


Ribbon Raven

by Pyreneese



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Death Note, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of enemies to lovers, Morally grey Watari, Music, One Night Stands, musician reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:07:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 65,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24544354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: After a one-night stand with a mysterious Ryuzaki, the two of you go your separate ways, thinking you'll never see each other again. But when a serial killer surfaces, so does Ryuzaki.*Title might change*
Relationships: L (Death Note)/Reader
Comments: 201
Kudos: 239





	1. One Night Stands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [epicpenguinexplosion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicpenguinexplosion/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to epicpenguinexplosion for helping me out a lot with general plot points :)
> 
> I wanted to do a cool opening note but I can't think of anything to say XD. Hope you like it.

Dragging your bow along the violin strings, you paused, singing out. Every once in a while, people would stop, pay attention to the street musician with small smiles and toss in a dollar. As you got lost in another song, a man moved so fast that you didn't even see him at first. He shot out, grabbing your violin case with the money and _bolting_. The people on the street simply moved out of the way, not wanting to get involved.

Blinking, you gasped, tearing after him, trying not to jolt your violin too much.

" _Stop! Stop him_! Thief! Asshole!"

Someone next to an ice cream shop jutted out their foot, sending the guy sprawling. He quickly recovered, scrambling away but leaving your case with the money behind and disappearing down an alley. Panting, you skidded to a stop, your head swiveling to see your savior staring at you with large eyes, licking at an ice cream cone. He was... strange... but kind of cute... messy black hair hanging in all directions, ivory skin and captivating grey, bordering on silver, eyes. _Damn. Not bad_. You smirked at the thought, but tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Thank you so much," you breathed, tucking your violin into the case and zipping it closed.

He simply watched you, his expression cryptic. Grinning sheepishly, you glanced up at him.

"Not gonna lie, you kind of saved my dinner... let me treat you as a thank you?"

The man tilted his head ever so slightly, thumb going to his lips thoughtfully. His eyes flickered in amusement, maybe the first emotion you'd seen on his features.

"While the offer is appreciated, I'm actually eating dinner right now, thank you."

Your brow quirked, looking over at his ice cream. It was definitely about the size of a dinner. Three scoops about to topple over at any second, each scoop so covered in fudge, whipped cream and strawberry slices that you couldn't even guess what flavor the ice cream was. A small smile crossed your lips. 

"Then can I interest you in something from The Buzzed Cow?"

He hesitated, intrigue sparking in those eyes.

"Buzzed?"

You started, your lips twitching.

You're new here, aren't you?"

The stranger's eyes flickered.

"Visiting for work," he conceded in an interested rumble, leaning forward, "how did you-"

"It sounds as though you've never heard of the Buzzed Cow parlor and its wide selection of alcoholic ice creams and milkshakes."

 _That_ got his attention. His large eyes somehow managed to go even wider in awe. 

"Something like that exists?"

You snorted, slinging your violin over your shoulder, giving him a mischievous smile.

"I'm pretty sure anything and everything alcoholic exists in the world."

"That is a fair assessment," he murmured.

He looked torn between wanting to say yes and no. His lips went up, a quiet playfulness sparking in his eyes. Huh, you found it more endearing than you would've believed.

"I _suppose_ if it's to gain a deeper understanding of the local culture," there was a delicious purr to his deep register.

* * *

You giggled, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in your mouth.

"Yeah," you chuckled, "I'm trying to get into this fancy music school, but it's not really going well."

The man, who's name you found out was Ryuzaki, looked you over curiously, his face a perfect mask hiding his thoughts.

"Is that why you're a street-musician?"

You rolled your shoulders, heat rising up your cheeks.

"I couldn't get a gig anywhere," you grumbled, bitterly licking your spoon, not wanting to get into it. Deciding to change the subject, you cleared your throat, "what about you? What do you do?"

Ryuzaki didn't answer. He ran a finger along his bottom lip, eyes lost in thought. You opened your mouth when the little tv in the corner of the parlor lit up with L's insignia. Glancing past Ryuzaki, you gaped. L himself wasn't broadcasting. It was a news reporter discussing the detective's latest solved case, a serial killer who'd murdered 18 people. Ryuzaki followed your eyes.

"You follow L?" There was a hint of surprise and... was that pride?... in his voice.

Laughing softly, you focused back on your ice cream. You didn't exactly want to sound like a nutty fangirl who paid rapt attention every single time the news mentioned the detective.

"I just find his cases really interesting. Every guy he catches has always been the worst of the worst. Why? Do you follow him?"

Ryuzaki's gaze was all-consuming.

"I suppose in a way," his lips twitched ever so slightly, "he is pretty cool."

Chuckling, you nodded, digging around your sweet treat, everything blurry. At this point, the two of you were plain old drunk and surrounded by empty ice cream cups. Ryuzaki placed his chin in the cup of his hand, cheeks flushed red.

"Thank you so much for showing me this place," he slurred, "I think I'll have to buy it."

You giggled, holding onto your stomach.

"Ha, wouldn't that be awesome?" You squeaked, holding up an empty cup, "I'm expecting special treatment, Ryuzaki! Free ice cream for me and endless refills!"

He laughed, the sound not quite fitting his features yet managing to make your heart jump. Ryuzaki leaned forward, almost falling out of his chair. 

"And what's in it for me, hm?" His words bled together, but there was a playfulness behind it.

You'd like to think it was just the alcohol lowering your inhibitions and allowing you to say what you'd been thinking all night. Maybe that was just an excuse, that was always a possibility.

"I'll fuck you," you offered in a snort.

That made him straighten, his face going beet-red. For a second, neither of you moved. _He'll probably take it as a joke... in which case it totally is! Yup, no seriousness anywhere there_. But to your shock, he ran a hand through his hair, mumbling under his breath.

"And I'd accept that offer."

Oh.

OH.

 **OH**.

Was he saying that he'd-... nah, the two of you were just drunk! But the air had changed and when he met your eyes again, your noticed his pupils had dilated. Your own did too just at the thought. _Having a one-night stand with a stranger from an alcoholic ice cream parlor... why the hell not, adult life is already so goddamn weird_. The both of you swayed, the room tilting. Intertwining your fingers in his, you cocked your head.

"It's a good thing I know a pretty good hotel."...

God, he was so handsome, even with the messiness.

Ivory, smooth skin and charcoal eyes. His mouth was on yours in an instant, tongue working furiously in your mouth and dominating every inch, running along the walls of your cheeks and dancing with your own tongue. A strangled, needy moan left you, your vision swimming and your brain drowning in lust. Ryuzaki slipped his fingers underneath your shirt, tugging and kneading at your nipples. Gasping, you arched into his touch, groaning loudly.

"Take me," you panted, taking his earlobe between your teeth, "I want you to fuck me so hard that I won't forget this."

He stared at you for just a second, his eyes blown black. Pinning you onto the bed, his fingers plunged beneath your waistline. You cried out, writhing to the digits, each finger moving methodically, curling and rubbing in an almost scientifically accurate way. Your legs were shaking, the knot in your stomach tightening. Leaning towards your face, his breath tickled your ear.

"Are you aware of the fact that I can tie cherry stems with my tongue?"

You huffed a laugh, throwing your head against the pillow.

"What a wonderful talent," you purred.

He hummed in response, his fingers hooking and dragging down your zipper. You couldn't kick your pants off fast enough, your body trembling in anticipation. Ryuzaki's lips glided down your front, those lips so soft and cool that you sighed, rolling your hips.

And that's when you felt it.

His tongue slither out and flick against your clit. You sank your teeth into your bottom lip to keep from screaming. But a whine came out, delicious and dripping with need. Ryuzaki expertly twisted and flipped his tongue, digging into your folds.

" _Fuck_ , oh God, don't stop-" you spread your fingers through that wild black hair, your heart jumping at a million miles a second.

He smirked, delicately lapping and swirling in a bundle of nerves. You panted, your toes curled and your fingers digging into his scalp.

"Oh, God, _Ryuzaki_!"

His motions paused, hesitating. You blinked, glancing down at that mess of hair. At first, you thought he'd say something, or explain why he'd stopped. But his tongue came out again, his lips puckered and sucking mercilessly, a fire burning under your skin. Writhing, your breath caught, a cry of pleasure escaping your throat.

The orgasm rode through your entire body, making your limbs shake. He licked up your entrance languidly, a moan vibrating from the back of his throat. Crawling back over you, he kissed you again, letting you taste yourself. Wrapping your arms around him, you felt up and down his lithe muscles, lean yet firm. Your fingers brushed his member and he gasped softly, pressing his forehead with yours.

Catching his lips, you gently guided him to a sitting position, wrapping your hands completely around his member now. He made incoherent noises, pressing his face against your shoulder. As you ran your hands along his length, he bucked into your grip, the sheer strength and quickness of the thrust sending a flush of heat to your core. Leaning down, you gave the head a tentative lick.

Ryuzaki's long fingers were instantly at the base of your scalp, pulling at your locks. It stung a bit, but in that moment, you didn't mind.

"I wonder if your cum's as sweet as the rest of you," you rasped.

His chest heaved, his hands twitching. Smiling to yourself, you wrapped your lips around his cock, sucking him in until he hit the back of your throat.

" _Shit_ ," he swore softly, whimpering.

Your movements were slow and deliberate, careful not to get him off too fast. His hips snapped, his throat audibly bobbing. The thrust was unexpected and you almost gagged, moving away. You glanced up at him with a playful glare. A shiver of delight ran up your spine seeing how sweaty and shivery he was, his mouth hanging open, and his neck craned.

"S-sorry."

You blew just the slightest bit of cool air across the head, drawing a moan from him. Taking him back into your throat, you bobbed your head, each movement bring a sharp sound from his lips.

"Can I thrust?" He breathed.

When you nodded around his member, his hips bucked, thrusting deep and hard into your throat, his loud pants and cries echoing in the hotel room. With one final push, he spilled into your throat, come just spurting out and out. You swallowed it eagerly, slowly dislodging yourself from him.

Ryuzaki watched you with wide eyes, running his hands along the sides of your body.

"You're very beautiful," he flushed.

You beamed, heat going to your cheeks from the compliment.

"Thank you. You're handsome."

He snorted, those magical fingers working along the grooves of your back. Your eyes lidded, pushing into the exploring digits. Your mind blanked, wetness already pooling. He swiped at it, bringing it up to his lips with a quietly mischievous gleam.

It all felt like one swift motion as he pushed you onto your back, his body pressing down on you. His voice went husky in your ear, the monotone voice from before anything but.

"May I fuck you?" He asked faux-innocently.

You smiled deviously.

"To tomorrow."

He entered, the both of you hissing. You dug your fingers into his back. _Shit._ Ryuzaki sank in to the hilt and stopped, breathing out. The movements were slow at first, almost as methodical as his fingers had been. He gently poked at your g-spot and you yelped, scratching along his skin. Ryuzaki took that as encouragement, angling towards the area and increasing his speed until he was pounding. The sound of the bed slamming against the wall and your desperate, lewd cries combined perfectly. Ryuzaki grunted, sweat glistening on his skin the faster he went, losing himself in a desperate rut. Your thighs quivered with the force, every stab to your flesh making your ears ring.

"Ryuzaki... ye-..."

Your back arched, letting out a shriek as you came, your nails scratching violently down his back.

Ryuzaki roared, jerking himself as deep as possible before coming, filling you with warmth.

There was a moment where neither of you moved, still tangled in each others' bodies. Ryuzaki tentatively brushed a lock of hair away from your face. His lips pressed gently against your temple. You blinked. Wow, for a stranger, the action was so... tender... you looked up at his face, your breath catching. His eyes were soft. Probably softer than you'd ever seen on a guy's face before. He carefully slid out, settling with you against his chest.

"That was amazing," he murmured, peppering light kisses along the nape of your neck.

You craned your neck to face him, sighing happily.

"Do you maybe want to grab some coffee in the morning?"

 _I really don't want to let you go_.

He combed his fingers absently through your hair, running his thumb along your cheek, a genuine smile on those lips. _You should smile more Ryuzaki, it changes your whole face... I'd like to see that smile more.._.

"I saw this really nice little coffee shop down the street," he murmured.

Resting your ear over his heart, you swirled a finger on his chest.

"It's a date then," you giggled, your eyes slipping shut.

* * *

L's perspective

I smiled, my eyes closing, already imaging drinking coffee and maybe ordering some pastries with her. Talking with her until God knows when would be _heaven_. For some reason, I found that I wanted to get to know her as deeply as possible... I closed my eyes, inhaling her scent. 

But my eyes snapped open. I didn't know anything about her.

I couldn't fall asleep, on my back and staring at the ceiling. _Oh, God, don't do this. Please don't do this. I'm so content, please don't, please_ \- My heart raced uncomfortably, my pulse pounding in my ears. The familiar feelings of paranoia rose up in the back of my mind. She'd fallen asleep... or had she? My fingers tensed around her shoulder, my breath catching. I couldn't stop myself from thinking... if I fell asleep...

_Will she kill me? If I'm asleep, she'd have no problem slitting my throat or strangling me or breaking my neck._

I didn't know anything about Y/n, if that was even her name... for all I knew, she was aware of who I was and had seduced me with the intention of killing me. My gaze slipped in her direction. In fact... wasn't it so _convenient_ that a thief just happened to be running by me? And that she knew the exact kind of place where I'd allow myself to get drunk? Her body was rising and falling steadily, but that could all be a lie. All of this could've easily been a lie. Thoughts swirled in my head, drowning out everything else.

 _Murderer?... Assassin?... Danger! Danger_!

Was I hyperventilating? It was hard to tell, spots were filling my vision.

Blinking, I slowly and carefully slipped out of her grasp, my toes touching the soft carpet. I used it to muffle my movements, slipping on my clothing. Stupid, I'd been so stupid. I knew I couldn't trust anyone! For a second, I'd even considered telling her my name wasn't Ryuzaki! Once I'd tugged my shirt over my head, I paused, staring at her. Her back was to me... she really was beautiful. Would it really hurt if I just dug myself under the covers? Her body was so warm that it was hard to believe she could be dangerous. There was something about her I couldn't place, something that made me feel... good...

 _If she's awake, I have to be stealthy about my exit. I can't let her think I'm on to her_.

Right. Danger. Temptress. Assassin. Caution has always been my best friend. Using the bathroom door to make it seem like I was in there, I crept along the edge of the wall, silently opening the hotel door and disappearing down the hallway.

_How could you even think about letting your guard down? As it is, you got too close to her. **Fucking sex with her?!** Do you want to die? _

_Because this is how you die._

* * *

You woke up in the morning, sliding your fingers over empty bedsheets.

"Ryuzaki?"

Peering over the edge of the bed, you saw his clothing missing.

Oh.

Disappointment and sadness stabbed your stomach. Curling up with your knees touching your chin, you stared at the foot of the bed.

"He left," you croaked, nodding to yourself.

Of course he left. The two of you were just strangers. Still. Your eyes misted, your throat closing on you. Feeling numb, you started gathering your clothing, waiting on the edge of the bed, hoping maybe he'd just stepped out quickly for some reason.

After about an hour, it was painfully apparent that he wasn't coming back. You fiddled absentmindedly with your fingers.

"Okay."

Shrinking, you left the hotel, feeling bittersweet.

* * *

Watari was waiting in our hotel. He glanced at me with a smile, but I simply trudged past him. His gaze faltered.

"L? Are you oka-"

"I'm tired," I whispered, slipping into my room.

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but I gently closed the door, my fingers shaking. Everything was shaking. 

Curling up on the bed, I looked down at the sheet as if I could warp it with my mind. _What's wrong with me_? I shuddered, quickly wiping at my eyes, my entire body just... hurting...


	2. Murder in Paris

**2 years later.**..

 _Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move, **move**_!

Slipping into the music hall, you glanced at your phone. Yikes, you were late. You weren't allowed to leave your shift until the next person came in, and since _they_ came in late, suddenly _you_ were late for practice. Ah, the domino effect of horribleness. Everyone was already getting situated, doing any last-minute tuning and flipping open their scores. Trying to sneak inside as stealthily as possible, the conductor gave you the dirty-eye, making you flinch. You sighed, scuttling to your seat and fumbling to open the score on the stand. All the way across the stage with his cello, Rue tilted his head questioningly. You rolled your shoulders, mouthing that everything was okay. 

Practice lasted about 3 hours once everything was said and done.

It was an okay symphony, nothing major. Certainly not paying the bills by itself. But ever since moving to France and taking a job to sustain yourself, you'd been looking for other ways to make it musically. In the year and a half you'd been living here, you'd gotten a single gig and then this. That gig was the definition of paying the performer peanut-shells. So far, the orchestra was the only option that had given you decent money and coverage. And hey, at least you got to play your violin. 

Standing, you stretched your limbs, your fingers aching from pressing on the strings. You were starving, the last thing you'd eaten was lunch and it was almost 10 now. Rue was carefully arranging his cello into its case, wandering over. Glancing up, you smiled. All things considered, he wasn't too bad looking. His hair was so bleached blond that it looked permanently damaged and he had stormy grey eyes. He spoke with a heavy English accent.

"Hey, are we still on for drinks with Clementine tonight?"

"Oh, let me check."

Looking at your phone, you wrinkled your nose, realizing Clementine must still be working. At least it gave you a chance to get a bit cleaned up. Pretend like you had everything together. Moving into the bathroom, you splashed some water onto your face, taking the opportunity to examine yourself in the mirror.

 _Damn, I look terrible_.

Rue hadn't said anything, but you knew he was worried. You'd been running yourself ragged for a while now, and it was starting to show on your face, dark bags under your eyes and all your features just... exhausted... 

You forced a smile, wincing. It looked fake, but maybe that was just you? Maybe no one else would realize that you were feeling miserable? _Only one way to find out_. Your phone buzzed. Clementine saying she'd have the car there in about five minutes. While you waited, you glared straight into your eyes. _It's been weeks since you've hung out with them_. _You **are** going to have fun tonight. You're going to be your usual happy, bubbly self. Got it_?

The bar was crowded, but you were sitting in one of the booths in the back with Clementine and Rue. They were debating about something. A part of you wanted to tune in, but your gaze kept shifting around the bar, looking at all the different patrons. Creepy guy over there, drunk out of her mind girl over there, business guy who probably just lost his million dollar deal gulping down across the way. Clementine and Rue were so lost in their argument that they didn't notice you completely spacing out, your eyes going to the tv above the bar. Huh, another L case solved... an arsonist who'd killed 27 people. You read the subtitles in interest, when Clementine gently shook your shoulder. You blinked, coming back into the room and beaming at her. She chuckled nervously.

"You didn't hear me, hm?"

"... I'm so sorry..."

She shrugged.

"It's okay! I was asking how the orchestra's going?"

Jesus Christ, anything but that. Your cheeks burned.

"I'm too fast playing the micro-beat on the downbeat." _it's burdening the entire orchestra, adding way much more time to practicing the measure than it should._ But... you kept that little tidbit to yourself.

Rue's gaze flickered.

"At least you're not Delilah. Girl can't play an oboe to save her life."

You snorted, trying to hide your smile. _Gah, don't laugh at that, too mean_! Rue glared at his drink and dinner, sighing.

"I give up," he grumbled, "'trying to eat healthy' is bullshit," hailing a waitress, "you wouldn't happen to have any strawberry jam, right?"

She blinked.

"With bread, sir?"

"No."

"Just... jam?..."

"Preferably with a spoon."

Covering your mouth to stop the giggles, the waitress opened her mouth, must've decided better, and went to go look for the jam. It was the first time you'd genuinely laughed in a couple of days and it slowly died down, you staring at your own glass. They watched you for a second, looking worried. Clementine rested her chin in the cup of her hand, brown hair sweeping forwards.

"Are you okay?" She breathed, "you don't seem like yourself... you don't seem happy with the orchestra anymore. Or just... you just look like you're having a rough time."

It was an accurate reading, but you didn't want to admit it. You straightened, crossing your arms a bit more defensively than you meant to.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Clem hesitated, but didn't say anything else. Rue said something about cats, was that their debate?, and you went back to spacing out, glancing at the tv again. It wasn't covering L's case anymore, but a recent murder down Moulin Boulevard. They were discussing whether or not this murder was connected with what seemed to be a growing serial killer. Your brow quirked. They had no idea. Usually serial killers had a 'type', a specific look they were going after. But these victims looked nothing alike. Fair-skinned, dark, female, male, ages ranging from 16 to 38. The only way the police knew that it was the same killer was because after about two days of searching the house, each victim had a raven's feather stuffed in some nook or cranny, a little red bow tied to the stem. If this newest murder really was connected, that'd make the death count officially 10. 

You were so lost in thought that when Rue touched you again, you jumped, blinking quickly.

"Hm?"

He chewed his lip.

"We were talking about maybe going to a club." 

You shifted, smiling.

"Oh. Okay."

Gathering your things, you followed the two of them out of the bar.

* * *

L's perspective

Flipping through the files, I sighed, shaking my head.

"Watari, these are useless and mundane."

The arsonist had been a joke. It was honestly amazing the police had dealt with that case for five months before I had to step in. It was a miracle they solved _any_ cases. Watari's brow rose, a large folder of files still tightly clutched in his hands."

"Then may I suggest a series of indiscriminate murders in Paris?" He added enticingly, "Police are saying it's one of the most baffling serial killers they've ever seen."

He held the case file out. Dangling it between my thumb and index finger, I tilted my head, not bothering to hide my skepticism. Usually 'the most baffling' was code for 'we're too stupid to figure it out even though we're all trained officers'.

"Victim preference?"

"None identified."

That made me glance at him.

"Watari, serial killers don't just go for random victims. There's always a reason, a connection. None of these people are connected in some way?"

"None that the police can trace. No work ties, physical similarities or familial or friendly relationship to one another."

Hm. I swirled my thumb around my lips. It was an unconscious movement, something I just did out of habit. But Watari's eyes sparkled.

"You're interested."

I tried to keep the smirk off my lips.

"I didn't say that... cause of death?"

"Inconsistent. 10 different murders, 10 different causes of death. As if the killer is experimenting. To the police, the only thing linking the murders is a raven's feather with a red bow. They're calling them the 'Ribbon Raven Murders'."

"How original," I muttered. 

Watari gave a soft laugh. It... did... fit my personal requirement of 10 deaths before I took the case... why a raven? So specific. Maybe the killer's just a fan of the macabre. There was no way there was no connection between the victims. I applied the slightest bit of pressure from my teeth to my thumb, the pain making my thoughts sharper. 

"And the victims were found dead in their homes?"

"No evidence of tampering with the locks."

So there was a heavy chance that they all knew the killer. But... why? If the killer knew all 10, then he'd know that him being the only connection would instantly make him the prime suspect. The connection wasn't obvious. That was good. An obvious connection made for a boring murder. Watari's face hadn't changed, and yet it somehow managed to feel triumphant. As if he was gloating. I snorted, thumbing through the various pages in the file.

"I just want to visit France. I hear it's lovely."

"You've been to France."

My lips twitched.

"Maybe I want to go again."

Watari huffed, but it was affectionate. He started moving back to the other room when he paused in the hallway.

"By the way, Near and Mello are ready for a higher level of training... I know you wanted me to keep you updated on their progress. Have you decided which one will be your successor?"

I stared at him, my heart drumming. Careful to keep my features neutral, I opened the Ribbon Raven file. 

"No. Like you said, their training's nowhere near complete."

Watari pursed his lips, obviously not liking my answer. I shrank, trying to avoid his gaze. 

"Just give me some time," I whispered, "you act as if I'll die any second."

He didn't say anything at first. There was iciness in the air that wasn't there before. Subconsciously, I pulled my knees up to my chin. Sighing, Watari moving forward, gently touching my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, L," his voice was warm. It had a quality of making me feel safe, "it's just... you know how dangerous this line of work is. 'L' is important to the world. If you were to die-"

"I know," I said quietly. I'd heard this speech a million times.

About how my death would be catastrophic for the crime rates. It wasn't just Watari, every analyst and theorist agreed that L was a crime-check in and of itself. Just my very existence kept the rates down 30%. 

"Like you said, Watari, it's a big decision. Whether I choose Near or Mello will have repercussions for _years_ to come. I want to wait to see how they deal with more advanced training."

His eyes trained on me and I knew I'd won. Nodding, Watari turned on his heel.

"Cake?"

"Strawberry shortcake, please. Thank you. And tell Interpol I've decided to take the Ribbon Raven Murders."

"Ah, so you do find the name catchy."

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my smile.

"It's simply too much effort to come up with a new name. I'll have this case solved quickly and then I can just move on to the next."

* * *

"L, we have a problem."

Oh, no. If Watari was calling something a 'problem', that meant it was a shit-show. Looking up from my papers, my throat caught seeing his grave face. He shifted.

"One of our contacts got in charge with me. Apparently B is in Paris."

I straightened, my thumb instantly going to my lips. Oh yes, a shit-show indeed.

"Do you think he's behind the murders? To get my attention? But... why would he snap _now_?"

Watari was quiet, his face set pensively.

"It's always a possibility. With his level of training, he could kill whoever he wanted and get away with it. Calm down, we still don't know if this is his doing. I think we should keep an eye on him."

Nodding, I gathered my papers. It had to be me tailing him. B out-performed every other Wammy's graduate. Yeah, he'd notice anyone else following him.

"What's his schedule like?"

Watari held out a piece of paper.

"It's relatively normal, all things considered. He's a janitor for a music hall during the day and four times a week at night, he practices there with an orchestra."

Hm. _Cello, huh?_ Against my will, my lips tugged up. He was always good at that... could it be possible that the same teenager who'd stormed out of the orphanage screaming curses found a safe place? I _really hope you're not behind these_. It might be hard tailing a janitor though... oh, well. I was good at it. Very good. Standing up, I tucked the file under my arm.

"Address for the music hall?"

* * *

Crawling around your apartment, you cursed, sweeping your hand under every nook and cranny. Today was your first day off in so freaking long and of _course_ you couldn't find your goddamn tuner. The last time you saw it was the other day, when you... closing your eyes, you sighed, knowing where it was. The guard knew you, he'd let you in... 

_Alright, to the music hall it is_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I'm thinking something along the lines of a whodunnit, where I bring in the most punchable DN characters, make them un-punchable and then reveal that one was still punchable the whole time XD.


	3. Old Faces

Racing up and down the stage, you grumbled, not seeing the tuner. The hallways behind the stage were a bit complex, different rooms off-shooting from the hall and leading in little nooks and crannies. You wandered into a large room meant to teach music to a larger class. There was a lost and found in the back for any items throughout the building. 

Crouching by the box, you sifted through the contents and froze, hearing the door creak open. From the angle you were at, you were hidden from the newcomer... who could it be? On a Sunday? Rue didn't clean today, and the other janitors weren't coming in until the weekdays. You leaned forward, listening intently. The person moved so quietly that it was hard to pinpoint where they were. Wait a minute... you should've seen the top of a head by now. They were crouched too? Okay, kind of weird. Moving to the edge of one of the tables, you looked around the corner... your nose accidentally bumping into someone else's.

Your eyes popped. Instinct took over and you went to tackle the stranger, holding on tightly to his wrists and sending him sprawling onto his back with you leaning over.

Wait... he looked familiar... extremely familiar...

"You?! What the Hell are you doing here?!"

Ryuzaki squinted, gasping with a yelp, "Bloody Hell!"

He stared up at you with wide eyes. Blinking, your brow furrowed. Wait a minute, granted you were drunk, but that voice...

"You're British?"

His face went a bright, hot tomato red, his eyes practically screaming _fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_. His voice instantly dropped to its unique monotone that you remembered.

"... No?..."

You glared at him, so many things racing in your mind that you didn't even know where to begin. 

"You fucking liar! You faked a whole-ass accent _during sex?!_ "

"I did _not_!" He cried out indignantly, "it's complicated!"

"Hopefully not, because _that'd_ be pathetic."

Ryuzaki stammered, looking at a loss for words. But then his own gaze hardened.

"What're you doing here?" He barked accusatorially.

You scoffed, a flame igniting in your eyes. He met them evenly.

"You first! I swear to God, I'll get the security guards!" _Why aren't you_? It was probably smarter to go get them... so why were you still on your knees leaning over him? Holding onto his wrists? _God, his pulse is **racing**_. So why didn't you feel like moving? 

Ryuzaki scanned your face, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Wait a minute... that night we met, I was in that area looking for B... do you work for him? Did you seduce me that night for him?"

" _Seduce you_? I _know_ you didn't just say I _seduced you_! Also, who the Hell's 'B'?"

He faltered, staring at you intensely. There was something analytical about the way Ryuzaki examined you, something deep and pensive.

"It wasn't an act?"

For a moment, neither of you said anything, the room deathly quiet. His eyes flicked around your face and your breath caught, realizing his pupils were dilated.

"Unless this is all part of the act too," he murmured under his breath.

Your stomach churned. An act? Why would he think anything you said was an act? You took in his messy hair and sleep-deprived features. Even his clothing was the same. Ryuzaki was about to open his mouth when the door swung open and the manager stepped in, stopping when he saw the two of you on the floor, you practically on top of Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki stiffened. 

"Can you confirm whether or not she belongs here?"

"Excuse me?" You growled, anger flaring up your chest.

The manager hesitated, holding up his hands for peace.

"I take it the two of you know each other? Y/n, Mr. Hideki Ryuga will be teaching a new music theory class! Is this... is this going to be a problem?"

You stared at him. Hideki Ryuga? So he also lied about his name? You locked gazes with Ryuzaki, a flash of guilt running across his features. As if caught in a lie (cause he totally was), Ryuzaki hissed out and winced, nodding.

"Yup," he smacked his lips, avoiding your eyes, "Hideki Ryuga. That's-that's me."

Your eyes trained on him intensely. He was looking at the ground, and then the wall, literally anywhere but your face. The manager waved an unconcerned hand.

"He's to have full-range of the facility, so if there's a problem, I need to know now."

Full range of the facility? Was Hideki Ryuga even his real name? When Ryuzaki stayed quiet, you slowly stood up, brushing yourself off. 

"No," you forced a smile, "my bad. I just thought he was an intruder."

Ryuzaki struggled to his feet, slightly hunched over. Turning to the manager, he bowed his head.

"I'll continue familiarizing myself with the facility, thank you."

The manager grinned amiably. You swayed on your feet. Jesus, why did you feel so... strange? Ryuzaki reached out, gently tapping your shoulder. You head whipped in his direction and he flinched, eyes darting. Ryuzaki held out a little device and your heart jumped. Your tuner...

"I found it backstage and was going to put it in the lost and found."

You numbly took it from him, searching his expression. It was infuriatingly neutral. _What's your deal, Ryuzaki? Or Ryuga? Or whatever the Hell your name is_? There was definitely more to him than met the eye. Even something as simple as the tuner left you wondering whether or not there was some ulterior motive. You just couldn't tell. Giving a tight smile, you pocketed the tuner.

"Thanks," you mumbled, stalking towards the door.

* * *

With your tuner, you headed out to your favorite fountain. It was really your first free day in a while and before a certain messy Ryuzaki, you'd been planning on spending it busking. Light was already out, somehow having managed to push his piano to its usual spot without you. It was smaller than a grand piano, small enough to fit in his car, but still heavy and just cumbersome enough to be annoying. The two of you weren't really 'friends', more like busking buddies, where the first few meetups were coincidental, when it kind of became routine and even expected for the two of you to meet up and play on the street. 

He watched you grumble as you practically shoved your violin onto your shoulder. When he spoke, it was with a heavy Japanese accent.

"Someone's in a good mood," he teased with a smirk.

Your head snapped in his direction, your lips pursed. He blinked, realizing he'd struck a chord. Sighing, you turned back to your instrument.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine," you growled, bringing your bow to the strings.

Light didn't say anything at first. You were seeing so much red that you hadn't even realized until you were dragging your bow that the two of you hadn't decided on a song. Faltering, your massaged the bridge of your nose.

"Sorry," you mumbled, trying to get yourself back in the mood.

His brow quirked.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really... what about you? How's it going?"

"My parents have been _hounding_ me about going back to Japan. Something about music being a super unstable career and how I'm throwing my life away, pretty much the usual. You?"

"Eh, pretty much the same. Haven't heard from mine since I turned 18."

He snorted, shaking his head, pushing his bangs back. Some girls passing by caught glances at him, throwing him shy smiles. Light cleared his throat, pretending he didn't see them. By all accounts, he was a handsome guy, but he just never seemed all that interested in relationships. It was pretty much the same with you. You'd been in the city of love for a little over a year and you didn't really have the drive for romance. A couple of flings here and there, but nothing substantial. Apparently he'd been living here for about 3 years now.

Sitting cross-legged on the fountain's edge, you went over the list of piano-violin duets you knew in your head. He poised his fingers, tilting his head.

"Contemporary or classical?"

"Contemporary? Lovely?"

It was beautiful, the sound filling the street and attracting a bit of a crowd. You were in charge of melody and him the chords, supporting your sound perfectly. You finished off the song, earning a round of applause from the onlookers. They quickly dropped whatever they wanted to and went about their day, leaving you and Light to split the earnings. Light smirked.

"Damn, not too bad. I might _actually_ eat well tonight."

"Yeah, no kidding," you huffed, shoving the euros into your pocket. 

He chuckled, moving for his piano. The two of you played more songs until it was getting late, the sky looking more golden. Crossing over to his side, you helped him move it, lugging it to his little car. He arranged it in the trunk, looking at it proudly. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked again, not taking his eyes off of the instrument.

You smiled.

"Yeah, I'm good..."

"... Good... we should hang out more. We meet up pretty much every weekend, but- we don't really know each other that well."

You blinked. Technically it was true, although... you didn't know, you just didn't feel the need to hang out more with Light. The kind of friendship you two had was comfortable and a nice distraction from the daily grind. And you were having a hard time discerning if Light was hitting on you... as if reading your mind, he quickly shook his head.

"I mean strictly as friends. Actually I'm, well," he smiled sheepishly, closing his trunk door.

You gaped.

"You're gay?"

His eyes slid in your direction, nodding slowly. He seemed cautious, almost nervous about how you'd take the news, his fingers rubbing and tapping anxiously. Grinning reassuringly, you bobbed your head.

"There's this coffee shop I know where these really cute guys come and go," you smirked, "if you're lucky, you can snag one."

Light's lips curved, tilting upwards with a sparkle of mischief. 

"I'd love to," he said softly. 

* * *

"The victims. They're all musicians."

Watari was delicately supping his coffee. He glanced up. When I'd gotten back to the hotel, I'd completely thrown myself into the case, trying to forget about... her... God, that was a whole can of worms I didn't want to deal with. Watari tilted his head curiously. 

"How so? 2 were doctors from different hospitals, 1 was an insurance agent, there was an artist, chef, warehouse worker, farmer. From all different walks of life."

"On the surface," I conceded, crouching in the chair next to him, "but it was found that all the victims had instruments in their places of residence. I called some of my more... illegal... contacts and they got in touch with several club and bar owners in Paris. All 10 have performed under a stage name in the Mauvais Bar in the past year."

Watari's full attention was on me now, steely blue eyes intense. I nibbled on my thumb, my mind working and trying to analyze all the angles. After a few seconds, I sighed.

"In the past year, there had been approximately 45 different acts. The bar will debut new talents on its least busy days and then the rest will be taken up by regular performers. These 10 victims only performed once at the Mauvais and they all had stage names, hence why it was harder to find out they were there at all. Considering that there are more easily findable performers that have not died, I believe the killer is going specifically after one-time performers with stage-names. Please compile a list of everyone of who fits this criteria. Thank you."

Without waiting for him to respond or notice that I wasn't completely there, I moved into the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge for something sweet. Honestly at this point, I'd take anything with a little bit of sugar. Jamming a cake pop into my mouth, I lumbered past Watari and threw myself into my room, surrounded by laptops. Why was my heart racing? It was so uncomfortable... God, she was so beautiful. And that grip on my wrists! I could've thrown her off with Capoeira, but for whatever reason, I didn't want to. I _liked_ the feeling... but there was a possibility she knew B. Very high, in fact. But then again, there was still technically no reason to suspect that B was behind the murders. _Am I letting my emotions cloud my judgement_? Groaning, I banged my face into my pillow.

"Fuuuuuuck."

* * *

_It was late, a cool breeze blowing Amelie's hair. This part of the city was shrouded in darkness, but it didn't bother her. She lived in the area and she was used to the quiet. As she unlocked her door, she heard footsteps from behind. Whirring, she blinked._

_"Oh... it's you... what's up?"_

_The other shifted, scratching at their neck nervously. Their French was heavily accented, but she couldn't place where they were from._

_"Sorry, I know it's kind of late. I was kind of hoping you could help with some of the chords?" They asked sheepishly._

_Amelie hesitated, but she ended up shrugging. Granted, it was late, but she'd been working with the other for a couple of months now. Surely that warranted an iota of trust? Inviting them inside, she tossed her jacket onto the sofa, moving towards the kitchen._

_"Tea, coffee?"_

_"Tea, thank you," they grinned cordially._

_She nodded, going about until she brought the hot cup to the table. The other sighed, warming their hands against the ceramic._

_"Working on anything new?"_

_Amelie gave a shy smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Not a lot of people were interested in her original songs. But they always were. It was nice finally finding someone to bounce ideas off of, like a soundboard._

_"Actually yeah," she chuckled, "I finished up the sheet music, so all I need to do now is record a demo!"_

_"That's amazing!" They yelped. She blushed at the compliment as they continued, "can I hear it?"_

_"Sure!"_

_Getting up, she turned to grab her folder. Before she could reach it though, something wrapped around her throat._

_For a moment, she was so shocked that she didn't move. Amelie straightened, her throat bobbing, realizing she couldn't breathe! She let out a strangled sound, trying to twist or grab their hands or face or something. But the rope was so tight. Amelie shook, trying to convulse out of their grasp. It was digging into her skin, making it impossible to concentrate. She gagged, her plea coming out an indecipherable gurgle._

_The world went blurry, her eyes fluttering_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote the music scene I was thinking of this cover of Lovely by Billie Eilish, check it out, it's amazing :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBiRyAXwWC0


	4. Short Time

I pulled up Near and Mello's test scores, and their instructor's notes on what she believed they could improve on. Apparently, Near wasn't taking initiative, preferring to observe events play out. Mello was taking too much initiate, reckless even. And Matt... well, Matt had skipped another test. Unhealthy... they were partaking in unhealthy practices. I-it was necessary, though. I heard Watari's footsteps and quickly closed the tab, turning my head in his direction. He held up a stack of papers.

"Including the 10 victims, there are 17 people who fit the criteria. So 7 left alive."

He held out a cup of coffee. Mmm coffee. 

Oooooh yeeees. Gooooood coffee. His cell rang and he held it up to his ear, blinking rapidly. Sighing, he took one of the sheets out the papers. 

"Make that 6 left alive. Ms. Amelie Bisset. I'll arrange for us to visit the crime scene."

Absently, I nodded, taking the rest of the targets. I flipped through the papers and froze, almost spitting out the coffee.

Y/n L/n... no... my eyes widened. Shit, was I pale? Was I starting to hyperventilate again? Watari's eyes flashed in alarm.

"L-?"

Swallowing, I tried to bring myself back into the room. She was a probable target for the Ribbon Raven Murders... holy shit... my hand went to my stomach, all the sweets simultaneously deciding it was time for a rebellion. Watari rushed forward, going to feel my forehead. But I curled up, shaking him off. 

"I'm okay," I rasped, quickly hiding her among the other 7.

These 7... the most likely targets to be killed. In fact, I was certain of it. 95% sure that the killer's patterns would align with these people. With- her. That image of her in the music hall, leaning over me, the way her hair fell forward and those lips... Watari glared at me unbelievingly. 

"You're hiding something."

It was a statement. Not an accusation or a scold. I shrank, holding out her profile.

"I know her," I whispered. At his raised brow, I quickly amended, "well, 'know' is a strong term. She and I, we had a... we, um-"

His eyes widened, his expression cracking incredulously. Wow, I'd never seen him so shocked and even scared.

"You slept with this woman? A perfect stranger!"

"Yes," I murmured, wincing.

Watari's eyes were practically bugging.

"Do you know how dangerous that was?! You never even told me! When did this happen? Are you sure she didn't find out any crucial piece of information-"

"I'm sure," I snapped more harshly than I intended, my gaze flashing and locking with his eyes, "I'm not a child, Quillish. I knew the threat and left the situation. To her, I'm just a fling."

We glared at each other for what felt like the longest. He straightened.

"Will this complicate matters?"

"Are you questioning my authority?"

"I'm questioning your objectivity... how do you wish to proceed? We could have her sent out of France, keep her safe if it means a lot to you."

For just a moment, the thought was tempting. I _wanted_ that. I _wanted_ to know she'd be safe. Why did I want that? And why would Watari even offer that... No, this was just a test. My 'objectivity'. Maybe it was getting clouded... Throwing as much ice as I could in my stare, I forced my face to go emotionless. The expression was so well-crafted that not even Watari could see through it.

"Why should I?" I answered cooly, "as one of six, she's ideal bait. Get rid of the prey and the predator disappears. Of course I'll try to catch the killer before anyone else is harmed but there's always collateral damage."

Watari shifted in uncertainty. He really wasn't going to drop this. I gazed at him pleadingly.

"Watari, she means nothing to me. I haven't lost sight of what's important. Please don't make me drop this case."

He still looked skeptical, but he didn't say anything else, opting to take my empty coffee cup. Coffee usually made me feel sweet and energetic, allowed my heart to race. Right now, it was just leaving a bitter taste in the back of my throat.

* * *

Ha, you were actually _early_ for practice. _Take that_! You puffed out your chest to the conductor's quirked brow. Sitting among the other violins, you held your instrument up, making eye-contact with Rue across the way. His lips twitched as he subtly nodded in greeting. The conductor cleared his throat.

"Alright, I come with exciting news! She's been staying in Paris for a while now and our director was able to convince Misa Amane to sing for our upcoming concert."

You froze, your eyes snapping in his direction in shock. Misa Amane? The pop idol? The internationally famous singer? The doors opened and she swept in, beaming sweetly. You blinked, exchanging a look with Rue. He was staring at her, completely starstruck. Clasping her hands together, Misa dipped her head.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all... I look forward to working with everyone!"

Practice kicked off and Misa's presence was proving to be more of a distraction than anything else. You couldn't stop taking in her glamorous appearance, silky blond hair flowing loosely with an expensive-looking and equally gorgeous dress. _She's so beautiful, it's insulting_. And to top it off, she had the voice to back up her looks. Even without the microphone, her singing carried throughout the auditorium, bouncing expertly off the walls. Usually you weren't a fan of her music, but even you had to admit that the girl had some serious lungs.

At some point, you faltered, seeing Ryuzaki standing backstage, simply watching the rehearsal. No... he was watching... Rue? His eyes caught yours and he quickly looked away. You tilted your head curiously. Granted, he was probably trying to give you your space, but the way he looked away, his entire body language... something was bothering him. You didn't know how you knew, but the thought nagged the back of your mind. 

Rehearsal wrapped up and you started moving for the stairs. You stopped, your foot almost crunching down on something... a choker? You picked it up in interest, inspecting the little stone in the center, reflecting the stage-lights brilliantly.

"You found it!" Someone chirped behind you.

Misa! You grinned sheepishly, holding it out for her. _Not very careful with her valuables. How loaded is she_? As if reading your mind, she shrank, her cheeks going a bright red.

"Thank you so much, I'm not exactly," she chuckled nervously, "not exactly the sharpest spoon in the drawer."

You snorted, a genuine smile breaking across your lips. _At least she's got a sense of humor_. Misa returned it, giggling. She took the choker from your fingers, carefully clipping it back around her neck. 

"You're so sweet," she sighed gratefully, "it was a gift from my grandmother."

"Oh! Your grandmother has great taste."

Misa beamed, the smile lighting up her face. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, the conductor wandered over. You could see the distaste whenever he looked at you, sending your chest humming with anger. Mikami smirked, scanning you critically.

"Be a dear and put the chairs and stands away in the basement? We usually rotate the duty."

Your jaw tightened. _Wow, what a fantastic excuse to keep me from talking to the international star. Real mature, Mikami_. Misa glanced at you.

"You want some help?"

You shifted, clearing your throat uncomfortably. You smiled tiredly, shaking your head.

"That's okay, thanks. Hope we can talk some more."

Misa hesitated, but ultimately bobbed her head, waving as what you assumed was her driver escorted her out of the building. Rue gave you a small wave on his way out, pushing his hair out of his face. You sighed. There were 40 chairs altogether, and you were able to drag 10 at a time to the elevator. Pushing the first batch, you froze, seeing Ryuzaki with own batch of chairs already inside the elevator. He watched you with wide eyes.

"I can wait-" 

"It's fine," you said quickly, pushing the chairs onto the elevator, "it's only awkward if you make it."

"I don't think it's awkward."

"Good, cause it's not."

"Good."

The two of you didn't say anything on the trip down, but you had the distinct impression that he was watching you. You risked a look at him, your eyes narrowing. How the Hell did he make bedhair and raccoon eyes work? Ryuzaki slid a thumb across his lip thoughtfully.

"You're very skilled," he murmured.

You blinked, heat rising up your cheeks.

"You could hear my violin?"

"I was paying attention for it."

"... Oh... Thanks."

It was on the trip back up when the elevator lurched and stopped. For a few seconds, nothing happened... until thin trail of smoke went up from the elevator's panel. Your face went slack. _You've got to be kidding me_. 

"You wouldn't happen to have a cellphone, right?" You asked.

Ryuzaki was so entranced by the smoke, poking around the panel that he jumped when you spoke. Your brow rose unamused. He flinched, watching you with wide eyes.

Ryuzaki winced, groaning loudly, "nope."

"Great."

"Yup."

The two of you stood there, the universe deciding that yes, in fact, it would be awkward between you two. Sighing, he crouched down, balancing expertly on the balls of his feet and drumming his fingers along his jean legs. When you still hadn't made a move to sit, he shrugged.

"You might as well, help's not coming until the morning."

"Of course it isn't," you grumbled, relenting and plopping down.

You were painfully aware of his eyes boring into the back of your neck, buried in his little crouch. You whirled to face him, startling him so badly that he fell back.

"Stop staring at me," you growled.

Ryuzaki tilted his head.

"You interest me."

"Oh? How so?"

"With Miss Amane... you refused her help, why?"

 _Oh Hell no. A little too close to home there, Bed-Raccoon_.

"None of your business," you snipped.

Ryuzaki's face remained neutral, but thoughtful.

"... You're still upset with me."

"Congratulations, we have a genius on our hands."

Ryuzaki pouted, crossing his arms, "I actually am one," he mumbled under his breath.

The look you shot him was enough to make him wither. You weren't sure how much time passed, but you were still sure he was subtly watching you. When he spoke, it was your turn to be surprised.

"I abandoned you."

"It's not that... if you'd wanted to just part ways and never speak again, I would've respected that. But you lied to me. You said you wanted to give... more... a try."

The little elevator was thrown into a profound silence. Ryuzaki fiddled with the hem of his shirt, large grey eyes lost in thought.

"I'm afraid you're not special in that department... I lie to everyone."

"Oh, a pathological liar. Maybe I dodged a bullet."

He didn't answer. Your eyes flashed in his direction, your breath catching. His eyes had misted, the grey turned reflective and glassy like a mirror. There was such a deep regret that it made your heart beat a bit faster. Hugging his knees beneath his chin, his lips twitched sadly.

"Yes," he breathed, "you did."

Something tugged in your heart. You twisted your fingers, wringing them mindlessly. When he spoke again, it was inquisitive, but it felt like there was something behind it. Something almost desperate?

"If you only had a short time left to live and couldn't leave France, how would you spend it?"

Leaning against the wall, you snorted.

"That's a... pretty deep question. I don't know, how would you spend it?"

He smirked teasingly, "asked you first."

Hm. Touche. You tapped your chin, your mind working. It was such a difficult question to answer, but you snapped in success.

"Well if I couldn't explore the world, I'd explore France. Enjoy what little time I had left, drink wine in the countryside, see the beautiful historical side, play for large audiences, do whatever art or writing I needed to or wanted to learn."

Ryuzaki rested his temple on his knee, making a soft sound. He gave a gentle smile, the one so reminiscent of the night you met. The one that lit up his face and made your stomach flip pleasantly.

"Why wait until you have a short time? I'm um, I'm going to Champagne in a few days. It's got the best-"

"Champagne?-"

He chuckled.

"-In the world. You should come."

You blinked, tilting your head. Curiosity got the best of you. He was an interesting person, strange yet... you didn't know what to think of him.

"And why should I say yes?" You inquired, cocking your head to the side.

Ryuzaki hesitated, considering. He grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

"It's a beautiful region for one... for two, you look like you've been running yourself ragged."

Hm... that was true... you couldn't remember the last time you had a day without some kind of responsibility. Either working or the orchestra or busking with Light or going out with friends. There was always something going on. You stared at him, debating.

"I'm not saying yes because of you," you huffed, trying to hide your smile, "but... that'd be nice... thank you."


	5. Curiosity

Ignoring Watari's look, I finished talking to the police. They'd be staking out the remaining 5 residences, either undercover or from a distance. Although not always consistent, there was a greater number of murders on the weekend, 6/11 to be exact. A part of me was still in shock that she'd accepted... it was hard keeping my face neutral, but there was this... giddiness... in the pit of my stomach. _She's safe. For this weekend, she's safe_.

Watari glared at me.

"You invited her to Champagne?"

"I'm keeping an eye on her," I excused, crossing my arms, "assuming the killer is keeping tabs on his targets, such a trip is enough to make the number of potential victims smaller but she doesn't go far enough that the killer gets suspicious," I paused, testing the waters, "why, Watari? Do you have suggestions for how I should handle investigating this case?"

Watari huffed a laugh.

"L. I may be an old man, but don't patronize me. Where are we meeting her?"

You leaned back in the car seat, rolling your neck. Light had agreed to give you a lift to the train station and see you off. He leaned forward, resting his chin into the cup of his hand.

"So tell me about your boyfriend."

"Not my boyfriend," you chirped with a chuckle.

"Y/n, you're going to the wine region with him."

"Just because I'm going to the wine region with him doesn't mean I'm going to the wine region _with_ him. We're going to be in different hotel rooms and it's not like I _have_ to spend time with him or anything. We're just... traveling together for safety!"

Light gave you an unimpressed look.

"Uh-huh."

Pursing your lips and trying not to seem annoyed, you sat back in the seat. The radio host had interrupted the music for some news, and your brow furrowed. Huh, the press hadn't really been talking about L lately. That was a pattern you'd noticed; usually it meant he was currently in an investigation and once it was solved, the press would be made aware and there'd be an all-out frenzy until the waters quieted again, waiting for L's next catch. _I wonder what case he's working on right now_. Probably something with international attention... the first things that came into your mind was a $36 million dollar robbery in America, a serial killer in Australia and the Ribbon Raven Murders. You were so lost in thought that you almost didn't notice the limo parking in front of Light's car.

You stared at it, thinking how beautiful it was. And then... Ryuzaki?! You gaped, watching in shock as he slid out of the car, talking to the driver in what looked to be a deep conversation. _A limo? H_ _e's not a music theory teacher._ You were a curious soul in general, and a part of you was looking forward to this trip to try and find out. There was so much mystery surrounding Ryuzaki, you couldn't help but be intrigued. Light snorted, biting at his lip in interest.

"That's guy's kind of cute. Cut the hair, different clothing, pretty hot."

"That's him," heat rushed up your cheeks, "he goes by Hideki Ryuga in the music hall."

Light blanched, blinking quickly while chuckling.

"Oh."

Giggling, you went for your bag. It wasn't a long vacation by any means. Get there mid-day Saturday and come back afternoon Sunday. Light waved a hand.

"Text me when you get there so I know you got there safe! Text me periodically! Keep me in the loop!"

"Yes, Mom," you teased, but you secretly liked his worry.

Ryuzaki noticed you, shifting in greeting. He gave you a small smile, holding out a piece of paper.

"Hello..."

"Hi," you grinned, taking the paper. 

Your eyes widened.

" _Holy shit_."

It was a paper of directions to the Royal Champagne Hotel and Spa, a luxurious and high-end place. You stared at him incredulously, but he simply blinked in confusion.

"Is- is that okay? It was a bit last minute, but..."

All you could do was stare. _What the Hell?! I can't figure you out_. You pocketed the paper, examining him closely. Was he some kind of undercover agent? Maybe a James Bond spy without the fancy suit? The very brief thought of L flitted over your mind, but you quickly snorted. Nah, that was as ridiculous as the James Bond spy.

"I really can't accept this," you laughed nervously, "it's... a lot."

Ryuzaki tilted his head.

"Are you sure? We can find a different place if you don't feel comfortable?"

You hesitated, looking down at the paper. Stuffing it into your pocket, you shifted.

"I'll pay you back."

"You really don't have to-"

"I said I would," you marched past him.

The train ride was tense and silent, the two of you sitting across from each other. Ryuzaki was in a little ball, his knees touching his chin. Closing your eyes, you tried to enjoy the ride, the feel of the train moving around you, the slices of sun against your eyelid. Ryuzaki's soft and mellow voice cut through, although it was so quiet and serene that it honestly fit with the whole aesthetic. You popped open an eye to see him sheepishly holding a small box.

"I forgot to offer you truffles."

Oh. You flushed, quietly taking one. It was delicious, fudgy and melt-in-your-mouth. Your eyes lit up as you rolled the piece around your tongue.

"Whoa, this is amazing," you beamed.

His lips tugged up, scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm glad you like them, they're my personal favorites from this bakery I love."

You grinned gratefully, turning the little pastry in your fingers. Ryuzaki gazed out the window, his long bangs falling into his face.

"I didn't mean to offend or make you uncomfortable before," he gave a dry laugh, pushing his wild hair back, "I'm sorry."

Chewing the truffle in your mouth, your eyes narrowed.

"Ryuzaki... why'd you invite me?"

"Because you said you wanted to explore the French countryside."

"But why do you care what I want?"

"I- we started off on the right foot and I ruined it. I'm not asking you to 'give me another chance' or to 'take me back' or anything like that. But... I do want to make it up to you. I want to give you a good memory. Something you can be happy about."

He rested his cheek onto his knee, warmth bleeding through his gaze. You bit your lip, his words rolling over in your brain.

"So even if I didn't want to see you for the rest of this vacation, that'd be okay with you?"

"Of course."

Hm. You didn't even realize you'd been squeezing the truffle until the chocolate coated and stained your finger. 

"How'd you get into teaching music theory?"

He winced, glancing in your direction. You could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. Ryuzaki held your gaze for what felt like forever until he looked away.

"Personal reasons."

 _Evading the question_... Whatever. This trip was about you, why were you so curious about Ryuzaki? The icy silence continued until he looked in your direction.

"I take it you wish to part ways once we reach the hotel?"

You shifted, intrigued that a part of you still wanted to spend time with him. A puzzle of a person. It'd be easier if he was obviously just a lying one-time-sex asshole, but you got the distinct impression that that wasn't the complete story. Or at the very least, there was something else to the situation. Twiddling your thumbs, you rolled your shoulders.

"From the way you were talking, it sounds like you've been to Champagne before."

He gave a small smile, "many times."

"Hm. Maybe you could show me the best areas."

Large grey eyes sparked kindly.

"I'd very much like that."

* * *

It was gorgeous, rolling green hills as far as the eye could see, that very specific beauty only the French countryside could achieve. Ryuzaki's eyes were wide, his face practically beaming. You couldn't help but laugh.

"You really look excited to be here."

He faltered, grinning sheepishly.

"I lived here for six years when I was little. Actually, I was bo-" he stopped, his face falling. Ryuzaki's shoulders tensed. It was such a slight movement that most probably wouldn't notice, "I like to come here when I can."

The two of you found your way to the hotel and you texted Light saying everything was okay. He sent back a thumbs-up with a smiley face. Stepping up to the hotel, you gaped. It was gorgeous, mixing both older and modern looks to create a beautiful combination.

Throwing yourself onto the bed, you sighed. _This weekend... might not be so bad_. You could already picture yourself sitting out with a glass of wine and some fresh bread or cheese. _Hell yeah, that's the life_. Prickles of happiness went up your spine. You swung to your feet, ready to explore the little area, maybe go into some shops in the nearby town. You were about to go down the hallway when you paused. Sometimes being alone felt fine, but... a part of you wanted to ask Ryuzaki to come... You stood in the hallway, trying to make a decision. Sighing to yourself, you turned and lightly knocked on his door.

Ryuzaki peeked it open, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Y/n?"

"I'm heading out to some of the stores, want to come?"

Ryuzaki bit his thumb thoughtfully. He smiled softly around the digit, closing the door behind him.

"I'd love to."

* * *

You had a lot more fun that you thought you would. The two of you went into a million small nicknack stores, examining different pieces of art and trinkets. Every time the both you passed a bakery though, he seemed to drift there on his own accord. 

Sitting outside eating ice cream with him, you smirked, remembering that night.

"Thanks, this trip's been pretty nice," you consciously tucked some hair behind your ear.

"I'm glad! I was worried you wouldn't enjoy yourself," he admitted, licking at his cone.

Walking through another section of the town, he halted dead in his tracks. You followed his eyes to a large house, abandoned and desolate. Large clumps of grass littered the front yard and it looked like no one had even stepped foot into it for decades. At your questioning expression, Ryuzaki dazedly touched the gate, padlocked shut.

"I like to see it every once in a while... it's the place I was born."

Where he was born? You blinked, looking at the house with the new information. Suddenly it seemed much sadder knowing the place once had a history, a couple with a kid that for whatever reason was left to rot.

"If you don't mind me asking... what happened to it?"

His eyes went distant.

"My parents died..."

Your chest squeezed, your stomach flipping. He probably wouldn't want to talk about how they died.

"I'm sorry," you murmured.

Ryuzaki didn't respond at first, but then he shrugged, "nothing to be sorry about."

"Still. I bet you miss them."

You tried to picture him as a little kid. How long was his hair? Were the bags under his eyes missing? Was he always so pale? Stepping away from the gate, Ryuzaki smiled wistfully.

"I do."


	6. Cherries and Fun

There was a little outdoors restaurant on the main hotel property, small and pretty much detached from the main building. Large vines stretched up trellises on the corners of the overhang, like a woody web above your head. A perfect place for dinner. You poked around your Coquilles Saint-Jacques, admiring the scallops. Ryuzaki had a chocolate cake with a side of cherries. Your brow quirked, teasing.

"Do you eat anything besides sugar?"

He smirked, stealing out his tongue playfully.

"I'm eating cherries, aren't I? Relives Insomnia, facilitates Weight Loss, lowers Hypertension, prevents Cardiovascular Diseases, maintains pH Balance-"

"Alright, so cherries are a super-fruit," you giggled, biting your lip.

It was nice, just sitting and talking about whatever. After a while, the waitress came by with a check.

"Thank you, Mr. Yoshio Anderson, your service is always welcome."

You watched her leave, training your eyes on Ryuzaki. The mood shifted, the new alias hanging heavy in the air. He avoided your gaze, his voice lowering to a mumble.

"I come here a lot, that's how they, um-that's how they know me."

Resting back in your chair, you looked up at the starry sky beyond the little outdoors eating area. 

"I'm going to go on a limb here and say none of those are your real name? Hideki Ryuga, Ryuzaki, Yoshio Anderson... they're all aliases, aren't they?"

"Yes," he whispered, pushing away the cake.

Your mind debated itself, scanning the way he shrank in on himself and how he went very quiet. It seemed like having so many aliases was a burden... like it bothered him. _What kind of life has he had_? It obviously wasn't perfect with his parents, but how imperfect did it get? _Maybe some kind of witness protection_? But even then, most witnesses had one alias that they could live under. Scanning him, your heart tugged. 

"I don't know what kind of past you've had," you sighed, rolling your shoulders, "a name's just a name. Even though I'm curious, if anyone else knowing it puts you in danger, then you shouldn't have to feel guilty about hiding it."

He seemed genuinely surprised by your statement. Ryuzaki's smile was soft, his grey eyes shining. It wasn't the reaction you were expecting, but it wasn't unwelcome either. 

"Thank you."

The rest of the dinner passed nicely. Somehow it felt like the two of you never ran out of things to talk about, even if those things weren't super personal. You giggled, settling as you looked up at the stars through the holes in the trellises, so many all together. 

You weren't sure how long the two of you were there, basking in the meal and surroundings, just letting the gentle breeze kiss your faces. It was getting pretty late, so the two of started heading up the little path, back to the main hotel. Now the stars were in full view, so incredible that it took your breath away. You were stuck between looking at the dark ground and keeping your eyes on the sight above you. Paris was gorgeous, but the lights of city somewhat muted the night sky. You almost paused, glancing out of the corner of your eye to see Ryuzaki's watching you out of the corner of his. He quickly looked away, his face going a light pink.

"The stars are gorgeous," his lips curved.

Heat rose up your neck, sensing there was a tad bit more in _that_. You tried to think of something clever or witty to say but your brain had _impeccable_ timing for shutting down on you. All you could settle for was a wavy "yeah'.

His room was closest. Pausing outside of it, you looked at him, tucking some hair behind your ear. 

"Thank you for inviting me," you said quietly, biting at your lip, "I had a really good time."

Ryuzaki was standing so close, about a foot away. Your eyes darted over his face, drinking in the sharpness of his features. How soft was his hair? It looked like an anomaly. Like it should be matted and greasy yet would be soft and feathery. His lips twitched. 

"I'm glad you came. Usually I come just to look at the house and it's not very exciting, actually a bit depressing. But you made this trip... fun."

The words made your stomach bubble, a large smile spreading up your lips.

"Really?"

You found yourself leaning subconsciously towards him, your heart jumping wildly. His eyes flickered over your lips, a deep fondness settling over his features. The two of you were still, a pulling tension between the both of you. It felt like you couldn't do anything, even your smile was frozen. Ryuzaki's came out soft.

"You have a wonderful smile."

It was such an earnest compliment that your heart quickened. Your pulse drowned out your thoughts as you swayed forward, your mouth inches from his. He took it as a sign to tilt his head, brushing his lips against yours, the skin smooth.

You opened your mouth experimentally, gasping when you felt his tongue, tasting the chocolate cake and cherries he'd been eating earlier. A moan worked up your chest, a fire igniting just under your skin. 

You were vaguely aware of his wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. Sighing, your fingers glided under his shirt, feeling his lean and lanky yet firm muscles. Feeling each groove and dip, Ryuzaki let out a strangled sound, his hands sliding down and cupping your ass. Opening the door, you led him inside. One hand briefly left your butt to quickly close the door and then they were right back to gripping and shifting your body.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, taking your skin between his teeth, tongue flicking and rolling. Throwing your head back, you cried out in please, pushing his head even closer to the area. Ryuzaki growled into your neck, the sound low and vibrating. His fingers plunged beneath your waistline and you squeaked, rolling your hips to his digits pressing and curling along your walls. They were so long and rough that you whimpered, feeling up along his spine.

" _Fuck_ ," you groaned, unable to form words as the finger started pumping, creating a delicious friction.

You gyrated your hips, anything to push him deeper, as deep as possible. God, you just needed to feel him. He obliged, adding another fingers and sending you shaking with how badly you needed to come.

"Ple- oh," you rasped, your back hitting the wall.

Ryuzaki added a third finger and you thought you'd die. Everything was being taken up by those thrusting digits. You held onto his hips pleadingly, bringing his still-clothed erection against your abdomen. He dragged his tongue along the front of your throat. The action made pleasant shudders go up and down your nervous system. His fingers twisted roughly and you gasped, digging your fingers so harshly that you were sure there'd be bruises. You came, screaming out in pleasure, the orgasm leaving your legs shaking. His lips hovered over yours, drinking in your panting. He allowed you to catch your breath, large eyes trained on your lips as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. 

Leading you towards the bed, he kissed over your face, the kisses much softer than what had just happened. He gave a sheepish grin.

"Did you like that or was it a bit too-"

"It was perfect," you purred, entangling your fingers through his hair.

Ryuzaki's face lit up with the praise, hesitating as his mouth hovered over your still-covered breast. Shivers ran up your spine watching him slowly roll up your shirt and unhook your bra. The cool night air made your nipples stand erect. Just to tease him a bit, you rolled your shoulders, making them shift sensually. His eyes lidded, his breath on your skin hot. Leaning back, he quickly threw off his own shirt, sliding on his elbows, his skin touching your sides. Moving forward, his wrapped his lips around a bud and you gasped, arching into him. 

" _Shit_ ," you breathed, whimpering with every flick and curl of his tongue.

He was careful with his teeth, lightly grazing. Ryuzaki switched to you other one, making the fire under your skin burn and even itch. You reached down, slipping your hand into his jeans. His breath caught when your wrapped your fingers around his hard member. You pumped your hand and he bit down a little harder than he meant to on your nipple. You yelped and his eyes flashed in alarm, but you smiled.

"It's okay, just wasn't expecting it," you giggled. Leaning down, your breath tickled his ear, "but I guess you'll have to be _really_ careful what you do with your mouth, hm?"

His gaze clouded over. Ryuzaki made low sound every time you moved your hand dragging your fingers along his shaft. So many times, he wanted to bite down, but had to stop himself. He tried pursing his lips and sucking to distract, but that only made you gasp, increasing your pace and making him moan. He was throbbing, so close when you pulled away and he gave an almost desperate whine.

The both of you fought to get your pants off. His eyes widened, flickering over your curves. Stretching out enticingly, your brow quirked. He surged forward, entering with a calculated and quick thrust.

You let out a lewd sound you didn't even know you could _make_. He was so filling, making it impossible to think about anything else. Ryuzaki stayed still, letting you get adjusted. Holding onto the back of his neck, you nodded into his shoulder.

"Make me see those gorgeous stars," you paused and winced, laughing, "sounded more sexy in my head."

He laughed his strange and unique laugh, crashing his lips against your temple, his lips trembling in excitement. His hips rolled, moving inside of you. Your grip on the back of his neck tightened, grabbing a fistful of hair at the base of his scalp. Ryuzaki sighed into the crook of your neck, his thrusts coming faster. You latched your teeth into his skin, making him give a husky sound, his hands snaking to your waist. 

You mewled, tugging harshly on his hair. _Too hard_? Well, judging from the sounds he made, just right. Ryuzaki shifted your legs up. You inhaled sharply, the position new and sending a jolt through your limbs. It gave him easier access, nearly bending you in half as he thrusted. You clawed at the bedsheets, throwing your head back, loud moans escaping your throat.

" _Oh, God_ ," he grunted, groaning.

Your eyes popped when he gave a high-pitched sound and came, spurting hotness and making you quiver. Ryuzaki kept thrusting, smashing sloppy kisses against your jaw until your entire body arched, your system washing over.

The orgasm rocked your body, making you hear white noise and drowning everything else out. Ryuzaki exhaled, sporadically jerking into your body. Breathing heavily, the two of you came down from the high, him slowly untangling himself from you and pulling you against him. You nuzzled into that milky pale chest, watching it rise and fall.

"So it wasn't just drunken horniness that made it feel so good," you joked.

His entire body seemed to hum in agreement. Ryuzaki tenderly tucked some hair away from your sweaty features, his fingertips brushing the side of your face.

"I'm glad... I don't... I don't think I've ever felt like that before..."

You took in his features, trying to hide your smile. Burying your face against his heart, you listened to the beating until you fell asleep, his arms wrapping around you.

A buzzing.

Your eyes fluttered open to see that it was morning, the sun slicing through the blinds. You looked to see Ryuzaki still sleeping, his hair even more wild around his head than usual, his face serene and calm. Rolling over, you sleepily slapped at the ground for your phone, grumbling as you sifted through the discarded clothes.

It vibrated again, signaling two minutes had passed and you found it, holding it up half-consciously. Your brow furrowed in confusion.

**Last night, Leon Caron was murdered. We need you back as soon as possible.**

_The fuck_? You blinked, examining the phone. _Oops, it's Ryuzaki's_... damn, maybe he was a James Bond agent or something. A murder? You stared at the phone, your mind still not completely awake. Your eyes popped when you looked at the sender. Watari.

Most wouldn't know the name or give it a second thought, but you knew. Any mentions of him were brief in the news, everyone choosing to focus on the dramatic mystery of L. But you followed enough of L's cases to know about Watari...

You twisted around in the bed, your eyes huge. He was still sleeping, his face plastered into the pillow, thin frame rising and falling. Dropping the phone back to the ground like it was burning, your mouth fell open.

"Holy shit."


	7. Are You Okay?

You watched him sleep, trying to decide how you felt about this new development. It was starting to feel like you were noticing more things about him that you hadn't last night. A pale white scar on his chest, his fingerprints burned off at some point... you ran a hand tiredly through your hair. On one hand, the thought of having the sexy greatest detective in the world wasn't too unappealing. On the other... the kind of people who were looking for him... just being around him put you in danger! You exhaled, trying to figure something out. Trying to balance yourself. 

Could this really be L? It didn't feel real... _L_ didn't feel real. Anyone ever talking about him revered him almost like a myth or legend, on an untouchable pedestal. Seeing Ryuzaki splayed out on the bed, messy hair plastered over his pale face made 'L' feel uncomfortably _human_. 

But so many things still didn't add up. Why was he teaching in a music hall? Why spend time around _you_? Did he like you for you or was there an ulterior motive? Leaning against the headrest, you stared at him...

He was human.

A shiver ran up your spine remembering the old decrepit house where he used to live. Where a kid used to be. You chewed on your lip, surprised that your hand wanted to reach out and stroke his hair. _What kind of a life have you had_?

Suddenly it was all making sense. The aliases, his borderline-constant paranoia... His eyes opened and you started, staring down at stormy grey. A sleepy smile crossed Ryuzaki's lips. It was so serene and... peaceful... The look stole your breath. You wanted to see _more_ of it. If you could just freeze this moment in time... he massaged the bridge of his nose groggily, brow furrowed.

"I didn't drink, but it feels like I'm hungover," he giggled, "how long did we sleep?"

You rolled your shoulders, glancing at the clock.

"About 5 hours. I know it's not a lo-"

"5 hours?!"

His eyes widened, this new expression unreadable. His lips twitched, bowing his head sheepishly.

"I can't remember the last time I slept for 5 hours straight."

Your heart tugged. Yikes. Sliding down so you were horizontal with him, you traced his features, your fingers gently passing over the bags on his face. His eyes remained trained on you, scanning your own features. To your surprise though, he subtly pushed his face into your hand, lightly nuzzling your palm. Your throat felt caught, your heart drumming. 

"Ryuzaki... are you okay?"

The question was vague enough that he could answer however he wanted. His gaze went glassy, a hollow deadness spreading over his features.

"Yeah," he rasped, "everyone's happy with how I'm-"

"I'm not asking about anyone else... I'm asking about you."

His eyes flickered, as if he'd never been asked that. He looked genuinely taken aback, his eyes lost in thought at the question. Ryuzaki's lip quivered, his hand resting on the back of yours, just holding your palm against his cheek, almost pleadingly. The sunlight filtered in, making the room glow golden, making his pale skin look warm. When he answered, it was impossibly quiet and small.

"Don't worry about me."

There was a tense moment where neither of you spoke, just drinking in the sun, existing in this bubble where the two of you could pretend like you'd known each for years. His fingers glided from the back of your hand to your own face, those long digits running softly along your skin and touching your chin. The action was shockingly tender. His mouth opened, but he hesitated, quietly withdrawing his fingers. It left an emptiness on your skin.

"I'm hungry," he chirped, giving an obviously forced smile, "I saw this beautiful cafe down the street. Breakfast?"

As you stepped into the bathroom to take a shower, you noticed him out of the corner of your eye scooping up his phone. Fear quickly flashed over his features before it was quickly buried. 

L's perspective

The water for the shower was running. Leaning against the headrest, I read and reread it a hundred times. I glared at the new message, my fingers trembling. One more dead... including Y/n, that meant only 5 targets left. What happens if all the targets die? Would the killing stop? What did the killer want? Why go after these specific people? I quickly pushed that thought out of my brain. To find out, Y/n would die, and that wasn't happening.

I wouldn't let it. While she took a shower, I texted Watari.

**I'll be there around 4. Our train leaves at 2.**

**W: Do you have any idea why the killer's after these people?**

I hesitated, my thumbs hovering nervously.

**No. I don't. I'll talk with her during breakfast and see what I can deduce.**

**W: Hm, close enough for breakfast? Be careful.**

**Relax, I'm not compromised. Y/n doesn't even know I'm L.**

Quickly pocketing the phone before he could reply, I waited for the shower, staring at the ground.

_What makes you so special to the killer?_

* * *

He wasn't kidding about it being a beautiful cafe. The two of you sat outside nibbling on your breakfasts. Before you were fields of grape vines, stretching out as far as you could see. It was hard not to watch him, so many thoughts swirling in your brain. You must've been staring a bit too hard because his face tilted curiously.

"Are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past five minutes."

"Hm? Oh... yeah, I'm fine... Sorry."

Looking back at the cafe, the tv was on inside. You blinked as they started talking about Leon Caron, the latest victim in the Ribbon Raven Murders. _That's the guy Watari was talking about. The one who was murdered last night! So... he's here for the Ribbon Raven Murders_... leaning forward, you sipped your coffee thoughtfully, motioning to the tv inside.

"The Ribbon Raven Murders are getting pretty serious. That's what, 12 victims now?"

There was definitely a subtle shift in his demeanor. His lips were tight as he nodded.

"It's despicable. I'm sure they'll catch the killer soon."

"Yes... I'm sure they will..."

You bit your lip, trying to find other ways to subtly probe. Placing your chin in the cup of your hand, you stuffed the crepe into your mouth. He was having a field day with own crepes, so soaked in syrup that they might as well have just been liquid. Ryuzaki cleared his throat, scooting forward in his chair.

"Tell me about yourself. What made you give up busking?"

You blinked, curiosity eating at your mind. _What are you getting at, Ryuzaki_? Rolling your shoulders, you chuckled.

"I didn't give it up, it just wasn't sustainable to live off of. I did a couple gigs, but they didn't really lead anywhere, so I joined the orchestra. I still busk when I can though."

Ryuzaki ran a thumb along his lip, nodding more so to himself. 

"You must've met many interesting people along the way."

You watched him. This felt like more than just friendly conversation. There was something deep and analytical that made you drum your fingers.

"Yeah," you said brightly, eating more crepe, "I've made lots of friends since I moved here."

Ryuzaki didn't say anything at first. He poked at his breakfast with his fork, suddenly looking not hungry.

"I see... who are your closest friends?"

Your closest?

"What's with the interrogation?" You asked in a joking tone, wondering what he'd say. Why was he so interested in the people you knew?

Ryuzaki faltered, shrugging.

"It's not," he defended, "just curious."

 _Curious my ass_. 

"Hm. Not sure if I could pick just one good friend," you answered truthfully. There were a surprising amount of people you'd met in your time in France. None of them seemed like characters 'L' would be interested in. 

Ryuzaki bit his lip, looking like he wanted to press on but probably deciding not to push it too far. You examined him, sipping at your coffee.

"Hey Ryuzaki, why do we tell actors to break a leg?"

"Huh?" His face twisted in utter confusion.

"... Because every play needs a cast!"

You burst out cackling while a look of pure pain filtered over his eyes. He groaned, massaging his forehead. 

"Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?"

"I got loads more where that came from," you giggled.

"Nuh-uh, my turn... we all know 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, but do you know _why_ 7 8 9?"

Your eyes narrowed challengingly.

"Why?"

His lips curved, eyes sparking.

"Because you need 3 squared meals a day."

You moaned while he chuckled, looking very proud with himself.

"Oh yeah? What kind of music is scary for balloons?"

"Jesus Chr-"

"Pop music!"

He snorted at that, quickly covering his mouth and shaking his head in indignation.

"You just wish to see me suffer," he accused.

"It's fun," you purred. 

"Well be careful, or there may be treble."

"Pfft, nah. I can kick anyone's bass."

The two of you went back and forth until you were certain the waitress _despised_ the two of you. He glanced at his phone, motioning to the town down the road.

"If we want to walk around the shops a little more, we should go now."

It was a gorgeous day, and even after finding out who he was, you found you didn't want it to end. Ryuzaki seemed so happy, his eyes lit up and openly laughing. It surprised you how disappointed you felt when the two of you were getting on the train and it was pulling away from the station. You looked out the window at the rolling hills zooming by, the fields of fruit and vines that lit up the countryside. Ryuzaki looked too, smiling softly.

You blinked, stunned when he slowly intertwined his fingers with yours. His hand was warm, sending pleasant jolts up your limbs. Guilt threaded up your chest. Should you tell him you knew? A part of you said yes, but another part held you back. You liked what the two of you had. It was somehow both complicated and simple at the same time. Turning to face him, you grinned, pressing your lips to his, your stomach doing flips. Huh, the two of you had done the hottest things to each other but this little close-mouthed kiss was making your heart jump? He returned it, his tongue flicking over your bottom lip.

His fingers squeezed yours, sending heat up your cheeks. 

The train lurched to a stop and the two of you exited. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours.

"I'm glad we did this," he whispered.

You nodded, kissing him slowly.

"Tonight after practice, I'm going drinking with a couple friends. You want to come?"

Ryuzaki considered, nibbling on his thumb.

"Friends? How good of friends are they?"

"I mean, I like spending time with them. If you don't, I promise we'll leave."

He hesitated, ultimately nodding.

"I look forward to it."


	8. Rocky Pasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: brief mentions of suicide

L's perspective

I examined the crime scene thoughtfully, nibbling on my thumb. Leon Caron had been poisoned whereas Amelie Bisset was strangled. They'd found the raven feather stuffed in one of Leon's drawers, the little red bow tied around the stem. 

As I wandered through the apartment, I paused, kneeling by Leon's guitar. It was a beautiful instrument albeit a bit old. _He was one of the performers at Mauvais, what's the connection_? Watari was already standing dutifully, waiting for my analysis. Making my way through the room, I crouched, staring at an empty and small bookcase.

"Did police take anything from here?"

"No... why?"

"Look at the pattern of dust on the shelves. It's uneven with clean strips, indicating there was something thin and small in those areas, thinner than a dvd case... cds perhaps?"

After a few minutes of talking to the officers outside, Watari came back in, shaking his head.

"No cds were found in the apartment."

"Hm. It's not a definite clue, it can be explained as easily as 'Leon didn't want them anymore and threw them out'. But it's still something to make a note of."

Anything. If I could just find something to latch onto! Sighing, I shook my head. This case was turning out to be more of a pain in the ass than I thought it would. But as far as I could tell, there weren't any other clues left behind by the killer. The locks hadn't been forced, just like Amelie's, still indicating that both victims knew the killer. Even after talking to both victims' closest friends, there was no obvious connection or tie besides the fact that they were both musicians from the Mauvais. The bar itself was seedy, no one really paying attention to who came and left, even if that person was a regular. 

Straightening, I started moving for the exit. Watari glanced at me in surprise.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I'll be back to the hotel sometime later tonight."

Watari didn't say anything.

* * *

As soon as practice was over, you jogged into the classroom, seeing Ryuzaki on his laptop, lollipop hanging from his lips. A part of you was still in disbelief, refusing to believe that he was L. It was so... improbable. The same prickles of guilt rose up your chest, making you wring your fingers. _I should really tell him I know_. His eyes went up, widening, his lips twitching into a smile. The expression made you breath catch. You faltered, chewing on your lip. _Maybe after the evening. Yeah! Am I procrastinating? Yes. Will I stop procrastinating? Tomorrow_. 

His gaze flicked over your outfit, pupils dilating. Heat rose up your cheeks, smoothing the tight dress nervously. It'd been a while since you'd actually bothered with your outfit, but the look on his face was definitely worth it. 

"You ready to go?" You chirped, "our ride's here."

"Oh, of course."

Clementine was driving, Rue leaning against the side of the car, cigarette between his fingers.

Ryuzaki froze, his entire demeanor changing. The shift was so abrupt and unexpected that your eyes couldn't help but dart between them. Rue's face twisted and contorted into mute fury and _hatred,_ his nose wrinkling in disgust. _They know each other_. The realization rocked you, sending alarms blaring in your brain. Your face fell. _Fuck_. How well did they know each other?! Rue couldn't possibly know that Ryuzaki was L, right? You held your breath, expecting some kind of confrontation. But Ryuzaki cleared his throat, nodding towards Rue.

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

Annoyance flashed over Rue's face. He didn't respond, instead opting to slide into the car, folding his arms quietly. You gently touched Ryuzaki's arm.

"Do you know him?"

Ryuzaki scanned your face, eyes flickering. He hunched his shoulders, his voice a low mumble.

"Our past doesn't matter."

 _Liar. Either that or you're deluding yourself._ But before you could say anything, he was motioning to the car.

"Shall we?"

"... Are you sure?"

"There's no reason not to proceed."

He said this meaningfully, his eyes begging you to drop it. Sighing, you bobbed your head, sitting in between the two of them.

Suffice to say, the ride was a bit awkward.

Neither of them said anything, not even when the waitress came with food, setting a slice of cheesecake in front of Ryuzaki. Rue looked in his direction, snorting.

"What, you can't handle real food?"

"Bold words from someone who's diet consists 81% of strawberry jam," Ryuzaki replied cooly.

Rue's cheeks went a bright red, but he clamped his jaw, sending the whole table into another uncomfortable silence. Clementine shifted, looking she'd rather be anywhere but there. You picked at your food, suddenly not hungry and regretting all of your life choices. Wasn't it your fault everyone was in this situation? You'd invited Ryuzaki... but then again, how were you supposed to know?! It was kind of a cascade in your brain where it said 'yup, you will feel guilt for this and your guilt for this will remind you of that and then that until you're slapping yourself over that pencil you stole in kindergarten'.

It felt like forever until Rue stood up.

"I need a smoke," he growled.

He stalked out of the restaurant, not looking back. Ryuzaki hesitated before swinging out of the booth.

"I'll be right back."

You blinked, watching him lurch in the same direction as Rue. _Welp. Either they sort out whatever and become best friends or someone's going to the hospital tonight_.

* * *

L's perspective

He was leaning against one of the posts outside the restaurant, smoke trailing from his mouth. Wow, I'd been tailing him from a distance but seeing him so up-close... even though his hair was frayed, it was apparent he'd been taking care of his body, making it much stronger and broader than it used to be. A surge of protectiveness went up my chest. Couldn't I just hug him? Tell him that everything would be okay? Standing by the other post parallel to him, I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye... I really didn't want us to meet up like this... yes, I was keeping him under observation, but I wanted to reconnect with him! When he didn't say anything, I twisted my shirt nervously.

"You bleached your hair," I whispered, looking out over the quiet parking lot, "it's nice... it makes you- you look a lot like Mom."

Was it really the right thing to say? He was only 4 when she died... B didn't respond at first, blowing his smoke out. When he did speak, his voice was low and bitter.

"I was sick of looking so much like you."

"... I know..."

"Fuck you, L."

His eyes were wet as he shoved the cigarette back between his lips. B's eyes snapped in my direction, something broken and almost desperate behind his gaze. It made my breath catch, my chest ache.

"Seriously," his voice cracked, "fuck you. I finally found a place, I'm trying to start over and you come and fuck it all up. What are you even doing here?"

I didn't answer. A part of me wanted to. One should be able to implicitly trust their brother. But what if he really was the killer? He obviously had a familiar connection with Y/n... my silence was all the answer he needed. He spoke in a hushed, rasped tone.

"Oh, you think I'm that serial killer on the news? Just because I was a bit troubled when I was younger?"

"Because you were very unstable after A's death, crashed two cars, set fire to your room, and killed six cats. Yes, B. I'm scared for you and I do think you're capable of this."

B's nostrils flared, his eyes red.

"At least I felt something. Where were _you_ when our brother _killed himself_? Heartless bastard."

A flinch went up my spine. 

"I was already going through something. I couldn't afford to break down. E-everyone needed me."

" _I needed you!_ " He practically yelled. B faltered, making sure no one heard, his voice lowering an octave, resentment bleeding through his tone, "I'm sorry, I forgot. Ely was having relationship issues!"

" _Fuck_ you," the words left before I could stop them, "you don't know what happened!"

B's chest swelled, grey eyes darkening with the challenge.

"Oh? What's wrong, Ely? Why don'tcha ever talk about it, hm? Did she realize she was fucking a freak or something?"

My heart quickened, my throat closing on me. _No, I can't do a panic attack... not now, please not now_ -

"Shut up, B."

"Must've been some breakup to make you disappear for three years!"

The world was spinning, pitching in all directions. My stomach cramped, vision blurring. _I-I have to_ \- I tried to swallow, my lip quivering.

"B! Please!"

"I wonder what she told you! It must've really hurt your feely-weelys."

"I swear to God, you better _shut up_!"

"Make me."

We glared at each other, fire burning. He leaned in, his lips curling.

"Better get back to your new girlfriend, hm?"

There was an unspoken threat hanging in the air. The blood roared in my ears, begging me to punch or kick him. To wipe that smug expression off of his face. My limbs were still shaking, but I could feel myself coming down from the high, retaking control of my body. There was a tense moment where none of us spoke, until I sniffed.

"I'm glad you got yourself a life. It was pretty sad that you kept imitating me."

Rage sparked in his eyes, but he didn't say anything. Without looking at him again, I pushed back into the restaurant. 

Y/n gave me a cautious look, worry bleeding through her gaze.

"Is everything..."

"It's okay."

Your perspective

Rue stayed outside for another few minutes before coming in and saying he'd walk home. You stared at him incredulously.

"It's an hour walk!"

He rolled his shoulders, "I'll be fine."

And just like that, he was gone. Even without him, the mood felt strange and Clementine bade the two of you goodnight, scurrying away. Ryuzaki's eyes were trained on his untouched cheesecake, the slice sitting there as if mocking him. You swallowed thickly, tugging nervously at a lock of hair.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, "I-I didn't realize-"

He looked up at you with his large grey eyes, spotlights that made your tongue heavy in your mouth.

"Why are you apologizing?" He gave a gentle smile, his eyes shining kindly, "I was the one who intruded and ruined the night."

You cleared your throat, picking at your palm. Memories of home, of always having to be perfect swirled in your brain. The idea that almost anything and everything was your fault and how you'd have to apologize even if it wasn't. You gave a tight smile, trying to seem nonchalant.

"I don't know. Seemed like the thing to do."

His face flashed in concern, but he didn't press. The two of you simply sat there, listening to the sound around. A couple of families in the booths, drinkers at the bar talking and laughing loudly, friends tipping back their drinks. Ryuzaki shifted closer, experimentally touching your fingers. Pleasant shivers ran up your spine when he softly dragged his fingertips along yours, the action subtle yet tender. His voice had a quiet crack to it.

"I really am sorry, I- I didn't expect... I don't know... I still want to spend time with you... I don't want this night to be a complete bust."

Your brow quirked. Leaning on the table, your nose crinkled thoughtfully. 

"A nice, peaceful walk through the park'd be nice," you chuckled.

He smiled, the action somehow both small and large.

"A peaceful walk through the park it is."


	9. Not Just You

Rue was avoiding you, and whenever your eyes did meet, he didn't bother hiding the disdain. He refused to even talk to you, making an active and conscious effort to turn the other way if he saw you. It sucked, but... you didn't push it. 

Before you'd known it, 2 weeks had passed. 2 weeks without another murder. It wasn't too strange, the killer's times seemed to be all over the place, the shortest times between murders being one day and the longest being a month. You found yourself spending so much time with Ryuzaki, and you found... you liked spending time with him. It wasn't just Champagne as its own mini-universe. Even in normal life, you were thinking about him more and more.

The two of you mostly hung out in the classroom, coffee shop, restaurants, sometimes to museums. You don't even know where the idea to invite him to your apartment came from, but somehow you ended up asking if he wanted to come over for dinner.

Clearing your throat nervously, you opened your door, Ryuzaki standing in uncertainty behind you. He'd never actually been to your apartment. Of course you'd tried neatening it up, but all you saw were clumps of dust and dirt stains. Wincing, you shook your head.

"Okay so, dinner. Um... I can order delivery?"

You looked at him and felt your chest swell. Ryuzaki looked just as awkward and nervous about being in your apartment as you were. His shoulders were more hunched that usual, his frame as small as possible as if trying to disappear into thin air. Suppressing a giggle, you placed the order and invited him to sit on the sofa with you. To your shock, he didn't sit in his usual crouch or perch. His limbs were long and stiff, his fingers fiddling. Blinking, you watched him curiously. Ryuzaki noticed, grey eyes flickering over your face. He rose a thumb to his lips, softly nibbling on the pad of his fingertip.

"I've never been invited to someone's house as a guest," he murmured sheepishly.

Seriously? It was hard to hide your surprise. Even as L, you would've thought _someone_ would've once invited him just to hang out. No other purpose, business or ulterior motive. Although you supposed that any invitations he got were towards L, which he couldn't accept. 

"Oh... no problem. Well, while we wait for the food to get here, we could pick out a movie?"

Ryuzaki nodded, shifting closer. You faltered, your nostrils flaring. Strawberries and vanilla? Holy shit, he smelled like strawberries and vanilla! Leaning forward subconsciously, you inhaled, your mind completely assaulted by the sweet and aromatic scents. You almost groaned out loud, ready to just sit there and smell him forever.

His eyes bored into you, intrigue and analytical bleeding through his gaze.

"Do you have strawberry-scented shampoo?" You asked curiously.

Soft pink lit up his features, turning his entire face a darker shade. 

"Good or bad? I hoped you might like it, but I'm a uh, a horrible judge of such things. I was standing in the aisle for five minutes trying to decide between strawberry and caramel."

The thought of him standing in a store agonizing over shampoo made your lips twitch, your stomach going bubbly. Scooting closer, your lips hovered an inch from his. His eyes darted, his pupils dilating. 

"It's perfect," you whispered.

For a second, he didn't move, his eyes consuming. You snorted.

"You seem extra nervous."

Ryuzaki licked at his lips, sighing with a nod.

"I've never done... _this_ before. Going to someone's house and just _being_ there. My entire life has been from orphanage to hotels. It's all strange."

Huh. You watched him, doing some quick math in your head. As far as you knew, L had surfaced as a detective around 13 years ago... that meant Ryuzaki would've had to be 11 or 12. Wow... he really never had been in a home. You opened your mouth to reply, but the bell rang with your food.

L's perspective

I hissed out a breath, trying to steady myself. It was weird to think about, but true. The only time I went into another person's house was to examine the owner's bodies. Parties? Charity events? Acquainting L with the powerful connections I had? That was always me talking through an earpiece to Watari from the relative safety of the hotel. Being in a home where no one had died felt so... different... than what I was used to.

We quietly ate at the table. I picked at my eclairs absently, staring at the little pastries. My stomach twisted unpleasantly. Standing in someone's house was _basic_ human interaction... what was wrong with me? I gently pushed the eclairs away. For the first time, it was too sweet, making my tongue buzz and my nerves jitter. I stared at the table, so lost in thought that I didn't notice Y/n hold out her dish. I faltered, glancing at her.

Her smile was kind, her eyes twinkling. 

"Finally got tired of sugar?"

A warm feeling spread through my chest, making it impossible to concentrate.

"Well it's not like sweets are the only thing I eat," I teased lightly.

Her brow arched skeptically, a grin playing at the corners of her lips.

"You sure about that?"

"Of course. I also eat fruit," I joked, sticking my tongue out as if I'd made a point.

Clearing my throat, I gingerly took some of the food, tentatively tasting it. 

You placed your chin in the cup of your hand. 

"So what do you do that you have to go hotel to hotel?"

A part of you suspected he wouldn't tell, but you were simply intrigued to hear his answer. Ryuzaki's thumb hung off his lips, his eyes conflicted. More conflicted than you'd ever seen him. He poked his fork around his dinner, not eating it and just moving it around the small bowl. 

The two of you ate quietly, just enjoying the other's company. At some point, you started humming under your breath. It was a subconscious action that you didn't even realize you were doing until you felt Ryuzaki's eyes on you. You met the gaze in confusion. Most would probably find his eyes too intense, too soul-piercing. But in all honesty, it didn't really bother you. If anything, you found his eyes fascinating, captivating and almost ethereal with how grey they were. 

"What song is that?"

"Hm?"

You had to actually think for a second before realizing you'd been singing at all.

"Oh! It's called 'King'."

"Your singing voice is beautiful."

Heat burned up your neck. Flushing, you scratched at your arm.

"Nah, you should really hear the original..."

"But I like your voice," he smiled, a certain tenderness behind the action.

You stared at him, your heart leaping wildly. Tucking your hair behind your ear, you tried focusing on your food, chewing on your lip.

"Thanks," you giggled.

He tilted his head.

"Do you sing often?"

"I try, but it's hard... do you sing?"

At that, his face went beat, tomato, bright red. A shade of red you'd never imagine you'd see on that pale skin. You quickly stuffed your mouth to keep from laughing.

"Would you be opposed to... singing something?" You asked slowly.

The look on his face was priceless, his ears as red as his face. The poor guy looked like you'd just asked him to go into battle. You batted your eyelashes, dropping your voice to make it sweet.

"Pleeeease?"

"You'll laugh."

"Will not!"

"Will too!"

"I'll bet you coffee for a month that I don't."

Ryuzaki pursed his lips, swirling his thumb thoughtfully. You made your voice reassuring, letting him know you were serious.

"In all honesty, I swear I won't."

His expression asked you 'promise?' and with yours, you confirmed. That made him shift, until he ultimately nodded. 

"Okay, well, I don't know too many songs... have you ever heard Gaeta's Lament?"

When you shook your head, he sighed in relief.

"Oh thank God, you won't be able to hear how bad I am."

"Jesus, don't sell yourself short! Your register has this really nice purr that could easily translate into song!"

He paused, eyes sparking teasingly.

"You think my voice purrs?"

You stammered, quickly trying to save face. His register dropped to an even lower octave, the sound reverberating in your chest. 

"You mean like this?" His voice hummed with the purr, deep and rumbling. 

Instantly, a fire was lit under your skin, your breathing coming out heavier. _Motherfucker's doing it just to mess with me_! A part of you was tempted to say screw the song and just listen to that purr forever but you wrinkled your nose.

"Pfft, you're stalling," you accused playfully.

Ryuzaki chuckled guiltily. He straightened, swallowing thickly. 

_"Alone she sleeps, in the shirt of man... with my three wishes clutched in her hand._ "

Your eyes widened, the sound washing over you. It was- it was beautiful. Haunting yet beautiful, portraying its own sort of sadness. You gaped, closing your eyes and just letting yourself hear it.

 _"The first that she be spared the pain, that comes from a dark and laughing rain. When she find love, may it always stay true. This I beg for the second wish I made too_."

You opened your eyes, the first thing you saw being his own. Ryuzaki faltered, stopping the song as the two of you locked gazes. When he continued, it was almost like he wasn't even aware he was singing it, the sound filling the otherwise silent apartment. You inhaled, feeling yourself getting lost in those orbs, the rest of the world falling away.

" _But wish no more. My life you can take. To have her please just one day wake-_ " he leaned in his lips inches from yours, " _to have her please just one day wake-_ " you gasped as he kissed you, the skin smooth and warm, sending shivers up and down your spine. He swayed backwards, his voice whisper-singing, " _to have her please... just one day wake..._ "

The silence was deafening, sending your pulse racing. He scanned your features, dark hair swept around his face in long bangs, your breaths mixing. Reaching out, you threaded your fingers through one of them, still in awe.

"And here I thought you said you couldn't sing," your breathed with a slight laugh.

Ryuzaki blinked.

"You liked it?"

"Ryuzaki, that was gorgeous... holy shit..."

He seemed genuinely taken aback by the compliment. His stance softened, his fingers wrapping around yours, long and cool. 

"Thank you... I've never sung for anyone else before."

Taking the sides of his face in your hands, you ran your thumbs over his ivory skin. The thought hit you before you could stop it or register it. _I don't want you to go. I don't want this to end.._. You didn't want to be involved in the Ribbon Raven Murders or whatever other dangerous case was going on, but you didn't want him to leave... it shocked you, but you found that you didn't care that he was L. You liked being with _him_. Once he solved the case, would he just vanish into thin air? _Like 2 years ago_? The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth, your eyes misting. 

Ryuzaki's expression flashed in concern as he touched your face, passing his fingers under your eyes. 

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth. You shuddered, squeezing his fingers.

"Ryuzaki, this thing between us... it's not just me, right? You feel it too? Because I- I care about you, and I need to know now if it's just me..."

He considered, his thumb rubbing delicate circles over your skin. Ryuzaki nuzzled your forehead. His voice came out soft, even a touch scared.

"It's not just you," he rasped, "I care about you too..."

Your neck craned, kissing him again. He returned it, the kiss getting more passionate, tongue dancing. Ryuzaki moaned into your mouth, sucking and nibbling on your bottom lip. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him as deep as you could into your mouth. Ryuzaki's long fingers slid up your back, shifting and gripping, slowly leading you to the bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> King by Lauren Aquilina, I highly recommend giving it a listen, it's a beautiful song. Ironically, it was used for an amv and the amv got 121 million views but the original song only has 2 million lmao:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xywqsEsOY0g
> 
> L's song (yes that is his voice actor ;) ):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPmRLvNl8nc


	10. What You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attacks
> 
> Also the beginning italicized section is conceptually disturbing. Just a quick warning for that.

_They leaned back in their chair, slipping the headphones over their ears. Oh God, it was like a drug. Inhaling deeply, they almost moaned out loud in anticipation. They closed their eyes, taking delicate sips from their drink, settling for the show as the cd spun. Fresh, undiscovered talent, voices unstained by corporate meddling filled their head. The song was their magnum opus. They knew they would never be able to make another piece of art such as this ever again.They loved music, and this was it in its purest form._

_Beautiful screams they'd recorded, edited, repeated and cut together to make gorgeous music. 12 people yelling and begging. No autotune. Just raw talent, curated to showcase each voice._

_A serene smile crossed their lips hearing Serena's screams overlapping with Reed's pleas for his life. Amelie's gagging was the perfect beat, just subtle enough in the background as to not take away from the others, but complicated in its own right._

_They hummed to the tune, Leon's gurgling adding to Amelie's beat and making the music swell. Daedra's sobs rose and fell in pitch, the entire piece crescendoing with Fiona's blood-curdling shriek, the rest of the voices dramatically cutting away. They shuddered, the hairs on their arms standing from the performance. **Exquisite**. They supposed they could stop there. There was the old adage that too much editing was just as bad as not enough. Don't fix something that's not broken. And each second of this song had its own perfection. _

_But the piece could be improved on._

_More falsetto voices. Yes. The chorus was also lacking in energy. Wayne's melodic ' **stop**!' could really use an extra element to make the sound fuller and more diverse. Something punchier that made the song truly drum in the chest, building up excitement for Fiona's final note._

_They quickly jotted down their thoughts, already planning the murder method that would best give them the sound they were looking for. It was getting harder, what with the police stakeouts thinking they were hidden so well and the growing investigation. But they didn't mind laboring for their music. It just made the final piece that much more special._

_Either way. It was a work of art._

Another week passed. You were starting to get used to waking up to see Ryuzaki, his pale chest facing upwards and breathing deeply. Lately, the bags under his eyes had been getting better. He looked more alert and awake. You snuggled closer against him, your eyes scanning down his ribs, to the grooves in his hips and his member resting comfortably. Sighing, you craned your neck, gently kissing his ear.

A smile crept up his thin lips, large eyes sliding open. 

"Hey," he mumbled.

"Hey," you purred, giggling while you kissed up his jawline.

He groaned, pulling you against him, his body both warm and cool. You gasped when he lightly sucked on the soft part of your throat, that talented tongue of his drawing lazy circles. He leaned in, his voice vibrating your skin.

"Do you have to go to work? I was thinking we could get some strawberry shortcake."

You shook your head excitedly.

"Nope, I'm yours all day."

Closing his eyes, his smile brightened.

"Yay." 

He rolled on top of you, capturing your lips. You spread your fingers through his thick hair, tugging at his scalp and earning you delicious moans. His fingers glided down your sides, his touch feathery. You framed his face, looking up at sharp features, his eyes soft. Ryuzaki twirled a lock of your hair affectionately.

"What do you want to do today? Anything you want."

"You choose. How do you spend free days?"

That seemed to genuinely catch him off-guard. He hesitated, giving a shaky smile. You gaped. _Have you?- ever had a free day_? Ryuzaki cleared his throat.

"M-museum. I go to the museum a lot."

Rolling your hips against his, he groaned, eyes lidding and pupils dilating. His grip on your sides tightened, his mouth open in pleasure.

"Then to the museum it is," you chuckled.

The day was about as perfect as one could be. Ever since that night where the thought came that you didn't want this to end, the feeling kept getting stronger. Ryuzaki made you _happy_. You weren't sure if you'd ever been this happy. Certainly not at home and although you'd felt a certain peace coming to France and working on your craft, you just felt like you were going through the motions, trying to find joy where you could, but ultimately feeling over-worked and sad. 

By the time the two of you got back to the apartment, the sun was setting, sending the sky into twilight. He slid down on the bed, inhaling deeply.

"It must be nice having an apartment," he murmured longingly, "always having the same place to go to, somewhere you can truly relax."

You shrugged, honestly never having given it too much consideration. But... yeah... to someone who lived exclusively in hotels, an apartment was pretty nice.

"Do you want one?" You asked curiously, sitting next to him on the bed. 

He bit down on his index finger staring up at the ceiling, a dreamy smile on his mouth and his eyes shining with the thought. _Yeah, he wants one_. You beamed, ready to hear about his dream apartment. But it died down, his smile drooping and his face darkening. Ryuzaki's voice came out small and regretful. 

"It doesn't matter what I want."

That brought memories. Your parents telling you that what you wanted or who you were didn't matter. Managing all of your money and inspecting your room for any merchandise they deemed 'problematic'. Making sure you didn't have any easy access to communicating with your friends. A shiver ran up your spine. You stared at him, not bothering to hide how intense your gaze was. He met it, the two of you seeming to exchange an entire conversation.

"You're wrong... it does matter what you want," you whispered. 

His eyes darted, avoiding you.

"No, it doesn't," he sighed. He turned on his side, giving you his back, "you wouldn't understand. My life doesn't belong to me."

Whoa. He said it so matter-of-factly, as if it was just an accepted part of his life. You stared at his back, your heart pounding so loudly that you were sure it'd burst. Who told him _that_? He was so much more than that. So much more than 'L'... your voice sounded foreign to your own ears. You wanted him to trust and confide in you, realize that someone actually saw him as a person!

"I do understand... there's something I have to tell you."

Ryuzaki turned, watch you expectantly. You twisted your fingers nervously. If he was going to leave and some point, and this thing went down in flames, you needed to know if this knowledge was a dealbreaker... The words came out before you could stop them.

"I know you're L."

The air went electrified, the hairs on your body standing.

You glanced at his eyes and froze. You'd expected suspicion, caution, shock, but that's not what you saw. Fear. No. Not even fear. Pure terror. It was almost existential how much terror you saw. Your breath caught.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It's just, I saw your phone back at the hotel and-"

W-was he even listening?... It didn't even feel like he was looking at you, his eyes distant and unfocused! His nostrils flared, a whimper leaving his throat. Worry raced up your spine. 

"Ryuzaki?! Are you okay?!"

Holy shit, he was shaking. He was literally shaking.

"Um- Ryu- are y... do you need me to call someone?"

He shook his head fervently, but his breath was coming out in ragged squeaks. Ryuzaki scratched at his chest, coughing under his breath.

The realization hit you so fast that it made your head spin. _He's having a panic attack. He- oh my God, what do I do?! He's having a panic attack! Stay calm, calm..._

Slowly inching closer, you forced your voice to go as soothing as you could make it.

"Hey... do you want to talk about it? Are you breathing okay?"

Ryuzaki hung his head, trying to gasp in breaths.

"Is- is it okay if I hug you?"

He nodded rapidly, whimpering. Enveloping him, it shocked you how badly he was still shaking, his body rattling against yours. Holding him tightly, you buried your nose into the thick of his hair, inhaling the scent of strawberries. He burrowed into you, pressing the side of his face against your chest. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but if it makes you feel any better, I really don't care about that kind of stuff... I like spending time with _you_."

Ryuzaki was struggling to talk, thumping his foot against the bed in frustration. You opted to tighten your grip, kissing the top of his head and drawing patterns up and down his arms. It worked as he sagged into your grip, his whimpers devolving until he was quiet.

"Scar," he rasped, riding up his shirt. 

The scar on his chest... you looked between it and his face. Sweat had beaded his brow, making his wild hair stick to the back of his neck. Ryuzaki tried explaining, but it all came out in an incoherent jumble, impossible to distinguish the individual words. You gently touched his arm. How did the calm and collected guy you'd gotten to know become so flustered? He clamped his jaw, quivering under your touch. Scooting so you were leaning against the headrest, you motioned for him to join you.

Ryuzaki slowly curled against you, his ear resting on your heart.

"I can't trust anyone," he breathed.

You opened your mouth to respond, but he kept repeating under his breath, a mantra to himself, his voice getting quieter and quieter. You found yourself mindlessly combing your fingers through his hair, the soft locks slipping between your digits. At this point, he'd gone silent, his breathing even and steady.

"Ryuzaki... do you want some hot chocolate?"

He gave a single nod, pressing against the headrest while you made it. While the milk warmed, you pulled down blankets from the closet, gently wrapping it around his shoulders. A surge of protectiveness welled up in your chest seeing how he tugged the blanket tighter around himself, like a lifeline. Bringing the hot chocolate over, the two of you sipped from your cups. 

Outside, rain was hitting the window, the soft pitter-patter the only sound in the room.

"I'm sorry," you murmured.

"It's not your fault... something happened to me when I was 16."

You noticed his grip on the cup's handle squeeze, his voice lowering, "actually, everything seemed to go wrong at once when I was 16."

"I know this thing between us is still new and weird, but... you can tell me."

Ryuzaki swished the sweet liquid in his mug, just watching the chocolate swirl and dip, the gooey marshmallows spreading. He pushed a hand through his wild hair, his eyes flickering.

"How long have you known I was L?"

"A few weeks," you admitted, heat rising up your cheeks, "ever since we went to Champagne."

He gaped, eyes owlish and examining me.

"That long?"

You confirmed and he let out an awed sound, running his finger along the rim of the cup. He chuckled, a sound mixing sadness and dryness.

"Wow," he croaked, massaging the bridge of his nose, "my name's L Lawliet."

His eyes slid in your direction, simply waiting for something. A reaction? Something else? You blinked, gnawing on your lip.

"Your first name's actually L?"

His lips twitched.

"I'll never know what my parents were thinking."

You snorted, holding the heat of the cup into your palms. Ryu- L- hesitated, his eyes going distant.

"The only person in my life who knows is Watari..." He hung his head, trying to compose himself. When he looked back up at you, his eyes were wet and in pain.

"Her name was Kira."


	11. Kira

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: References to suicide, references consensual underage

_My nerves were_ _jumping. I'd been thinking about this for what felt like forever. It almost didn't feel real that I was doing this..._

 _"_ _T-there's something I have to tell you."_

_"Oh?"_

_I swallowed._

_"My name... it's an alias."_

_Her eyes went wide and round._

_"An alias?" She breathed, "I don't- I don't understand."_

_There was snow falling on the bridge, but it wasn't cold enough to freeze the water below yet. She bit at her nail, eyes darting around my face. I'd never told anyone outside of Watari my real name. It was just an extra security measure. But I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know everything about me._

_I loved_ _her._

_"My name's L Lawliet... I'm so sorry I lied, I just, my caretaker says I can't wear my name on my sleeve."_

_She leaned forward, the flakes landing in her lashes. I held my breath, scanning her warm eyes. Kira was so beautiful that it took my breath away._

_"Your name... you're L? Like **the** L?"_

_I nodded, shrinking under her impossibly wide eyes. An unexpected giddiness shivered up my spine. **Someone else knows**! I smiled, taking in her soft dark hair, her sweet and spicy scent._

_"L Lawliet," she repeated under her breath, hissing out, "you said you were an orphan... was that a lie too?"_

_"No."_

_She took a step towards me, her lips inches from mine. I swayed on my feet, already leaning forward... when something plunged into my sternum._

_I froze. My heart pounded. **Shit, it's racing**. I held a hand up to my sternum, opening my mouth. Blood gurgled out and dripped down my chin. It gushed from the wound, over my fingers, sticky and warm. _

_Kira smiled, amber eyes deceptively kind._

_"That's all I needed," she cooed, "now that I have your name, it's all a matter of finding the legendary orphanage that makes new Ls and burning it to the ground, killing or taking every single one of those kids. Ross sends his regards."_

_Ross, the name sounded familiar... oh. That mafia boss I'd put away two months ago. Kira- she was one of them? Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. But- no! This- no... I slept with her! We- I loved her... her lips brushed mine, cold and hot at the same time._

_"At least you didn't die a virgin," she purred, giving my bottom lip a lick, "lucky you, no one would sleep with such a fucking freak."_

_A whimper escaped as I watched her._

_"I-it was all a lie?"_

_"Come on, Lawliet, you should've known. You can have L or love. Not both. And even if you tried, it'll always end in tragedy. I'm doing your future lovers a **favor**."_

_Favor...? A part of me knows she's right. It's an impossible existence. Even if I keep telling myself it's not... maybe that's the moment I started secretly hating being L. The seed of resentment. Who knows? Of course I'd never admit it to Watari. Or anyone else. So many people were counting on me._

_I can't be selfish._

_L doesn't belong to me. My life doesn't belong to **me**. _

_Kira giggled as she violently pulled the knife out of my sternum. A dry laugh almost escaped my throat. Well, my life won't belong to **anyone** pretty soon. She leaned forward, gripping the back of my scalp. My eyes fluttered, the world hazy and smelling like blood. But I can also smell her shampoo mixed with it, cinnamon and spice all rolled in one. Her mouth is on mine, tasting like caramel and vanilla. I shiver, leaning against the bridge's railing._

_It's such a long drop... it makes sense why she suggested we take a nighttime stroll here... no one will ever find my body... clever. **Watari will. He knew I was going out with her... maybe he'll find the body before the sun even comes up.**_

_**I'm going to die. I'm 16 and I'm going to die**._

_Everything is a haze as she wrapped a rope around my throat, pulling it tight. I instinctively gagged, trying to scratch it. She pressed me so hard against the railing that it genuinely hurt._

_"There's a rumor that you have brothers. Is that true?"_

_"Go to Hell," I spat, clawing at my skin. At some point, it got under my nails, resulting in red streaks down my neck._

_Her laugh echoed._

_"So you do. Good to know. Tell me their names."_

_I was seeing double, my muscles having trouble keeping up with the lack of oxygen. Coughing, I tried shaking my head, tried to clear._

_"I don't have brothers," I squeaked, but her lips simply curled._

_"I don't believe you," she sing-sang, rearing back and punching the stab wound._

_A cry left my throat, tears running down the corners of my eyes._

_"Kira," I whimpered, trying to grab hold of her wrists, "please... I love you-"_

_"Brothers' names."_

_My breaths came out in labored gulps._

_"You know I'd never tell you," I whispered._

_Her face twitched in rage._

_"You know I'm pretty smart. I'll find them one way or another. If you tell me what I want right now, I promise it'll be a quick death. If you don't, I'll kill them slowly. I'll make them wish they were dead."_

_"You'll... you'll never... never-"_

_I wanted to scream but couldn't as she started shoving me off the railing, getting onto it herself and violently pulling. My fingers latched into the rough stone, hanging on so desperately that my fingertips became bloody._

_A shot rang out and her eyes popped, her mouth falling open in surprise. My body stiffened. Kira slumped, her hand going to her chest. Blood soaked her shirt, and she met my eyes, a myriad of things passing through her expression._ _My stomach turned on me, going queasy._

 _"Kira?" I was surprised by the note of panic in my voice... I didn't want her to die. Even after what she just did and said... I didn't want her to die... She didn't respond. "Kira!_ **"**

_Watari was the one holding the gun. Kira gasped, blood running down the sides of her mouth. She swayed on top of the railing... and fell for the water below. There wasn't a scream. One second she was there, the next, she was gone._

_"K-Kira?"_

_I looked at Watari, my thoughts sluggish, but one thing running through my brain._

_"Dad!" I screamed, my knees finally giving out on me._

_He swept forward, swinging me up. I noticed a locator in his jacket pocket. Was he following me on my date? Hm... sounded like him. He never liked her. Tremors ran through my body, my brain crashing on me. The little logical part told me I was in shock, but the message wasn't getting across._

_"Kira! Stop! No! Put me down! Kira!"_

_"L! I need you to calm down!"_

_A shriek tore through my throat, " **KIRA!** "_

_He hugged me tightly, throwing the two of us into the limo and yelling at the driver to go. Everything was fading to black as he tried putting pressure on the wound._

_"I told you," Watari rasped, his eyes wet, "Goddamnit, I told you, L! You can't trust anyone!"_

_"I can't trust anyone..." even through the grogginess, my voice sounded so... small... was that really my voice? "I can't trust anyone... I ca- Ki- oh, God, Kira!"_

_My mouth fell open, sobs choking and strangling me. My teeth were chattering, my limbs shaking._

_The world spun to darkness._

* * *

_I was in the hospital for a two weeks, healing. My entire neck was wrapped from the scratch marks and rope burn and I had padding and heavy bandages all along my front, making me look like a sad excuse of a mummy. Two weeks of thinking about nothing but Kira. I knew it was wrong to reminisce about the good times when she was so obviously evil, but I couldn't help myself. Her face and voice followed everywhere, every little thing I saw violently throwing me into a memory with her. Besides the last one, I'd never been happier with anyone else. Everything hurt, physically and emotionally. A kind of pain that I'd never experienced. It left me breathless, made sleep next to impossible. I think I just gave on sleep at some point._

_I missed her and I was sure nothing could compare to the pain._

_And then Watari gently knocked on the door._

_I'd been having a strange feeling all day, a restless horribleness in my gut. A bad omen stirring in my chest. He looked at me with a grave, regretful expression, his older features weathered._

_That's when I knew. I don't know how I knew. But I knew._

_"L... I'm so sorry... I'm so... it's A."_

_I stared at him._

_No._

_He wasn't saying what I thought he was-_

_"Where is he?" I whispered._

_"He died this morning, 9:00 England time. He, um, he hanged himself and B- B found him."_

_Lie. It was all a lie. First Kira, now A? I saw him! I saw A the day that I left for Japan! He- he saw me off at the airport. Watari cleared his throat._

_"B has been asking to see you. I'll arrange a flight-"_

_" **No!** "_

_He froze, watching me with wide eyes. I shivered._

_"I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want to see him!"_

_"But L-"_

_I covered my face, wishing I could just disappear._

_"Please don't make me see him. W-we're going to miss our flight to Germany. The serial killer-"_

_Watari's eyes widened, fear shining in his eyes._

_"L? You solved that case three months ago..."_

_Turning on my side, I found it was the strangest sensation._

_I didn't care._

_There was no emotion. No sweeping pain or destroying grief. All I could think about was how I needed to get to my next case. I curled in on myself in such a tight ball that my knees touched my chin, staring at the pillow next to me. Was I shaking? Why was I shaking? Why was I here?_ **_I want to see A. Wait, he's de-_ ** _..._

_Watari came forward, softly touching my shoulder. Without meaning to, I flinched._

_"A betrayed me," I was still shaking... how do I stop?, "we said we'd always have each other... and he betrayed me! Just like everyone else. I can't trust anyone, can't trust, can't trust, can't- Watari, I'm scared."_

_Watari's voice cracked fearfully._

_"I know, Son... I already called the therapist, your first session is on Monday. You're not going on another case for a long time."_

_I curled up, his voice distant. From the hallway, I could hear another woman... one of the representatives from Interpol. She was in charge of making sure all my visas and travel liberties were taken care of. Seeing as she had to deal with documentation, she was the only Interpol who knew my face._

_"Watari, we don't have time for this. I know you care about him, but an atom bomb has been stolen from Russia. Our greatest minds haven't been able to find it, and if it's used, it could kickstart World War 3 and kill millions."_

_My eyes trained on the pillow's fuzz, my brain so... fractured... Watari's voice was gruff and disbelieving._

_"Look at him. You think he's in any shape to find an atom bomb?"_

_"I suggest Modafinil to make him more alert and boost his memory. We'll give it to him at the end of the flight so he can sleep for the 6 hours."_

_"Victoria!"_

_Her voice wavered._

_"I'm sorry. But we need him. He can grieve later, we're on a clock. L, can you walk by yourself?"_

_My throat wasn't working. All I could focus on was the pillow's fluff. She sighed heavily, snapping her fingers._

_The last thing I registered before falling asleep was a large agent gently picking me up in a cradle as if I weighed nothing, carrying me past Watari, his face red with rage as he yelled at Victoria._

L swallowed, pulling the blanket even closer. Outside, it'd turned into a full-blown storm pelting the windows and drowning out your thoughts. Sniffing, you wiped away a tear, pulling him into a hug. He quivered in your arms, his grip on his hot chocolate unsteady. Rocking the both of you, you kissed the top of his head, your eyes misting all over again.

"I'm so sorry, L."

He shivered hearing his real name, his breath coming out stilted. His voice was on the verge of cracking.

"It's not your fault."

"I know. But either way... I'm so sorry."

You tightened your grip, feeling his body heat and bony muscles. Your throat closed on you.

"If I could go back in time and save you... I'd do it in a heartbeat."

L's face was buried in your chest. He let out a soft sob, his fingers latching onto your sleeve. Your voice lowered.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry."

"A!" L wailed.

It was a haunting sound that left you gaping, unsettling you to your core. His knuckles turned white with the force he was holding your arm, his face still hidden out of view. L's entire body heaved, cries coming out in squeaks.

"Oh, God A," he choked. 

Shifting the two of you so you were both laying on the bed, you gently stroked his hair, feeling tears staining your shirt. 

It seemed to go on forever until L went silent. You craned your neck to see him sleeping, his features set pristinely yet his cheeks tear-stained. His teeth were still chattering a bit, so you rubbed the blanket, hoping to warm him up. It seemed to work and he curled into you, his breathing heavy. You weren't sure how long passed, it felt like hours, but you found yourself asleep too, your arms wrapped around him.


	12. Stay With You

You yawned, your eyelid cracking to see L next to you on his back, staring at the ceiling, tired lines on his face. He must've woken up at some point and hadn't fallen back asleep. His eyes were cryptic, the gears working in his head practically visible. For just a second, you watched him, took in the deep pensive look as he bit his lip. He was so still he could be a statue. You reached out, but he flinched, looking at you with guilty eyes. L shifted to his side facing you, his mouth a few inches from yours. 

"I'm sorry about last night," he whispered, "I don't know what came over me." 

Your chest squeezed. 

"It's okay," you murmured, combing your fingers through his hair, "you don't have to apologize, L."

He faltered, searching your face before his lips curved slightly. L hesitated, as if not sure whether or not to ask the next question.

"C-can you say my name again?"

You blinked, tilting your head.

"L?"

An unidentifiable expression passed over his features, his lip quivering. There was a spark in his eye. You smiled softly, tenderly holding his hand.

"L... L. L. L. L."

You chuckled. Saying it so many times made it sound weird to your ears. He laughed sadly, squeezing your fingers.

"That... that feels good..."

He drew soft patterns along your abdomen, his lips quirked. L's entire face was tired and a bit sad, but there was also a new calmness over his features.

"I'm happy you know," he sighed. His eyes went wet and reflective, "I'm- I'm really happy you know..."

You touched his hair, your heart swelling. Hesitating, you mindlessly stroked his locks. He closed his eyes, leaning into your touch. L shuddered, holding onto the back of your hand. His fingers were cool, but you could feel them trembling.

"Oh, you know, I completely forgot that I don't have work today either. Oops. You want some coffee?"

L slid the pads of his digits along your fingers, his gaze consuming.

"There's a 96% chance you do have work but you're worried about me."

"Pfft, what? No! I'm just-"

"Y/n." His voice was soft. He smiled tightly, "I've been living with this for 8 years... I'm okay. Don't feel obligated to help me."

Your throat bobbed, your brow furrowing. 

"You think I'm offering to stay because I feel obligated?"

L tilted his head curiously, indicating that, yes, that's why he thought you wanted to stay. Holding his face in your hands, you dragged your fingertips along his temple, making him shiver in response.

"I'm not offering to stay because I feel obligated," you clarified, "I _want_ to. Someone I lo- care deeply about is in pain and I want to be there for them."

He gaped, swaying unsteadily. L stared at the pillow, his eyes darting. He wrung his fingers, fear flashing over his face.

"Please," he rasped, "I'm fine."

You swallowed, your fingers twitching.

"A-are you sure?"

He nodded, giving a reassuring smile, but his eyes were red, "I have to go back to the investigation room anyway."

You chewed your lip, something in your chest deflating. Pulling him into a hug, you heard his teeth quietly chattering. 

"Okay," you said gently, standing, "you want to meet somewhere after I get off?"

"Dinner and a movie before orchestra practice?"

Your lips twitched as you nodded, sifting through the closet for a blouse. You were so lost in thought that you didn't notice him behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. Heat rose up your cheeks feeling those long fingers resting on your abdomen, his thumb rubbing mindlessly up and down. It sent waves of heat up your spine.

"Careful," you purred, "keep that up and I might take the day off just to have sex."

The tension in the room eased. L chuckled, placing his chin in the crook of your neck, large grey eyes sparked mischievously.

"Mm, we wouldn't that, would we? Orchestra practice is tonight and it'd be a shame if you went in-" his tongue darted along the shell of your ear, "all hot and bothered."

A giggle escaped before you could stop it. Leaning back into him, you sighed longingly, his hand sliding slower. 

"I can't wait to hear you scream my real name," he growled, giving your earlobe a quick nip. 

The sting felt good, sending warm shoots to your core. You moaned, gripping his hair and pushing his face somehow closer to your neck. L obliged, tongue languidly licking up your skin. Twisting to face him, you pulled him into a deep kiss, your tongues writhing and battling, his teeth grazing against your lip.

You yelped as he tugged you back towards the bed, a large smile crossing your lips. 

"See?" He chuckled, sucking on the dip of your collarbone. You whined, your hips gyrating on their own, "I'm fine."

Craning your neck, you pursed your lips, indicating you didn't believe that for a goddamn second. He fluttered his eyes innocently, touching your chin. Rolling your eyes dramatically, you pressed against him.

"If you start having a panic attack, give me a call?"

"That was a fluke! The last one I had was 3 years ago."

You nuzzled his face, feeling the sharp angles of his features.

"Even so... call me anyway," you smirked, "I like hearing from you."

"I will," he murmured, his lips gliding down your front. 

Before he could reach your nipple and make you lose all focus, you coyly pulled away to his groan.

"I'll see you later," you quickly pecked his sharp nose.

* * *

"Any leads?"

Watari didn't look up, continuing to type on the laptop.

"Not a single one. We've checked all the regulars of the Mauvais that the bartenders remembered, but we haven't found any evidence."

I nodded, already stirring the sugar in my coffee. Guilt pecked at my brain. I had to tell Y/n the details about this case, that she could be in danger... at least so far, the signs were pointing to that. Maybe we could set her up in a witness protection house? Safe and far away. My eyes traveled to Watari, knowing he'd voice his concerns about my objectivity again. It was definitely being clouded. Why did a part of me not care? At some point, I'd have to tell him that Y/n knew... pretty much everything... I'm not sure if I'd ever been this much of an open book to someone. Not even to my brothers.

But then, that still meant I had to _tell_ Watari. _Damn_. My feet tapped stressfully, my fingers responding by continuing to drop sugar cube after sugar cube until the coffee was a congealed, poisonous-looking, mushy mess.

My words came out in a tumbled rush, trying to be done with it as quick as possible.

"Watari. Y/n knows my identity. That's all."

That should go over well, right?

He froze. Watari looked at me out of the corner of his eye, face painted in confusion.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said that Y/n knows my identity. I trust her."

His mouth fell open, steely blue eyes wide and terrified.

"'I trust her'," he repeated breathlessly, in indignation, "she knows your name?"

"Yes."

Watari stood up so quickly that I almost dropped my coffee. His nostrils were flaring in fear.

"What are the circumstances? Do I need to take her out?"

An unheroic squeak left my chest.

"God no! I-I was actually thinking we should bring her to a safe-house! Or at the very least tell her about the case."

His eyes flashed in pure panic. My breath caught, my fingers tightening around my cup. The two of us went quiet, Watari's gaze as unwavering as mine, the only sound being the hum of the refrigerator. 

We glared at each other, the air thick and tense with electricity. Watari straightened, his posture steeling.

"We're done with this case."

I blanched, my heart echoing in my ears.

"... What?"

"I said we're done with this case."

My lungs squeezed. Hopping to my feet, I shook my head.

"But-"

Watari was already moving to the equipment, shoving it into a bag. My knees buckled, the world spinning.

"I need to solve the case though!" I implored, trying to stop him, "You don't want this to be a black stain on my detective record, do you?"

Watari silently continued packing our things. I shook my head, trying to tug back a pair of headphones, but he simply ripped them away from my grasp, tossing them into a bag. My chest tightened. 

"We'll say you lost interest. It'll be a blow, but you'll still be seen as the greatest in the world."

My breath felt strange, but I cleared my throat, trying to make it even.

"Watari!"

He stalked past me, opening the safe and thumbing through our passports. Hyperventilation threatened to take over, everything speeding a million miles a minute.

"Please, let's discuss this-"

"I'll call Roger. He'll arrange the next flight out."

The next flight out?! I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to Y/n?! Blood roared in my ears, my brain tearing at itself. Why was he doing this to me? I didn't want to leave!

"I don't want to leave her!" I yelled before I could stop myself. My voice came out softer, pleading, "please, Watari. I don't want to leave her... if I leave and someone else takes over... the probability that she dies rises by 30%."

His back was to me. I stared at it, taking in his broad shoulders and perfect posture. He inhaled deeply, turning on his heel. His eyes were hard, but I stiffened, sensing a deeper pain and panic. Watari was not a man to be described as 'weathered' or 'worn down', but he looked exhausted.

"Kira was a child who was still perfecting her information-gathering techniques."

I flinched, my eyes going down, examining the shine of his shoes while he talked.

"Our intelligence reported that she joined Ross' gang at 13 and before that, she was on the streets; there's a good possibility that you were her first covert operation. She got excited and made mistakes when you revealed your identity, making amateurish moves that allowed me to save you. Y/n is an adult. If she has even a similar background but with more experience and finesse," Watari's voice lowered, "I can't guarantee I'll be able to save you again. L, I have done everything in my power to protect you, down to killing a literal child-" he leaned against the table, sighing with a shudder, "don't fight me on this or make it difficult. We're leaving Paris immediately."

My throat felt dry, everything numb. I stood there, not sure what to do or say and I found I couldn't refute. He had. He'd done things that would destroy so many people, all to help me... 

"Okay," I whispered, shuffling for my things.

I stared at my white shirts, my head aching. My entire body was aching... looking at him, I tugged on the fabric nervously, my voice wavering.

"Quillish." He froze and glanced in my direction, not bothering to hide his surprise at hearing his name. I inhaled deeply.

"Quillish. If you want me to, I'll leave with you. Not another word. But you need to know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she died and I could've prevented it... I think- I think that'd be the last straw. I'd break."

It was an honest statement that hung heavily between us. He swallowed, running a hand up his face. Slowly, I carefully arranged the shirt in my suitcase, my fingers unsteady. Watari exhaled shakily.

"Fine. You can stay here and solve the case... protect her..."

My head snapped in his direction, my eyes wide. Instantly, my brain started mulling over the best ways to tell her. It wasn't as easy as 'hey, by the way, someone'll probably attack you, but maybe not, it's just a theory'. Watari massaged his temple.

"Be careful, okay? Wear your locator belt so if you ever get in trouble, I'll know in a second's notice."

I tried not to smile. Technically speaking, this wasn't anything to smile over. But... I could stay, see her, maybe even try to smooth over my relationship with B. 

"L, the second this case is over, we're leaving."

"... I understand."


	13. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty damn explosive. This chapter went through *inhales deeply* so many rewrites, this was new territory for me XD. Hopefully it came out well :)

You blinked, beaming.

"Hey! Light!"

You were on the bus going for practice. Light faltered, giving a lopsided grin as he took the seat next to you, pushing chestnut hair away from his face.

"Hey, anything new?" he beamed.

 _Ha, yeah, a whole bunch of new stuff_.

"Nope," you chirped.

He bobbed his head in acknowledgement, already pulling out a thick book. You smirked. He was always into those classical crime mystery novels, bringing them wherever he went, even when it was impractical. Light adored talking about them, going ad nauseam until circumstances forced him to stop talking. But... you didn't mind. It was nice listening to someone talk about what they were passionate over.

"What's that one about?"

"Hm?"

His amber eyes lit up, holding up the book excitedly.

"A Study in Scarlet! It's super interesting with this killer who likes toying with his victims-"

You nodded, listening in interest. Light was actually early going to his job, so he escorted you to the music hall, still going on about the novel. 

Mikami rolled his eyes when you entered the music hall, crossing his arms with a pout.

"Are you ever on time?"

"Time's a relative thing, you see. The rate of change of time is not same for every frame of reference. Two people sitting in two other frames of reference can measure different rate of time, i.e. one's clocks can tick faster than others or vice-versa."

Mikami pursed his lips. You quickly stuffed your phone with the google page into your pocket, smiling innocently. His eyes narrowed and you shrugged, fluttering your eyelashes. He looked like he was about to say something else when he glanced behind you and faltered. You followed his gaze to Light, who was leaning against one of the seats while reading. Mikami cleared his throat, face going a bright red.

"Whatever. If you keep this up, I'll have to recommend that you be fired..."

Yikes. Smiling apologetically, you started moving past him but he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

"I-if you don't mind me asking... who is that?"

"Hm? Oh... my friend..."

 _Please don't take an interest in him, please don't take an interest in him, please don't_ \- Light wandered over, flashing you a brilliant smile.

"I'm heading out. See you later?"

You nodded quickly, but Mikami shifted his feet, trying to start a conversation. Light rose an unimpressed brow, his face stony but polite. _That's going to end badly_. Backing slowly for your seat, you paused, seeing Rue-or B- struggling to lug his cello. Crossing over to his side, he shot you a dirty look.

"What do you want?" He snarled.

"Muzzle your dog, I was trying to help."

He hesitated, his face softening. Turning back to his instrument, he shook his head.

"Sorry... I've been acting like an ass lately, I just... I just need some more time."

You swallowed, moving for your seat. In truth, you missed him. You'd known B for so long that suddenly not having him in your life felt weird. Light was great company, and you'd been spending more and more time with him since your falling out with B... but it still didn't feel completely real... You risked a glance up the aisle and blinked in shock. 

Light actually seemed receptive to Mikami's advances. Mikami was an obvious bundle of nerves and awkwardness, but Light simply looked back with a cool expression, lips quirked in interest. Mikami shakily held out a slip of paper and Light took it, tilting his head and casually waving before sauntering for the exit, each movement exuding confidence and its own air of smugness. _Well damn_... A groan worked up your chest. Seriously? What did Light see in _him_? Mikami, Mr. _You-must-be-punctual-or-I'll-delete-you-from-the-roster_? You wanted to bang your head against a door or something. N _ow I have to play the supportive friend. Shiiiiiiit_.

By the time practice was over, you were exhausted. Stretching your arms and shaking out your legs, you stared putting the violin away when you felt a familiar presence over your shoulder. Glancing out of the corner of your eye, you grinned.

"Hey, Ryuzaki."

L's lips twitched in greeting. His eyes darted around the stage, following B as he left the auditorium, not bothering to look back at the two of you.

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk?" L offered, squatting and helping you pack your things.

Sighing, you nodded, following him out of the building.

"How're you feeling by the way?" You piped up.

He shifted, his eyes soft.

"Much better... thank you..."

The cool night air kissed your skin. You closed your eyes to feel it, looking up at the moon hanging bright and large in the sky. 

You were acutely aware that L's eyes were trained on you, thumb hanging from his lips. Turning, you met his eyes curiously. L bit his thumb so hard that he winced, a small drop of blood oozing out. Your brow rose, but you didn't say anything as he stuffed it in his pocket, his head tilted down and his gaze distant. Leaning over a small and shallow bridge, you looked at the ripples from the stream below. It was peaceful here, the quiet like a blanket. There wasn't anyone else in the park, giving the entire location an almost unearthly vibe. L carefully stood next to you, looking down so his bangs swept forward. Your hand reached out, feeling soft locks fall between your fingers. He shuddered, and when he looked up at you, his eyes were reflective.

"Why did you comfort me? I've been trying to think of the reason, but I can't find one."

You blinked, huffing. What was it with everyone and thinking you had an ulterior motive? Your mind wandered back to your sister, your heart squeezing. She wouldn't have questioned why you were there for her. She recognized that you took care of her because you genuinely loved her. Your fingers squeezed, trying to push away the memory. There'd be time for that later.

"Maybe I just care about you," you rasped, "why can't people ever do anything good just because?"

Your brain wandered to your parents, a bitterness spreading over your tongue. Oh, they did a lot of 'good' alright. But it always came with a price. Another agenda. 

All those expensive clothes? They had to choose the outfit of the day. And you couldn't complain because hey, they bought you the clothes, didn't they? Controlling your phone, messages and contacts because they were so _nice_ to get it for you in the first place. No door on your bedroom hinges, 'no need' because the house belonged to them and they were _gracious_ enough to give you a place to live. You were lost in thought, your brain punishing you by bringing up hundreds of smaller memories, bits and moments in time that were so insignificant but you couldn't help thinking about.

If it hadn't been for your sister and what happened between them and her, you could've still been living under their roof. 

"I care about you," you repeated quietly.

L's throat bobbed. You risked a look and your breath caught. There was a hollowness in his eyes, a kind of... dark... acceptance.

When he spoke, your chest froze, the hairs on your body standing.

"You're in danger."

That snapped you out of your thoughts so fast that you couldn't form words.

"... What?"

"My case. The Ribbon Raven Murders. We have reason to believe you're a possible target."

Your mouth fell open, your entire body locking. What? He avoided your expression, hiding his own under his mop of hair. You-you thought you were completely separate from his case! That you wouldn't have to deal with any of that. But... you were in danger?! And he _knew_?!

"L?" Your voice was breathless.

There was an abundance of self-loathing on his face, a deep regret as he shrank.

"Do you wish to re-evaluate your statement that you care about me?"

You glared at him, not even able to form rational thought. 

"Y-you're kidding right?" you chuckled nervously. This was definitely a joke!

But he gazed back at you stony-faced, his eyes cryptic. Your knees buckled. Holy shit, he was being serious? You were... in danger?

"You never told me before... W-what the fuck?"

"Y/n-"

"What was all that bullshit about you being glad I knew something about you?! Oh my God... _what the fuck_!?"

"I'm sorry, Y/n."

Were you hyperventilating? Your chest was tight, your heart _racing_. Your vision swam, an acrid taste rising up your throat. All those news reports, the mutilated bodies, looks of horror and pain on their dead faces. Stabbings, choking, poisons, blunt traumas- you covered your mouth to keep from throwing up.

"Why?" You gasped, hating the desperation in your voice, "why me? Why would someone want to kill me?"

He drummed his fingers, shaking his head.

"We don't know why, but we think it has to do with the Mauvais."

The Mauvais? You played once there and the pay was terrible! It was just a bad night that you'd put behind you and had moved on with your life. Your hands were shaking and you tried rubbing them along your pant legs, anything to get out the nerves. But it was useless, everything was spinning. Your breath caught.

"How long have you known?"

His eyes snapped in your direction. L tried moving to you but you moved away.

"W-why... why... why did you sleep with me?"

You sucked in a sharp breath. He stopped, his eyes wide. Chewing your lip, you took a step back.

"Did... did any of it actually mean anything? Or was it some detective trick?!"

"Of course not!"

" _Then why wouldn't you tell me?_ " Tears were forming in the corners of your eyes, your voice unsteady, "Did you feel bad for me or something? Is _that_ why you slept with me?"

He looked like he'd been slapped. A small piece of your brain was trying to tell you to reel it back, tell you that you were scared, but you were full-out, anger and hurt clouding your vision. You massaged your forehead, feeling light-headed.

"Why didn't you tell me? And why are you telling me _now?_ "

At first, he didn't respond, terror in his gaze. You clamped your jaw.

"Tell me."

"... I was using you for bait."

You stared at him. The air went deathly silent, thick and charged. 

"For bait?"

Your voice sounded so small and foreign to you.

"I-in the beginning! But I want to protect you-! Pl-"

" **In the beginning of what**?" You snarled, your voice cold. L shrank, his throat bobbing as you growled, "that shit you were saying in the elevator about me living out my dreams before I died... from the very beginning, you lied to my face! You _never_ cared about me!"

L's nostrils flared, shaking his head pleadingly.

"I do!" He cried out, "keeping potential targets in their locations is how I've always operated! You scare me because you make me want to change how I work! What did you expect me to _do_? Throw out years and years of methods on someone I barely _knew_? I _still_ barely know you!"

Hot tears sprung to your eyes. Your stomach heaved, your voice wavering.

"Is that really how you operate? Putting people in danger?"

"Y/n, please! I'm sorry, it's what I've always don-"

" ** _Fuck you! What if I died and you weren't there?! You played with my life! You're still playing with it!"_**

A terrified laugh escaped. L's grip on the railing was so harsh that his knuckles had turned white.

"I won't let anybody hurt you," His voice cracked, his eyes darting over your face.

"You can't guarantee that."

"I've never failed before-" 

_"_ Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me... goddamn egotistical- ** _I hate you!_** "

The both of you froze, breathing heavily. L blinked, his eyes misted and looking punched. He stumbled back, clearing his throat. You were trembling, the anger deflating. L's voice lowered, hunching his shoulders protectively.

"I, um, I arranged for a safe house, I'm not sure if, um-"

Breathing out, you held onto your stomach. _Calm down. Please, just calm down_.

"Yeah, I'm taking the safe house. You have a perfect record, right?... you better catch the bastard."

L swayed on his feet, screwing his eyes shut.

"Y/n-"

"I'll go pack my stuff. Pick me up in the morning?"

"... Yeah."

Your knees buckled, but you somehow managed to get to your apartment. 

The second your door closed, you sank to the floor, the fear shooting through your system. Someone wanted you dead? Imagining yourself as one of those torn-apart corpses on the news made you quiver, hugging your legs. Burying your face into your knees, you shuddered.

You weren't sure if you were crying from fear or the prospect that what you had with L was broken.


	14. Shadows

Like Hell if you could sleep. You just sat cross-legged on your bed under your blanket, shivering and eyes darting to every shadow. The thought of being confined in a safe house, not being able to _do_ anything, just at everyone else's mercy... they'd probably take away your phone and completely cut you off from the outside world. You shuddered, the prospect way too much like your parents' home for comfort. Taking out your phone, you started texting.

_You: Hey Bun, it's been a while, how you doing?_

_Daedra: Sis_ 😃 _???!!! I'm doing pretty good, u?_

_You chuckled, clutching the blanket tighter around your shoulders. It was safe here. The blanket had transported you into your own universe, reminding you of a time when it was just you and her against the world. Sighing, your fingers went._

_You: U still living in Ireland?_

_Daedra: Nah, I moved from there to Germany and then to Spain. It's nice :)._

A laugh escaped your throat. She was so used to bouncing around that now it seemed she couldn't stay in one place for long. 

_You: Niiice. Pics?_

Daedra sent you a million pictures of white sandy beaches and crystal water. Her girlfriend was almost in every one, her hair tied back and dark brown eyes sparkling. Resting your chin on your knee, you picked at your skin.

_You: It looks beautiful... Bun, I think I'm in trouble. U know I wouldn't text if it wasn't serious._

_Daedra: Of course :/. What's going on?_

_You: Just checked. There's a train leaving Paris for Spain in an hour or two. Is there any chance I can stay with you until something gets resolved up here?_

_Daedra: Yeah! I'll set up the sofa. What're you waiting for to get resolved?_

_You: I'll tell you when I get there. Thank you so much <3\. I love you, Bun._

_Daedra: I love you too... be careful, please?_

Throwing your phone back in your pocket, you exhaled. Okay... you had a plan. Stay with your sister until L caught the killer. You'd see it on the news and then you could come back and hopefully never interact with him again. That thought did sting, but you quickly pushed it away. You had to move if you wanted to make the train. 

Digging in your closet, you brought out your old backpack. The same one you'd used when you and Daedra had run away from home. It was like an extension of you, you knew just how much weight it could carry and how much stress the straps could take. Stuffing essential survival items expertly into each compartment, you threw on a dark sweater and drew the hoodie. Slinging your bag around your shoulders, you jogged out of your apartment, already planning the route in your head.

You were good about avoiding the people who needed to be avoided. Sticking in the shadows and staying innocuous. It was ridiculously easy getting past the stakeout you guessed L had stationed and speed-walking towards the station. It wasn't like you weren't used to being alone at night. Memories flooded back of moving from job to job, sending Daedra the routes you were taking and making sure she stayed up on her studying. 

As you walked, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, sensing someone behind. Fuck.

You strained your vision out of the corner of your eye, your heart racing. There was someone on the same side of the street as you, about a hundred feet away. Too far and dark to see the face, but you could tell it was a man's build. You chewed on the inside of your cheek.

_1\. You might be paranoid, but don't let that stop you._

_2\. It could be the killer..._

_3\. Some random creep. Just as dangerous._

Your fingers smoothed over your phone and small knife in your pocket, heart racing. _Calmly, calmly_. Turning down a street that took you to a more populated area, you picked up your pace, hearing his footsteps come quicker too.

 _Oooooookkkkaaaaay. Nope! Nope, nope, nope, nope_. Taking another two streets, you confirmed that he was, in fact, following you. Your stomach turned violently, thoughts going at a million miles a second. It was hard keeping the tremble out of your limbs, ignoring the mind-numbing fear. Pulling out your phone, you called for the police in a hushed tone.

"Has he made any threatening gestures or actions towards you."

"Besides stalking me?"

"Can you at least give us a description?"

You couldn't... the man's hoodie covered most of his head and the part that wasn't had a dark mask. His build was average, nothing incredible or distinctly unique. You growled when they said they couldn't help but would send a patrol over, and you turned down another street, counting how much longer until you could get to the really populated area. Dialing L, your hated how your voice wavered.

"Y/n?"

You hissed in a low voice.

"I see a grocery store coming up in a few feet. 31 Couture Ave. Pick. Me. Up."

A part of you expected him to argue or ask questions, to waste time. But to your shock, he simply said, "I'm on my way."

Even through your anger at him, you felt a flash of gratitude. Swallowing, you angled for the grocery store. The guy must've realized where you were going for...

Running.

Panic gripped you as you charged for the store, hearing his feet pounding on the pavement. It was across the street. The closer and closer he got, the worse your vision blurred, horror making your entire body buzz. A shriek tore through your throat when a strong hand gripped your hoodie. You almost fell with the force that he pulled you at, his other hand reeling back, clutching something. Not giving yourself the time to see what it was, you managed to turn, bringing your knee up. He gasped, doubling over. You yelped loudly when he still clutched your hoodie, trying to bring you down with him. Grasping your zipper, you practically ripped it off, dropping your backpack too as a result.

Without the extra weight and the sudden kick of adrenaline, you sprinted the rest of the way, breathing too heavily to properly scream. Throwing yourself into the grocery store and in-sight of the cashier, you whipped around, baring your teeth. The guy had scampered to the other side of the street, hidden in the shadows. But you could tell from the way that he was pacing that he was pissed. He was tightly clutching both your sweater and bag, rummaging around through it. Thankfully, your ids, phone and anything monumentally important was in your pockets, leaving him tossing your things to the sidewalk in frustration.

Maybe because you were shaken and didn't know what else to do, you flipped him off. You couldn't see his eyes, but it felt like his gaze was boring into you. He backed up out of your view and the light coming from the shop, sending your entire body tingling.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Not French, no?" The cashier asked in surprise.

Blinking, you forced a smile, shaking your head.

"No. I think there's a guy following me."

'Think' was a bit of a soft term. The cashier shifted uncomfortably, obviously not wanting to be involved. You sighed, waving a hand.

"It's okay. A friend's picking me up."

He sighed in relief, nodding and motioning to the store.

"Good, I'll stay open for as long as you need."

Moving among the shelves, you tried to steady your heart. Your vision was swimming, your chest tight. Shit... now came the heavy question. Random dangerous person of the night... or crazed serial killer specifically out for you? Neither option was very appealing... Either way, you weren't planning on sticking around to find out. Sinking to the floor, you didn't even realize you'd been crying until you wiped at your face and felt wetness. Exhaling, you hung your head with a whimper.

You were only waiting for a few minutes when L's long limo stopped outside. Your legs were shaking, making it almost impossible to walk. Somehow you managed, hobbling out to the car and looking down both ways. There weren't really any street lamps in this section, making each corner of darkness its own little threat, eyes watching you and the limo, assessing. You had to assume he was still out there...

L opened the door, gaping. 

L's perspective

Whoa. She looked terrified. Her hair was tussled and she was shivering, her cheeks tear-stained. Y/n wrapped her arms around herself, glancing furtively around the shadows. Silently, she slipped into the limo, practically slamming the door behind her. My mouth felt dry, my throat closed. I wanted to reach out, but... she hated me... protectiveness shot up my spine and the thought crossed my mind before I could stop it. _I'll find the fucker who tried to hurt you_. But then again... why was she even out? What reason would she have to leave her apartment if she knew she was going to a safe-house in a few hours? My eyes widened. _She was leaving the country_. Looking her over and the different forms of ids tucked in her pocket, I felt like my guess was correct. I understood... I understood the need to run away, to feel like one needed some semblance of control in such a bad situation. 

Carefully keeping my expression neutral, I picked at my knee, the air tense and thick. Was she more angry or scared right now? Would she even want me to get involved? Why was this all so complicated?

"A-are you alright?"

The second it left my mouth, I knew it was the wrong question to ask. But it's not like one can reverse time...

You turned your glare on him, about to snap that 'no, you were not _alright_ ', but he shrank back with large eyes. They were desperate, obviously wanting to help but not sure how to. The intense emotions deflated, leaving you shriveled up and tired.

"No," you whispered, rubbing your arms for warmth, "I, um... I don't want to go back home."

A part of you still felt like the man was in the shadows, following and watching. You knew going back home would leave you a nervous wreck. L stared at you, thumb hanging off his lips. He turned, rummaging under the seats and coming up with a blanket. All you could do was stare as he hesitantly scooted closer.

"Okay," he murmured, "you don't have to go back... blanket?"

You numbly nodded, shuddering when he slowly and gently adjusted it around your shoulders, the fake fur brushing your skin and warming you up. L's actions were so tender that you didn't know how to react at first, leaning into his touch. His fingers lingered on your shoulders before pulling away, scanning your face analytically. You hunched your shoulders, tears welling up behind your eyes. Twisting your fingers in the fabric of the blanket, you felt yourself rattling. 

"... I'm here if you want to talk about it..."

You shook your head stubbornly, breath coming out in high squeaks.

"I-I just wanted to see my sister," you croaked.

L shifted closer, his eyes reflective and pooled.

"By now, we wouldn't be able to make any of the trains going outside of the country..."

"I know," your voice came out strained.

He exhaled, swallowing thickly.

"Can I hug you? And then you can go back to hating me after?"

Sniffing, you nodded, needing to just feel a hug.

He enveloped you, stroking his long fingers through your hair. You squeezed your eyes shut, inhaling the scent of coffee and cake... you didn't even realize you were still shaking until he firmly touched your arm.

"It's okay," he murmured softly, "you're safe, you're safe... you don't want to go to your apartment... is it okay if I take you to the hotel I've been staying at?"

"Yeah," you choked, burying your face into his chest.

The limo lurched forwards, L's arms tightening. He placed his chin on top of your head, rubbing soothing circles with his fingers.

"You're safe," he whispered again.

You curled into him, at some point falling asleep, the world slowly melting away.


	15. Not Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: past childhood abuse.

You shifted nervously, the large-scale hotel intimidating. There were about three levels of security, the lobby filled with crystals and gold that made it look as if royalty stayed in the place. Your eyes flashed in L's direction.

"You're kidding... you've been staying _here_?"

He blinked, tilting his head curiously as if this was an every-day thing for him. Although... you supposed it was... damn. 

As the two of you got on the elevator, he looked at you from the corner of his eye, his face cryptical and infuriatingly neutral. 

"Before we get to the room, you should my adoptive father is a very... well..."

Your brow arched and his jaw clamped, his face tilting.

"He can be a bit-... passive-aggressive? No, that's not the right term..."

Oh. 

"Stiff? Good with an evil eye?" You offered.

L winced, scratching the back of his neck.

"That's an accurate assessment."

An elderly man greeted the two of you at the elevator, his white hair slicked back. Both of you held your breath, L shrinking as if expecting some outburst. He tilted his head, steely blue eyes glinting.

"Ms. L/n, I presume?"

"... Yes?"

There was a tense moment where the two of you simply looked at each other, his face the most cryptic and unrevealing you'd ever seen in your life. He smiled brightly.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, I've heard so much... tea?"

You blinked, glancing at L. He was staring at Watari, chewing on his lip. Giving a weak smile, you rolled your shoulders.

"U-um, sure... t-thank you."

"Of course. L, don't be rude. Come help me tidy up the room, I didn't get much of a chance," he chuckled cordially. 

L swallowed, nodding meekly. Watari dipped his head, walking briskly for the room. You looked at L.

"That went pretty well," you offered.

He swayed on his feet.

"Whoa... I've never seen him more pissed in my life."

You faltered.

"W-wha-?"

" _Shit_. He was practically fuming!"

L shifted on his feet, looking genuinely nervous. He bit at a fingernail, eyes darting in thought. You stared at him, something tugging at your heartstrings. Throwing his head back, he sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"I'll go try to smooth things over," he grumbled, moving for the hotel. 

You stood dejectedly in the hallway, your fingers prickling. Curiosity got the better of you and you crept forward. The closer you got to the room, the louder the voices were through the ornate door. You paused right next to it, your heart pounding.

"The Hell were you thinking, you irresponsible-"

"Jesus Christ, she was just attacked!"

"And I sympathize with her, I truly do-"

"Oh bullshit!"

"Language!" Watari snarled, "I sympathize with her but the hotel, L?! This is your main line of defense and security! You just compromised both you, me, and everyone in this building who works for you!"

"I didn't ask them to work for me!" L cried out. His voice cracked, "fuck! Why can't I just protect someone I want to?"

"Because you're too important!"

You gaped. Was this argument really about you or something else? Something deeper? Your mouth felt dry, feeling you shouldn't be listening, but unable to move. 

"I am not!"

Watari's voice came back softer.

"L, there's never been anyone like you. I know you're in denial but you have to face the truth. You're... something rare and valuable... okay, yes. You're worth more than her. Stop acting careless with your safety. You promised to let me observe and record your development, to study you. Our deal."

"What do you want me to do, hm? Throw her on the streets? Watari, whether you like it or not, she's here."

There was an uncomfortable silence, the air ice. Something rare and valuable, something to be studied... your stomach twisted unpleasantly. This 'Watari'... he didn't see L as a person... Your eyes trained on the ground, everything around you suddenly feeling so foreign. Watari had just out loud without any qualms that you were worth less than L... taking a few steps back, your mind twisted. Watari sounded tired and defeated.

"Fine," he rasped, "invite her."

The door opened and L looked out. The second you eyes made contact, you knew that he realized you'd heard everything. He looked exhausted but he forced a smile.

"Come on in... you can have my bed. I'll take the sofa."

You wanted to protest, but you didn't know where else to go. Exhaling shakily, you stepped into the hotel, avoiding Watari's eyes, picking at your palm.

"T-thank you for having me," you mumbled.

Watari hesitated. He came forward in large strides, making you inadvertently flinch.

"You heard everything." It was a statement, not a single note of question. When you didn't answer, he huffed, "pick your chin up. Looking at the floor like that makes you appear weak."

Blinking, you straightened, tapping your foot nervously. Watari motioned to the suite. 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen and a common room. It was its own apartment with a birds-eye view of Paris. He sighed heavily.

"I'm in the room to the left. You'll be safe here... but let me tell you right now."

"Watari-" L warned.

"Ms. L/n. I have dedicated 16 years of my life to this cause- if I feel anyone under our employment, L or otherwise is in danger-"

 _This cause... not 'L'... he doesn't care about him!_ You glared at him, a fire igniting in your stomach. Hate was not a word you used lightly, but you couldn't help the flash of hate that went up your spine.

L must've sensed an impending argument because he softly touched your shoulder, his fingers warm. You subconsciously leaned into his touch. L gently led you to one of the bedrooms, throwing daggers with his eyes at Watari. With a final puff, Watari disappeared into his own room.

You nearly collapsed on L's bed, all the events from the night weighing down on you. He rummaged through the closet, looking for extra blankets for himself on the sofa. You observed him, a pang in your chest. 

"I'm sorry," he murmured, "you didn't deserve that."

"Why do you put up with that?" You whispered.

L stopped, tightly clutching a blanket. His voice was small.

"I owe him so much more than my life and it would tear me apart if I just left him."

You sat on the edge of the bed, looking at him expectantly. L sighed, crossing to your side. 

"My parents died when I was 6. A was 3 and B was 2. We were separated and lost each other in the foster system."

He fell back on the bed, holding onto his head. You slowly slid down next to him, listening intently. L grumbled to himself.

"For 2 years, I bounced around the system, saw... horrible... things... I reached Wammy's when I was 8. Pretty soon, I took a liking to puzzles and mental challenges and solved my first case at 11. Watari was so taken with my skills that he asked if I wanted to nurture this talent. To me, it was all really a hobby. Something fun to distract my brain. He and I came to a sort of agreement... I took on detective work full-time under his supervision, agreed to let him try out a successor program... and he pulled the strings he needed to to transfer A and B to Wammy's." L shuddered, "Y/n, their condition...

I ran out of the orphanage when I saw their limo pulling in but... they were so traumatized and changed. A was covered in lice and fleas, later was found to have several insect-born diseases. B- he was covered in several burns and scars.

That first night though..."

L smiled wistfully, his eyes distant.

_A and B stood dejectedly in the doorway. A smile crept up my lips as I motioned for them to join me on the bed. I was leaning against the headrest when they scampered onto the mattress. B whimpered when my fingers accidentally brushed a burn mark._

_"I'm sorry, Bedbug," I whispered._

_B didn't say anything, but crawled into my arms, curling up against me. A did the same, resting his ear over my heart._

_"The nice nurse gave me something for my head bugs," A murmured.  
_

_"That's great," I said gently, kissing the top of his stained blond hair._

_B craned his neck, looking up at me with stormy grey eyes. Eyes much too old and traumatized to belong to a 7 year old._

_"What'd you do?"_

_"W-what do you mean?"_

_"At my last home, Tyler said you don't get anything for free a-and that the only time when you matter to someone is when you have something they want. Is that true?"_

_"B-"_

_"What'd you do to make Wammy bring us here?"_

_My lips went up._

_"It's not that bad," I chuckled, "I like detective work! It makes me feel... I dunno, fulfilled? Wammy said I'll get to travel and even pick the specific cases I want!"_

_A looked at me, adoration and pride beaming through his eyes._

_"That's so cool... I want to be just like you!"_

_B stayed silent, staring at my chest._

_"You're going to be gone a lot?" He started shaking, "please don't leave."_

_"Aw, Bedbug! You know I'll never abandon either of you! I'm-" I paused, my eyes going wide, having the realization at the same time that I was saying it, "I'm the oldest... you two are my responsibility... I'd rather die than put either of you in harm's way. And I mean that." I squeezed them, suddenly overwhelmed by the sense of duty, "I'll give my life to protect you two. A. B. I love you. I love you both more than I could ever say."_

_They sniffed, burrowing into me._

_"I love you too, Ely," A mumbled._

_B's small body heaved, tears running down his cheeks,_

_"_ _I thought I was going to die," he cried out, sobbing, "I missed you two so much! I don't want to be separated again! I don't want to! I don-"_

_His crying brought on A's, until their faces were red and bawling._

_" **Guys!** You know I'd **never** let that happen! Come here, shh, it's okay. You're both safe. Shh, I'm right here."_

_It felt like forever until they fell asleep snoring and there was a gentle knock on the door. Watari poked his head in and I shifted, carefully arranging the two of them into the bedsheets and looking at their sleeping forms. B's face was horribly disfigured. It'd take years until he could look like himself again... I followed Watari out into the hallway and he grimaced._

_"How are they?"_

_"Different. I haven't seen B smile yet and A looks pale. His fever's coming back... I think I lost my brothers..."_

_"Hm. I'll tell the nurse to have another look at him..._ _I was thinking, maybe I could run some tests on your memory?"_

_"My... memory?"_

_"Yes. L, I'll be honest. I'm not sure if I've ever come across a mind such as yours. You're only eleven and you're 8 points shy of beating the highest iq ever recorded. I want to study what makes your brain work. And... with your permission, of course, I'd like to enroll your brothers in that successor program I told you about."_

_Heh. A scientist. Honing in on genii and their creation. I stared at him._

_"Why them?"  
_

_"To see if genius is nurtured or hereditary and compare their scores to their classmates'. See if they possibly have a natural disposition to analyzation and problem-solving."_

_**He wants to see if he can make another me. He's an inventor. This is just a complex reverse-engineering**. A part of me wondered if he even realized how much of an inventor he was. But... still... I had to accept that fact that without him, they'd still be in their foster homes, suffering, and pushed enough, they could've died. I swallowed, wiggling my toes in the open air. _

_Somehow, it felt like I was shackling myself. How long did Watari plan on studying me? How long would I feel obligated, no, indebted to him? But... I had no right to complain... A and B were worth more than my life individually. Together? I rolled my shoulders._

_"Whatever. As long as they stay here and don't slip back into the system... I'll do and follow whatever."_

_I looked up at him, already seeing a full future laid out in front of me. A detective. The greatest in the world. The perfect profession for him to observe my brain tested and challenged._

_It could be worse._

_"You said you wanted to test my memory?"_

* * *

A deep anger spread through your chest, but you tried keeping your face cool. L sighed.

"And in case you're wondering, yes, A and B showed a higher aptitude than their classmates. Nowhere near me and it was harder to create a perfect replica of me than Watari thought it'd be. A... A wanted it so badly. He wanted to be indistinguishable from me, to be 'just like me'. He pushed himself so hard that he self-destructed."

"L..." 

His eyes flickered over your face. L twisted the blanket's fabric, an obviously fake smile on his lips.

"Get some sleep, okay? If you need me, I'll be right outside. We'll talk about how to proceed in the morning."

The room was calm, a stark contrast to the heat of the argument and the mind-numbing terror from the attack. 

"L. Thank you again. When I needed you... you were there..."

You burrowed into your blankets, watching him sadly. A part of you wanted to reach out, but you quietly pulled the bedding tighter around your shoulders while L silently slipped out.


	16. Nightingale

_Reese screamed into her gag, crying and letting out muffled pleas._

_I held the recorder to her mouth, my lips curled and my pupils dilated with adrenaline._

_"Yes," I breathed excitedly, "just like that... maybe another pitch higher?"_

_I roughly pulled her air and her voice went up an octave. Perfect. Pressing the recorder against the gag, my fingers shook giddily. It didn't matter that I wasn't able to_ _get Y/n's cries, this sufficed._

_Of course my cell had to ruin it._

_White, hot anger flashed up my chest. Drawing away from Reese, I held up the phone to my ear, my voice coming out an annoyed snarl._

_"What?"_

_"Fuck, Mikami. Sorry. I guess you're busy composing."_

_I faltered, the anger instantly deflating. A sigh gathered in my chest. The best screams were when the fear was fresh. When there was no time for them to dwell on the situation. Spontaneous music created in the moment of blind panic. Something that was either captured or lost forever. But... this was more important. I left the recorder on the table in front of Reese and stepped out of the room, a part of me hoping I could still salvage something from the experience._

_"It's okay," I mumbled, "one way or another, my piece will be beautiful."  
_

_"Hm, I'm sure it will be... you sound tired."_

_"Some bitch kneed me in the gut. I had plans for her screams, but now..." he cursed under his breath, shaking his head, "I wanted her voice! Goddamnit! She got in a fucking limo and disappeared!" Tears threatened to stream down my cheeks._

_Who was I kidding? I tried to convince myself that using Reese was just as good and musically, she was. In fact, her voice was far more melodic and trained than Y/n's. But now that one of them had actually_ **gotten away** _, my chest constricted, her face the only thing I could picture. The one who got away, flying like a bird... an elusive nightingale. My nightingale. I needed her, and I couldn't fool myself into believing otherwise!_

_"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that... your piece deserves the best. Give me a description of the limo or anyone inside? I might be able to find her for you."_

_"You really don't have to go through the trouble-"_

_"No, it's fine! I owe you."_

_I hesitated, fiddling with my fingers._

_"Her name's Y/n L/n. I'm pretty sure the person who saved her is the same guy from the music hall, Hideki Ryuga."_

_"A guy from the music hall rides around in a limo?" A haughty scoff, "what does he **do**?"_

_"I dunno, the director just told us that he teaches a class there... although... now that I think about it... I don't think I've ever seen any of his students? I see him always moving the chairs back and forth, so I just assumed there were people."_

_"Hm... that sounds... pretty deceptive... physical description?"_

_I snorted, shaking my head._

_"Oh man, he's so weird. He's got this crazed black hair, grey eyes. Ha! Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I've only ever seen him in a white shirt and jeans. How weird is that?"_

_There was a tense silence from the other side. So profound that I actually checked to see if my phone was still on._

_"Hello? Kira?"_

_Her voice was breathless._

_"Wow... Paris, the city of love, hm?_

_She gave a dry laugh._

_"Kira... are you okay?"_

_"Hm? Oh... I-I'm okay... I think it's time I took a little trip to Paris."_

_My lips twitched, excitement going up my spine._

_"Awesome. Can't wait to see you."_

* * *

You'd been so exhausted and drained that you woke up a little past noon.

You blinked, groaning as you rolled over. The very brief thought that this wasn't your bed flitted across your mind before all the events of last night came rushing back. _Yikes_. Sighing, you stretched, your muscles creaking and popping with each movement. How long were you out?... 11 hours of sleep? More than you'd gotten in the past year. You giggled airily at the thought, hanging your head and trying to become more conscious. 

Slinking out of the room, you glanced around for Watari, relaxing when you didn't see him. The entire hotel room was mostly quiet. L was perched on the balls of his feet, fingers moving at light-speed along a laptop's keyboard, the clacking of the keys the only sound. They instantly stopped, his face tilting up.

"You're awake."

When you didn't say anything, he motioned to the coffee table. There was a full breakfast on a platter under by a clear cover. You blinked, heat rising up your neck as your eyes fell over pancakes, croissants, eggs, bacon, anything you could possibly want.

"Thank you," you grinned, your stomach rumbling.

While you shoveled food onto a plate, he bit at his thumb, eyes lost in thought.

"Before you skip off to another country-"

You winced but didn't reply.

"-I'd like to discuss the case with you."

Your brow rose, looking at him quizzically. He seemed to be very aware of himself, where his hands were, how close he was to you... trying to keep his distance and give you space. You had to pummel the little part of your brain that thought it was cute.

"Sure, why not?" You conceded.

L's face flashed gratefully, placing his chin against his knees. His eyes were burning a hole into the carpet, his gaze lost and distant. He hesitated, his brow stitching curiously. 

"Why the street?" He mumbled.

"Hm?"

L looked at you, shuffling his feet into the sofa's soft fabric.

"If you don't mind me asking... you were attacked on the street, yes?"

"Blunt, but yes."

He crossed over to the coffee table, a sharpie almost magically materializing in his fingers. You stared at him, leaning forward in interest of your own accord. Yes, you were still freaking mad at him, but like, it was also L, greatest detective in the world. And you'd always been interested in the detective's thought processes! He tapped his sharpie against his chin.

"Assuming that your attacker is the Ribbon Raven killer and not a random assailant... why would he attack you on the street?"

"Dark? All the crazies come out at night anyway?" You were stuck between sounding annoyed and still in the process of waking up. 

L wrinkled his nose, scribbling something on the smooth and _very_ expensive-looking wood. Your mouth fell open in horror, not even _wanting_ to imagine how much it'd cost to fix or even replace it. Although an indignant squeak escaped your throat. He continued on, unfazed. 

"There have been 12 victims, different murder methods and victim-types. But the things that have remained consistent is that they were killed in their homes and the killer left behind a feather. Each lock was untampered with, suggesting the killer knows each and every one of his victims. The killer came after you, but you weren't at home. Why would he break routine now?"

You rolled your shoulders.

"Maybe he doesn't actually know me and had to improvise?"

L let out a breath, swirling his thumb around his lips. You watched the digit, the smooth way it glided and quickly adverted your eyes, trying to ignore the flush of heat in your stomach.

"That would be the most logical conclusion," he hummed, "but then why wouldn't he try to get to know you? And the fact that he was so close to your apartment at the very least suggests he knows the general area where you live, so he knows you in some capacity."

"Fuck, L, you really know how to make someone feel better," but he had a point. Of course he did. 

L bobbed his head thoughtfully, chewing on the end of the marker. He sighed heavily, twirling it while mumbling the facts of the case under his breath. Leaning back on the sofa, you picked at your knee quietly, already itching to get back to your escape plan. At this point, you were practically dying to see Daedra, the need much more instinctual rather than optional. You were aware that he was watching you again. Popping a strawberry into his mouth, he shrugged.

"Where are you going?"

"Spain... my sister's living there..."

He didn't say anything at first, turning another strawberry over in his hand.

"You're a runaway. It's hard to tell when, but I'm guessing sometime in your teenage years?"

Your breath caught, alarms ringing in your head. Swallowing, your pulled your knees up, trying to make yourself as small as possible.

"H-how did you-..." What were you even asking? Of course the greatest detective in the world could deduce whether or not someone was a runaway. You looked at your breakfast, suddenly not hungry anymore. 

L's fingers raced across the keyboard, confirming something, until he leaned back.

"The next train to Spain doesn't leave for 4 hours."

"You're not going to try and stop me?"

The air was silent and tense. L's throat bobbed, something torn yet accepting exuding from his features. He smiled sadly.

"Of course not. I'll miss you but... I understand. I am curious about why you ran away... if you feel comfortable telling me, that is..."

"Not here," you whispered, feeling eyes all around you. 

The room was wiretapped. You could feel it. There were many things in this world that you needed, but Watari having your secrets was not one of them.

L picked up on your nervousness. He didn't ask any questions or push, instead opting to shut his laptop and tidy all of his smaller equipment, holding out a hand. You gazed at it warily, but allowed yourself to take it, feeling the warmth from his skin. A pleasant flutter went through your stomach and you couldn't stop the small smile fighting its way up your lips.

It was a gloomy, grey day, the clouds hanging heavily. They made the sky so dark that it felt closer to nighttime than to 2. As such, there was a wind picking up, ruffling both of your hairs. You risked looking at him, the way the wind twisted and curled his soft black locks, almost mesmerizing in the way they moved. Your mouth fell open in awe, your hand wanting to reach out and touch it like it had a mind of its own. 

Light drops were already spattering the pavement, meaning the park was empty, everything feeling serene and peaceful. You sighed, not even realizing that your fingers were still interlocked with his. The both of you stopped on a bridge a few feet over a lake below. The water shimmered, ripples from the rain distorting your reflection. A slight giggle escaped your chest.

"I have a bit of an... unhealthy... relationship with getting and giving help. I don't know, I always want to give it, but getting it-"

"I noticed," he murmured sheepishly, "it was smaller things. Not wanting help with chairs, being strong about the hotel, not wanting the safe house..."

"Yeah. I guess I'm scared that if I receive too much help... I don't know. I guess I'll become complacent? Like I was with my parents? And then I'll disappear into this good little girl who does what she's told."

His lips twitched, his hand tenderly touching your shoulder. You blinked, finding yourself leaning into the soft touch.

"But you're not that," he whispered.

"I was... it wasn't until Daedra was in danger that I snapped out of it."

You laughed weakly, your fingers tingling with the memories, your chest stirring uncomfortably.

"I guess you could say I kind of, maybe, technically the legal term is... kidnapped my sister?"


	17. A Doll and An Idol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of gay conversion

_You were 15 when you technically kidnapped your little sister._

_You were the perfect daughter on the outside, the true pride and joy of the family. Hell, your parents had even agreed to pay your tuition in full for being such an obedient kid. It didn't mean that you were happy about the situation, but you constantly rationalized that this was your family... and you should love them. So you tried to tolerate it all. The lack of privacy, the inability to make decisions all the way down to your mother buying clothing for you. You had a secret stash of shirts and jeans in your room, many little trinkets and forbidden items hidden where only you'd find them. But on a whole, you didn't go against what they said._

_Sneaking down the stairs late at night for some water, you paused, hearing hushed voices from your father's office. Creeping for the door, you pressed your ear against the wood, your eyes widening. Your mother's voice was choked up, your father sorrowful and regretful._

_"I don't know what we're going to do with Daedra," your mother whimpered quietly._

_You blinked. What was wrong with Daedra? You leaned closer, your father's voice a low mumble._

_"Besides Sunny's Camp for Good Girls, I don't see anything else we **can** do... it's okay, Honey... we'll get through this. We'll help Daedra through her illness. I already called the camp, they said they're good to take her on Saturday."_

_Your mother sniffled, letting out soft sobs. Backing stealthily towards your room, you grabbed your phone. Living under your parents hadn't really taught you to be perfect and obedient... it just taught you how to lie and cover your tracks better. Looking up Sunny's Camp, your face fell, your stomach turning violently._

_Gay Conversion._

_Clamping your jaw, you scrolled through their homepage, your palms sweating. The way they presented themselves was so sweet and caring, 'nurturing' and as if they wanted to actually 'help'. But you read between the lines, catching all of their little nuances. Clicking out of their page, you looked up articles and what others said... your fears were confirmed._

_People traumatized into adulthood, having experienced unspeakable horrors at that camp. As you read each experience, you felt more and more sick until it felt like you couldn't breathe._

_It was torture disguised._

_Daedra was 12. And a young 12 at that, innocent and gentle. Clutching your phone to your stomach, your chest heaved. No. No way. No fucking way you'd let them take Daedra there. No way you'd lose your little sister. This 'camp' would destroy her. You texted Daedra to meet you outside of her school at 12 tomorrow, while your parents were working._

* * *

_"Y/n?!"_

_You ignored her, tearing apart your floorboard. She was looking up at you with wide, terrified eyes, making you gently grasp her shoulders._

_"Listen to me, Bun. We're leaving."_

_"But we don't have any money!" She cried out._

_Prying apart the floorboard, you snickered._

_"Wrong. I've been saving this since I was 8, taking oddball jobs. And Mom has her rainy-day jar in the study."_

_It wasn't a lot. In 7 years, you'd only managed to collect around 2,000 dollars, most of it in smaller bills and 20s. Daedra wrapped her arms around herself, quivering._

_"W-we don't have anywhere to go!" Her voice wavered._

_"Motel," you growled simply, stuffing the cash in your backpack._

_She followed you in distress to the kitchen, watching you throw non-perishables and water bottles into her and your's bag before moving to the medicine cabinet. Daedra was breathing heavily at this point, tears welled in her eyes._

_"B-but school-"_

_"I'll homeschool you."_

_"But you're supposed to be going to college in 2 years! How-"_

_"I'll figure it out," you shut her down, not wanting to think about it, "... I... I'll get a job."_

_"Doing what?!"_

_"I'll just do it!" You snarled, whirling on her._

_Her nostrils flared, fear in her eyes. You faltered, twisting the hem of your shit worriedly._

_"I'm scared," she whispered._

_Breathing out, you bent so you were at eye-level with her._

_"I know, Bun... I'm scared too... okay, look. This is what's going to happen, okay? I'll work while homeschooling you. By the time you're my age, I'll be 18 and I'll find some way to enroll you in a school. Daedra. I-I don't know how this all works... I'm not letting them take you, do you hear me?"_

_"So you're not going to finish high school?" Her voice was small._

_You swallowed, the question hanging heavy in the air. Inhaling deeply, you grabbed your violin. It was one of the only things you loved in this place, pretty much the only thing you openly owned that you bought with your own money._

_"You don't need to go to school to be able to play music," you answered gruffly._

_She still looked ready to argue, but you held out her bag. Daedra stared at it as if it were toxic, the air thick and frozen. You didn't give yourself the time to think. To realize that you were leaving everything, a house, friends and a relatively stable life to go into the unknown._

_"You're not thinking this through!" Daedra implored._

_"I don't care!" You screamed._

_The two of you squared your jaws, the only sound in the house coming from the clock. Your fingers were shaking on the straps._

_"Daedra. I know I'm not being rational and I'm sure there's a million better ways to handle this, but right now? I don't care... I_ **love** _you. Please just take the bag. I need to get you out of here."_

_She searched your eyes, chewing hesitantly on you lip. **Come on, Bun. Just take the bag. Please take the bag**. Daedra shakily took her bag, shuffling her feet. A deeper relief than you'd ever experienced made your knees buckle, your face going pale. She numbly slipped her bag around her shoulders, her gaze distant._

_"It's my fault... if- if I weren't like this... you wouldn't be giving up your whole life..."_

_"Daedra... this isn't your fault. Bun, look at me... you're beautiful, okay? You're perfect and amazing and I wouldn't change a single thing about you... I just wish Mom and Dad could see that..."_

_"Y/n... they'll look for us."_

_You shuddered, twisting your grip on your backpack's strap. Turning to her, you forced an easygoing smile, making yourself chuckle mischievously. Anything to hide the mind-numbing terror._

_"Yeah, but they'll have to catch us first."_

_Daedra stared. She shifted, her face tilted downwards. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, you pulled her towards the door._

_"Come on. If we hurry now, we can make the bus going into the city._ "

Huh, you hadn't told this story to anyone and as far as you knew, the only person besides you and Daedra who knew was Daedra's girlfriend. It was a strange feeling finally hearing it out loud. You shifted. But why L? Why did you feel so compelled to tell _him_? Old feelings rushed back up, a confusing mess in your brain.

L was speechless, his eyes intense. You didn't even realize you'd been crying until you felt tears gently sliding down your cheek. He hesitantly reached forward, carefully brushing a finger under your eye. When you didn't move away, he took it as a sign to do the same to your other, his thumb soft against your skin.

Sniffing, you leaned against the railing. By now, it was raining rather heavily, making both of your hair stick to the back of your necks. You looked at him, at the drops hanging off his eyelashes and thick locks.

"I don't like it when it feels like I'm not in control or like I'm being manipulated," you whispered, "living in there, I felt like... a doll."

There was an unspoken exchange. You couldn't go to a safe-house. A place where you couldn't even use your phone? You'd go insane. Without a doubt. L's thumb still lingered on your cheek, but he nodded seriously.

"I know," he murmured, his low voice wavering, "Y/n... I can't tell you how sorry I am... for everything. For you, for what I did. I'm just... sorry." 

You scanned his features, his reflective grey eyes. By now, the chill in the air was making his pale skin flush, his entire body shivering. L leaned forward, his lip quivering.

"Please... I know that I said I'd leave you alone but..." he shuddered, his eyes misting, "If you just disappear, I'll be so scared for you. We can figure out an alternative! Just, ple-... please don't leave."

You gaped, watching him shrink. Tentatively, you touched his jaw, tilting his face upwards. His breath caught. For just a moment, the rain seemed to go silent. Holding your breath, you pressed your lips against his, tasting pastries and the remnants of coffee. His eyes were almost comically wide, his breathing hitched. Placing a hand on his chest, your mind twisted. Shit, his heart was _racing_.

L's eyes slipped shut, moving his lips along yours. Your eyes closed too, accepting the tongue poking at your cheeks, twisting and dancing with yours. You were vaguely aware of his arms resting around your hips, pulling you closer. Craning your neck to look at him, your heart skipped. L tenderly touched your face. 

"It must've felt horrible not being in control of yourself..."

Watari's words replayed in your brain. How he thought of L as little more than a machine. An interesting curiosity. And the media absolutely idealized him, never treating him like an actual human. He was always something that people had to achieve... something to be worshipped that couldn't have any flaws. 

A dry snort left your throat before you could stop it. L blinked in confusion, watching as you looked down at the lake, jumping up and creating small waves from the rain. Against your will, you started laughing, quickly covering your mouth to stop the light-headed giggles erupting from your throat. L tilted his head, a finger propped in intrigue between his lips.

"A doll and an idol... what a fucking joke... I guess neither of us are people, hm?"

You shifted, worried about his response. _Maybe I took it a bit too far_. But he sighed, a deep fondness mixing with an equally deep sadness behind his eyes. L gave a heartbreaking, tired smile.

"I'd say that's a fair assessment."


	18. Say My Name

You trudged, a part of you not wanting to go back to that hotel. It felt like everything had been moving a million miles a second and you just wanted a nice evening where you didn't have to think about serial killers and shitty homes. Especially as far away from Watari as possible. L seemed to read your mind, gently holding your wrist.

"You know, I've always wanted to try the dinner at this hotel about 15 minutes away, it's supposed to be very good."

A smile fought its way up your lips.

"Hm, really? I could eat," you answered with a slight chuckle.

His eyes sparked playfully.

"Yes, I'm in the mood for something sweet..."

It was fun picking out a million things from the menu, your mouth watering every time you scanned the ingredients. Blinking, you glanced at him, a sudden thought running through your mind.

"How long do these investigations usually take?"

Not looking up from the dessert menu, L shrugged.

"Depends. The killer is very random with his victims and when he actually kills them. I'd say... typically a month or two? The murderer started killing four months ago but I didn't take the case until seven weeks ago."

Huh. You tapped your chin thoughtfully, settling on the headrest.

"What's your record?"

That made L's lips curve ever so slightly. Even though he wasn't trying to be too egotistical, you could see his chest puff with pride.

"I once received, solved, and sent the police to arrest a killer in 43 minutes."

"Wow..." a thought came and your snorted, saying it before you could stop yourself, "I bet Watari would love for you to get the case over with as soon as possible."

L placed his chin in the cup of his hand, eyes shining.

"Oh, is that why he was moving at super-sonic speed to help me?"

You laughed, swiping at your eyes. Freezing, you looked at him, tilting your head curiously.

"You- you don't have to answer, but... how did he react to Kira?"

L stiffened, his eyes darkening. Sighing, he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

"He was wary, but he was kind to her. She was a minor living on the streets, so the two of us let her stay at the hotel and... I don't know, she started to feel like family. The day before she tried to kill me, Watari and I had been talking and he was going to offer to bring her back to England when the case was over. To the orphanage... it wouldn't be a traditional home, but... she'd have a place to sleep. Food..."

He trailed off, wrinkling his nose. There was an uncomfortable silence and a part of you regretted asking. Sighing, L rolled his shoulders.

"There's really no point in speculation."

"Sorry."

"It's quite alright." His lips twitched, trying to bring up the mood again, "I just was just surprised you want to know about my ex."

You scoffed, heat rising up your cheeks as he sidled closer.

"Please, I was just curious-"

"Mhm?" He rumbled, his lips an inch from your neck. You giggled, pressing into that mouth. Teeth lightly grazed, his lips pursed as he innocently kissed the soft part of your throat, "you worried that she was a better kisser?" He teased.

"No!" You wheezed as his breath tickled the shell of your ear, his tongue darting out. He took the lobe in between his teeth, gently rolling it. You moaned, clutching his arm. He grinned against the side of your face.

"Then prove it," he growled huskily.

Your brow quirked. Grabbing the sides of his face, you crashed your lips into his. His tongue was hot, moving and twisting around yours, always tasting sweet. God, it was always like tasting a slice of cake. You sucked on the organ, raking your nails down his back as you explored every inch of that mouth. 

Slowly parting, his pupils were dilated, flicking excitedly around your face. L touched your chin.

"Okay," he conceded weakly, "so you're the better kisser."

You snorted, leaning to kiss him again.

Before you could register, he'd flipped the both of you so you were pressing into the mattress, your hair splayed around you. Your heart skipped, already racing excitedly. L hovered over you, his fingers around your wrists, sending fire to your fingertips. Your chest heaved, lust making you arch and grind against his hips. He made a strangled sound, a hand leaving your wrist and pressing down on your abdomen in anticipation. You threw your head against the pillow, writhing and bucking your hips pleadingly. L sat back, watching you pant, your lips up in a disbelieving smile.

"Lawliet, so God help me, if you don't fuck me-"

"Oh, but I have to make sure you're properly prepared," he blinked sweetly, sliding your shirt up, purposefully slowly.

The cool air hit you, instantly forming goosebumps. Rising to a sitting position, your seductively rode up his blouse, making sure your fingers lingered and danced on his lean torso, the muscles compact, yet defined. He gave you a hooded expression, leaning down to let his tongue dart over your nipples while you undid both of your pants. It was hard, your fingers were shaking, your other nipple going straight just from the prospect of being in his mouth. Sure enough, he moved to the other one and you leaned back, passing your hand over his nape.

The soft bed met your back again, the air thick. L smoothed his hands over your curves, completely taking off your pants and underwear agonizingly slowly. Every touch was fire, calloused fingers gliding over your skin, carefully passing over the inside of your thighs.

"L," you whined, grasping a fistful of the bedsheets.

You craned your neck to see that he was hard, his member red and twitching as he looked down at you, his eyes almost comically wide.

"Say my name again," he said in a breathless voice.

"L."

He shivered, his mouth falling open in pleasure. You tilted your head. _This is the first time he's heard his real name during sex, isn't it_? He leaned down, giving your entrance a languid lick. You gasped, digging your fingers into his scalp, pulling harshly on locks of hair. His own nails squeezed into your hips, mixing small stings of pleasure with the pain.

"Oh, fuck, _L_ ," you made sure to put an emphasis on his name.

It had the desired effect, his fingers pressing harder into your skin, his tongue spearing you and twisting mercilessly. You groaned, the heat pooling in your stomach, your nerves going numb. All you could feel was that warm, wet organ prodding and digging, lips pursed into your folds.

Screaming, you came, your back arched. Static filled your brain. L lapped at you greedily, his eyes lidded and blown black. 

He crawled up, his lips inches from yours. L's voice was low, an almost animalistic growl.

"Say my name..."

"L-" Your voice was dripping, barely audible from how shaky and desperate it was. Desperate for him.

As you said it, he entered, a swift, fluid motion that made you yelp. Holding onto his shoulders, you buried your face into his sweaty neck, inhaling his scent. L waited until you nodded into his collarbone.

His thrusts were slow and shallow at first, making you sink your teeth into his skin. L gave a deep sound, pressing your head closer to the area, his own lips attaching to your neck.

"L," your voice vibrated in his shoulder.

L grunted, the thrusts steadily increasing. You flexed your toes, pleasure making your vision tilt and spin. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the room as he speared your flesh, the both of you letting out lewd noises, high-pitched cries. Your heart was about to burst, everything in your body boiling. 

He drove into you, the headrest banging against the wall, his teeth drawing small drops of blood. You vaguely realized that your own bite was also drawing blood, a tang on your tongue. L pounded, his nostrils flaring with each thrust.

"Ah... ahh,"

"Oh, God," you squeaked, clawing your nails over his hips, leaving marks, trying to meet his thrusts, "oh fuck, s-shit! **_L_**!"

He roared, his hips jerking and releasing. The feeling of warn liquid, the smell, you let a scream, an orgasm washing over you and drowning out your senses. 

You winced, gently lapping at the bite mark you left, and he did the same. A drunk giggle bubbled up in your chest. _Ha, matching hickeys_. L's lips were trembling as he softly kissed your forehead, his breathing quick.

"God, I love you," he sighed.

Your eyes popped in shock and he stiffened, realizing what he'd said. L stammered, flustered until you gently touched the sides of his face. He looked down at you with reflective grey eyes, worried about your response.

"I love you too," you mumbled, taking his lips.

He smiled, his eyes lit up when you returned it. Settling with you against him, he tenderly nibbled and kissed the nape of your neck, his fingers drawing lazy patterns along your sides. You fell asleep like that, his warmth washing over you, a serene grin on your lips.

* * *

You woke up at some point in the middle of the night, your phone buzzing. 

Groaning, you strategically slid out of his grip, L's arm falling back to the bed. He shifted, making a slight sound, but otherwise didn't wake up.

Stretching your aching limbs, you stumbled to the mirror, biting at your lip. The hickey was a dark mark in the crook of your neck, stark against your skin. _Well, shit_. You hadn't really gotten to see the one you have him... a small thrill went up your spine though at the thought.

Sighing, you dug through your bag, pulling out your phone. Oh. Texts from Light. You grabbed at a random shirt from the floor before realizing it was L's. Shrugging, you put it on anyway, sitting cross-legged on the edge of the bed.

**Light: U know that Mikami guy from the hall?**

**You: Yes, Light, he's my boss 🤣**

**Light: ...Right! XD. Well, he gave me his number.**

**You: Aw sweet, u going to call him?**

**Light: Debating. He seems pretty clingy and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried getting handsy. Would u be down for maybe doing a double date with us and ur guy?**

You hissed out a breath, staring at the message. 

**You: Can't. Personal stuff.**

**Light: *Dramatic sigh* mkay :P XD. You know Mikami better than me. What's he like?**

Oof, that was a loaded question. You tapped your chin thoughtfully.

 **You: Bit tough to answer. At first, he was super nice and tried to get along with me. He'd try to strike up conversation, but idk, we never really had anything in common. Work got in my way and I kept coming later and later. Pretty sure he hated my guts by the third time I was late lmao**. 

Next to you, L curled into a ball before his eyes fluttered open, tilting his head curiously.

"Wha..."

"Texting a friend."

You showed him the texts. 

"If you were to ask me, I would say that Light's not the killer, but... I don't know now," you chuckled nervously, "he's a pretty cool guy."

L passed a hand over his face, his thumb hooking over his lip. He chewed it thoughtfully. 

"This 'double date'... it'd be a good opportunity for me to profile both of them. Eliminate two people from your life from suspicion."

"You want me to say yes?"

L nodded, already looking tired and ready to go back to sleep.

"If one of them's the killer, I doubt they'd do something with an extra two witnesses to worry about."

"Huh. Okay, yeah. I'll say yes."


	19. Double Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick tag for non-con drugging

You examined yourself in the mirror, grinning. Your dress wasn't monumentally fancy, but enough to turn a few heads. Tucking your hair behind your ear, you moved out into the main room where L was waiting, tapping his fingers. His eyes lingered on you, mouth open in awe. You blushed, smoothing out your dress.

"Nice?"

His lips went up, eyes sparkling.

"Gorgeous," he murmured.

You licked your lip, almost taking off the lipstick.

"Pfft, you're just trying to get brownie points," you accused playfully.

L stepped closer to you, nuzzling your nose.

"Is it working?"

Craning your neck, you looked over him. The restaurant wasn't super fancy, but it was a step up from what you were used to. L was trying to blend in by putting some effort into his clothing, his hair combed back and down yet still somehow tussled. You pecked his lips.

"A little too well. Now I don't want to go," you joked.

L wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into a deeper kiss, nipping gently at your bottom lip. Your eyes slipped shut, just enjoying the cool feeling from his lips, the distant taste of strawberry. You were so distracted that you almost didn't notice him stealthily clasp a necklace around you. Blinking, you glanced in the mirror, smiling. It was beautiful... a sharp blue sapphire surrounded by small diamonds.

"Wow," you breathed.

"Do you like it? I got it not too long before our... fight."

"It's beautiful," you said softly, looking at him, "...thank you."

You hooked around arms around the back of his neck, taking in loving eyes. He delicately framed your face, passing a thumb along your cheek.

"I love you so much," his breath caught, "We'll figure it out," he promised.

* * *

The second, _the freaking second_ , you and L stepped into the restaurant, you saw him tense. At your questioning look, his eyes lowered.

"Something feels off," he mumbled.

Yikes.

He subconsciously wrapped an arm around your waist, eyes darting apprehensively. Light and Mikami were already sitting at a table, their faces close together as they talked and chuckled. Light's face went a tomato red as Mikami whispered something in his ear, and you couldn't help but feel good for him.

Sitting down across from them, you beamed, dipping your head towards Mikami respectfully. Mikami smirked.

"Now if only you could be on time to practice," but you could tell he was teasing.

L tilted his head, looking between the two men. 

The conversation was a bit awkward... no one really knew what to talk about. L seemed to be right on the investigative warpath, his questions sounding much more like an interrogation. Light tapped his chin.

"Well I came to France about 4 years ago-"

"Why."

"Wha-

"Why'd you come to France."

"Um... because my parents had high expectations and I really like France?"

Mikami opened his mouth, L's eyes flashing in his direction.

"What about you?"

Mikami had a blank expression, caught off-guard by the rapid question.

"Let's see, I've been here about, I dunno, 6 years now?"

You had a stifle a laugh. Even if one of them was a secret killer, you could practically see their brain smoking from all the effort to keep up with L.

At some point, you got up, pecking L's forehead.

"I'll be right back," you murmured, moving for the bathroom. 

You took out your phone, texting Daedra. Nothing important, she wanted regular updates until the situation was resolved. A woman bumped into you and you yelped, your necklace falling off. She gasped, managing to catch it. Breathing out, you looked at her, nodding gratefully.

"Thanks... I didn't know it was that loose," you chuckled.

Whoa... she was beautiful... you gaped, staring at her. Her eyes were amber, her hair dark and sweeping around her face. Her dress was simple, black yet hugging her body almost perfectly. There was definitely something alluring about her. She gave a dazzling smile, holding up the necklace.

"Do you want some help putting it back on?"

"O-oh, thank you."

She got behind you, carefully adjusting the jewelry. Warm fingers brushed the back of your neck. You shrank. She smelled sweet, like caramel. The clasp accidentally pinched your nape and you yelped. She hissed, gently rubbing the area.

"Shit, sorry."

"It's okay," you waved it off.

She took it off, inspecting the clasp more closely and went back to wrapping it around your neck.

"It's a beautiful necklace," she purred.

"Thanks. It's a gift from my boyfriend."

She met your eyes in the mirror, her own sparkling in intrigue.

"Hm. Your boyfriend has taste. Both in jewelry and girls."

Heat rushed up your cheeks.

"T-thank you. Are you here with anyone?"

She sighed, shaking her head.

"No, tonight I'm just looking for a hookup. Actually I'm hiding in here from some creep at the bar."

She carefully raised your hair out of the necklace, letting it fall back down and softly fixing it, her fingers sweeping through your strands. Pausing, she cocked her head curiously.

"You look familiar... oh! I think I saw you sitting outside with those guys."

"Double date," you cleared your throat.

"Hm. I take your boyfriend's the cutie with the messy hair?"

"Well, um-"

You didn't answer, wrinkling your nose. Lately, it felt like you were suspicious of everyone. She laughed, catching onto you unease, the sound low and luscious. 

"Sorry if I'm being annoying, I'm a bit of an extrovert. My name's Yui."

"Oh. It's-it's nice to meet you..." you faltered, not wanting to give a stranger your name, "I'm... Anne..." _Anne, really? That was the best you could come up with_?

Yui nodded, her eyes glittering. You wanted to go back to the table, but she kept asking questions, making small talk. Nothing very personal, it was just taking more time than you felt comfortable with. It must've been a full five minutes before you tried politely excusing yourself. Yui dipped her head in understanding.

"It's been a pleasure."

You grinned, backing out of the bathroom and back to the table. L was still looking between Light and Mikami intensely. He still hadn't relaxed since first entering the restaurant, and when he looked at you, you could tell he was deeply bothered. Sliding next to him, you entangled your fingers with his. L leaned subtly into you, still addressing Mikami.

"You're really a composer?"

Mikami bobbed his head.

"None of my stuff's been picked up... but someday. Someday, entire orchestras will be playing my music."

L touched his lip in interest.

"What do you like to write?"

"... Alternative pieces. I'm not big on that industry trash with all the electronic sounds and shit, y'know? Sometimes the best music comes from those unrecognized."

You snorted, thinking about your own troubles as a musician.

"Amen to that," you grumbled.

Mikami gave a lopsided smile. Light picked at his food, shaking his head.

"At least you two are in an orchestra... I couldn't find anything-"

As he was talking, your brow furrowed, his voice going distant. Why were there... two?... of him? You swayed, your stomach turning. Whoa... what was... what was... you looked at L, your thoughts sluggish. You were about to say his name, but paused, breathing heavily. Weren't- weren't you supposed to use an alias? What was his alias, again? What was his-... you breathed heavily, holding the table. Light stopped talking, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Y/n?"

A hand touched your shoulder. L. His grey eyes were shining worriedly, a thin, pale hand touching your forehead.

"You're burning up," he gasped.

"I don't feel well," you croaked. Something was squeezing your chest, your heart somehow both slow and quick.

L's gently touched both sides of your face, forcing you to look at him. His edges were blurred as he examined you, his voice a hushed whisper, too low for Light and Mikami to hear.

"... Fixed pupils, excessive sweating... morphine? No, that doesn't make any sense... I have to get you out of here... the limo's parked outside."

Mikami and Light glanced at each other. They started standing.

"Do you need some help?"

L's eyes flashed in alarm and a deep suspicion, gripping you in a tight, protective hug. His eyes flashed between the two men, debating. You knew what he was thinking. If one or even both of them were the killer, being stuck with them outside would be a horrible idea.

"No, that's quite alright," there was a growl to his words, his chest vibrating and making you so... sleepy, "the two of you stay here. I'll take care of her."

Light's eyes narrowed.

"Y/n, do you want us to help?"

"No," you rasped.

Before you knew what was happening, L was supporting you, the world fading in and out. The cool night air hit your skin and you moaned, dragging your feet. He grunted, struggling to keep you upright as your hair fell forward. He gasped, running a hand along he back of your neck. There was a slight sting of pain and you hissed. His voice wavered, full of such uncharacteristic fear.

"When did this happen?"

"When did... when wha..."

"You've been injected with something."

He tapped the back of your neck again. Injec-? No, no... the cut was from the necklace's clasp... wasn't it? A wave of nausea hit you. _Whatever cut me wasn't the clasp_.

That woman.

L's perspective

No, no, no. It was getting harder to support her. I whirled my head towards the restaurant, unable to see Mikami and Light. 

"L... bathroom-"

"Hang in there, the limo is just around the corner."

"N- bathroom..."

Her head hung unconscious.

Grunting, I basically pulled her. The limo was just around the building. As we turned the corner, something smashed into my head. I let out a surprised cry, crumpling. She rolled away from me, landing face-first on the pavement. I swayed on my hands and knees, my head pounding. Was there a gash? As if answering my question, a trickle of blood streamed down my forehead and into my face. It got in my eyes, making me see nothing but red. Groaning, I grasped the front of my head, trying to get through the fog in my mind. 

"Y/n..." I tried crawling to her, but someone kicked my gut, sending me sprawling.

My first instinct was to press the buckle on my belt, signaling anyone with a Wammy's chip in their phone within a twenty mile radius. _Come on, Watari_. Squinting, I tried looking through the blood, a woman silhouetted above me.

"Aw, babe! Moved on from me so soon?"

I froze.

No.

God, please no...

"... Kira?"

She smashed a long heel against my chest, making me lose my breath. I held onto her ankle, my mind spinning, trying to remember my training. I couldn't focus! The oxygen was being cut and I could feel blood still dripping. Kira kneeled, slowly dragging a long pipe along my throat. A shudder went up my spine. Is that what she hit me with? It was cold and heavy, moving slowly and gently along my windpipe. Y/n... I needed to get to her, I needed to- she seemed to be reading my mind, her lips curling.

"So worried about your girlfriend... so sweet."

She started moving in Y/n direction, panic instantly taking hold. 

"No!" I rasped, trying to pull myself in her direction. Everything hurt, I couldn't stand. I sounded desperate, I knew. The first rule was to not show fear. But I couldn't help the raw terror, tears springing to the corners of my eyes, "please... please!"

"Please, what?" She smirked, holding the pipe directly over Y/n's head.

"Please don't hurt her!... Please, I'll do whatever you want, please... please."

Kira's brow quirked, amber eyes practically glowing red. 

"Ooh, I've never heard you _begging_. I _like_ it. Do more of it."

I tried standing, but instantly got disoriented, slumping.

"Please... Y/n... Y/n!"

She moved back over to me, roughly grabbing my wrists. I tried twisting, punching upwards. She caught them, grinning as she snapped a pair of handcuffs, rendering my hands immobile behind me. As she pulled me, I saw the limo. My driver, Callum's throat had been slashed, blood running down and over his suit. Kira giggled, twirling a knife in her fingers.

"He was so sweet. I stumbled out of there pretending to be all drunk, coming up to the limo, and he was all 'do you need some help, Miss'? You find the most polite people, Karasu."

I flinched, the nickname foreign after so many years. Holding me so I was on my knees, her hand slowly ran through my hair, marveling when the locks fell through her fingers. A shiver worked up my spine, my breathing heavy.

"I thought you were dead."

"I'm sure you would've liked that, hm?"

My throat felt dry. Her finger danced from my scalp, dancing around my neck. She poked at the hickey Y/n left with a disbelieving laugh, making me wince in pain. Time. I just had to buy time until Watari could find me. 

"What did you inject her with?" I snarled.

Kira blinked innocently. 

"Nothing serious. She'll wake up in a few hours."

"Leave her out of this. This- this is between you and me."

"Self-sacrificing?" She scoffed, "what, do you love her or something?"

"Kira."

"Trust me, she's out of it. She belongs to Mikami. _You_ belong to _me_."

My eyes widened.

"You're with the Ribbon Raven Killer."

"Yeah, pretty much. I owed him, so I told him I'd deliver her to him with a pretty bow on her head." Her grip in my hair tightened, making it sting. I tried not to whimper, adverting my eyes as she leaned into my ear, "trust me, if she was mine, I'd splatter her pretty little brains all over the sidewalk while you watched."

My nostrils flared, fear racing up my brain. She roughly let go of me, going to her.

"Stop! Don't you dare touch her! I'll fucking kill you!"

"Muzzle it," she bit, grabbing and dragging her to the limo.

I shuttled, worming along the ground, squirming my arms. Kira moved as if it was all an inconvenience, grabbing me. I screamed, but she clamped a hand over my mouth. Snarling, I tried biting, kicking and twisting. I heard a crack, my heart falling. The tracker in my belt... no...

She violently swung me into the back of the limo, me landing on top of Y/n. She snickered.

"Enjoy her while you can. She'll be dead in the next 24 hours."

Unceremoniously shoving Callum out of his seat, she started the limo. Curling into Y/n, I pressed my lips to her forehead, my heart racing. I nuzzled her... as if that would wake her up...

"It's okay," I whispered, "you'll be okay... we'll both be okay..."


	20. Captured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Non-con kiss

B's perspective

My fingers fiddled with the gun in my pocket, my heart beating. It was-strange- to say the least when my old communicator started buzzing, the Wammy crest lighting up and locking out all other functions. I didn't even _use_ that thing anymore, it was just gathering dust on the shelf.

Stepping along the alley, my brow furrowed. Was L really in trouble?

There were footsteps behind and I whipped around, simultaneously taking out my gun.

Watari. 

And he had a gun of his own trained on _me_.

My nose wrinkled. Watari's brow quirked, looking down, unimpressed at the gun. 

"If it was my intention to kill you, you'd be dead."

"Shut up." The gun shook in my grip, anger turning to hatred, "just shut up or I'll blow your fucking brains out."

Him... this man who used L as a kid, saw him as some machine, basically used me to blackmail my own brother. I hated him. And for a second... the thought of killing him flashed through my brain. God knows how much I wanted to kill him when I was younger. A black hatred I'd never felt before. He didn't seem phased in the slightest, tapping on the barrel of the gun.

"Put it down before you hurt yourself, Son. We have more important matters to attend to."

I glared at him. But he was right. L had sent out a distress signal. And no one had been close enough to get to him in time. Watari strolled past me, my gun still in the air. Grumbling, I pocketed it and followed him into the dark alley between the restaurant and next building over. He glanced around apprehensively.

"Callum wasn't supposed to take the limo anywhere. My guess is that he's dead and L was taken in there. His locator is broken. The last area where the signal was transmitted was here."

Hm. Ignoring him, I crept down the alley a bit, crouching when I saw a small puddle of blood. Not large, but large enough to be liquid on the ground. 

"He's injured," I whispered, shaking my head, "what I want to know is how someone got the drop on him. He's trained in Capoeira, Taekwondo and Krav Maga."

"Unless someone took him by surprise before he could notice Callum's condition... Y/n would've been able to, he trusts her implicitly. It wouldn't have been hard for her to surprise and attack him."

My eyes snapped in his direction, a flame of protectiveness shooting up my chest.

"Fuck off. Y/n's a good person. How _dare_ you accuse her-"

"Good person?" Watari scoffed, "like how Kira was a 'good person'."

I blinked, staring at him curiously, the name unfamiliar.

"Kira?"

He stared at me, steely blue eyes widening a fraction.

"You know... Kira!"

"L's ex? All he told me was that they had a massive falling out. He didn't come back to Wammy's when A died because he was still messed up from the breakup."

Something changed in his expression. I hated when he did that. One minute looking like a cold, calculative killer and the next a concerned father. His voice went soft and cracked.

"L didn't tell you?... I told him to use you as a support system."

"Was- was the breakup really that bad? I just assumed L was heartless... that he... that he didn't care about me and B."

Watari's eyes shone tearfully and I had a sudden urge to hug him. Dread seeped through my system as he inhaled, slowly talking about Kira. How L saw her die in front of his eyes, was in the hospital for weeks healing from his wounds. How immediately after A's death, Interpol threw him to a new country and kept him on different drugs to help keep him alert. Strung him along like a puppet under the guise that he was needed for matters of national securities and global peace keeping. Didn't let him see a therapist lest that take time away from the case... How he felt like he'd failed both me and A, refusing to talk to me and shutting himself off to the point where Watari felt the need to put him on suicide watch. 

The more he talked, the more anger and horror blossomed in my chest. I didn't even realize I'd been crying until I was gulping, wiping at my face.

"... He never told me..." L never told me! _Why didn't he tell me?_ Hot tears stung the corners of my eyes, "why didn't he tell me?!"

"He hated himself," Watari said gently, his own eyes red, "Kira made him feel like he was unloveable and A made him feel like he couldn't hold on to the people who he loved. And when he tried to return after 3 years of nonstop cases, unnecessary drugs and no therapy... you were so angry. He felt like he lost you too."

Sucking in a deep breath, Watari shuddered.

"I was so excited to find such a natural genius... I wanted to understand how his mind worked, what about his brain was so advanced... I suppose all roads to Hell are paved with good intentions. B, I don't think you'll ever understand how much your brother loves you."

I swallowed, my fingers tingling. After all this time. I thought he'd abandoned me. That he somehow didn't care about A. Exhaling, I forced myself back on the task. Oh yeah, I'd give L a piece of my mind for believing he couldn't rely on me! But first things first.

"I'm sorry to hear that about Kira. But I've known Y/n for the past year or so. This wasn't her doing."

Watari pursed his lips, but didn't say anything at first. Massaging his temple, he sighed, still looking unconvinced.

"Very well. Let's see what other clues we can find."

* * *

You groaned, tilting your head, everything spinning in disorientation. Straightening, you blinked, trying to get a bearing on your surroundings. L was slumped beside you, his head lolled forward. The two of you were in a basement, the smell dank and musty, moisture hanging thickly in the air. Both of your and L's wrists were handcuffed to some heavy pipe. You gave an experimental tug to find it perfectly sturdy and strong. So that wasn't an option. Slowly but surely, the events of the night came back to you. 

Small stings on your neck... L yelled in pain and the last thing you perceived before passing out was rolling on pavement.

"L?" You hissed, nudging him with your shoulder.

He grunted, blinking large eyes.

"... Y/n? Where- Kira!"

You blanched, remembering the woman.

"T-that was Kira in the bathroom, wasn't it?" You breathed.

He bobbed his head, eyes already darting and looking for an escape. L growled, tugging at the chains, pulling them until he yelped in pain. You gazed around the small basement, your heart thudding. It was a cluttered little area, boxes strewn about and mothballs in the corners. You scanned for anything your foot might be able to reach but it was all too far away, leaving you feeling vulnerable. After a while of yanking at the chain, L roared, throwing his head back against pipe.

" **Damn** ," he snarled, his chest heaving. 

L faltered, his gaze going distant. His fingers brushed against yours, tenderly touching your knuckles, mindlessly passing his fingertips over the grooves of your bones. You shuddered, fear racing up your spine.

"So she's alive," you said softly.

He didn't say anything. You craned your neck, your heart catching. His eyes had misted, making the grey reflective.

"I'll never be free," he murmured more so to himself.

"Hey. Don't talk like that. We-we'll get out of here," of course you knew he wasn't talking about just being physically trapped.

L turned completely to look at you. There was raw terror on his face, but... it was for you... your stomach dropped, fingers tingling unpleasantly when he started talking, his words a rush.

"I have to get you out of here. She's with the Ribbon Raven murderer... they're going to kill us, I have to get- I have to get..."

Your tongue went numb. Your eyes strained as you joined him, desperately pulling at the pipe. When that proved fruitless, the two of you slumped, sweat on both your brows. 

"You don't have any escape tactics?" You squeaked, fear making you tremble.

"Of course I learned them, but yes, let me just pull out the hairpin I keep with me at all times." There was more than a bit of sarcasm.

You glared at him and he winced, his brow stitched, him trying to control his breathing.

"Sorry... the tracker in my buckle was broken. It was my first and main line of defense against this kind of thing! No one's going to be able to find us."

Smashing his foot against the ground, he yelled in frustration. It was at that moment that you realized that on the side of his face turned away from you, his temple had been bandaged. L caught on to your silent question, self-loathing and guilt permeating his eyes.

"She took me by surprise... _by surprise_! How could I have been so _stupid_?!"

"L, look at me. You're not stupid and this isn't your fault... _at all_. Calm down and think. What's our first course of action?"

He searched your face, your words slowly making the tension drain from his stance. Leaning towards you, he nuzzled your nose, his lips ghosting over yours. L opened his mouth to respond when the door swung open. He leaned away from you, glaring at the mess of boxes and things, waiting for someone to emerge.

Kira snorted, her brow raised.

"Oh good, you're both awake..."

She leaned in front of L, inspecting the bandages.

"I'll have to change them," she sighed.

"Why don't you just kill me?" L challenged. You pursed your lips. _Don't give her any ideas_. 

Kira giggled, already taking out a fresh roll and taking off the gauze taped to his temple. You sucked in a sharp breath, your heart dropping and going cold. There was a moderate gash, dried blood still staining his pale skin. L hissed as she cleaned and dressed it, her fingers still lingering in his hair. His eyes narrowed spitefully. Her lips twitched upwards amusedly.

"Kill you?" she mused, "so quickly? Oh no, Lawliet. You're going to feel some semblance of the pain I did. Every day for months. Unable to move and relying completely on Teru."

"Mikami is the killer?" You gasped, your eyes wide.

She turned her head slowly, the action reptilian.

"Yeah, pretty much. I'll admit he's a bit of a loose canon, but he saved my life... I'd do anything for him."

Your lip quivered. Kira moved towards you, softly dragging the pads of her fingers down your jaw. L growled, shuttling in his handcuffs. Kira smirked.

"Don't worry, darling. Your death will be much quicker than L's, although I can't guarantee it'll be painless."

It took all you had not to quake in her grasp. She took your chin in her hand, forcing you to keep your eyes on her.

"You're very pretty," she breathed, running her thumb along your bottom lip, "Lawliet, your taste in women is absolutely impeccable."

"Go to Hell," you spat, a fire igniting in your stomach.

Kira cocked her head, sniffing a laugh, pretending like you hadn't insulted her.

"I have to know what you think of the birthmark," she wheezed, "you know, the ridiculous one on L's hip that's shaped like a bird?"

"It is not," L muttered bitterly under his breath.

"I beg to differ, Karasu," she looked back at you, her voice low and reverent, "it's such a shame, I really wish it was me killing you. Imagine the kind of raw pain that'd put L through..."

L was shaking at this point, the handcuffs rattling against the pipe. You locked eyes with blazing amber, a part of you in awe at how fiery and destructive they were. But you forced your own gaze to go dangerous, the same kind you'd use when you and Daedra were runaways.

"Get your hand off of my face," you said in a low voice dripping with venom.

Kira stared at you, her face cryptic. The air went tense, thick and heavy. Sighing wistfully, she moved away from you, standing and stretching her muscles. You moved your jaw around, trying to get rid of the lingering feeling.

"Teru will be with you in a minute, Darling. He's a bit preoccupied with Light."

"Is he part of this too?" You croaked, your throat closing on you.

Just the thought of Light... your friend... someone who you genuinely cared about-

"Nah, he's got no idea," she chuckled.

You blinked, not bothering to hide the surprise on your face. Kira winked.

"Actually, Mikami sent you the invitation for the double date from Light's phone and deleted the messages. Then I texted Mikami's phone pretending to be you saying I wanted a double date. To Light, the date was all your idea."

Light was... innocent? Relief washed through your system. It was quickly squashed though when she pulled your hair, your scalp stinging. Kira's lips curled deviously. Making sure you were watching, she squatted in front of L. His eyes flashed in alarm, body stiffening and pressing against you. She grasped his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.

L's nose wrinkled, making muffled threats against her lips and thrashing in her grip. She moved her fingers through his hair, cupping his face. Your eyes narrowed, anger surging up your veins. His eyes widened, his body slowly going still. Your brow furrowed.

"L?"

His eyes became unfocused until he went slack, his pupils dilated. Kira pulled away satisfactorily, popping out a small squeeze vial from her lips. He landed against the pipe, his head rolling onto your shoulder, soft hair tickling your cheek and staring at the ground. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

"That should keep him calm until Mikami's ready. I suppose I could've forced it down his throat, but I think a kiss is much more pleasant."

You spat at her shoes, frustrated at your restraints. 

"I'll fucking kill you!" You shrieked, "what did you give him?!"

Kira moved backwards, holding up a hand.

" ** _Answer me, you fucking bitch!_** "

"How do you say it in England, L? Ta, Loves?"

He didn't answer. The door thudded and you instantly poked at L, your pulse racing.

"L?!"

He was shivering, curling against you as best as he could. You managed to nudge his head up, terror racing up your brain at how _vacant_ his look was. Glazed over and practically dead. Even his blinks were sluggish.

"Oh, God, L! Can you hear me? Come on, w-we have to escape..."

L just stared hollowly. 


	21. Kira's Raven

_Mikami's perspective_

_I was eighteen. A young eighteen still struggling in the world after my mother died in a car accident. My father hated me so I made it a point to spend as little time at home as possible. I sat in front the river, dipping my toes in the water._

_Something was floating my way in the distance... I squinted, my breath catching. A girl! And she was badly injured, blood soaking the water around her. Wading into the river, I grunted, lugging her towards the shore. It was a bullet wound?_

_So many questions were running through my brain. Who was she? How did she end up being in this water? She looked younger than me! I didn't know much about first-aid, but I knew you were supposed to see if the bullet went clean through... it actually did. There were two small holes in her body, in what looked to be her heart, but I realized the bullet must've just missed it. I don't know, I probably should've called a hospital, but I couldn't afford to help her and something told me that she wouldn't be able to afford treatment on her own._

_So I took care of her. I bought some antibiotics, some gauze, dressings, made sure she was comfortable and warm... and I waited... I brought her to an old warehouse I'd been staying in. Hell, I even gave her my bed-sofa to sleep in._

_Kira's perspective_

_My eyes fluttered open. The first thing I heard was the quiet crackling of fire... everything came back at once. My knife in L, his face... a flash of guilt went up my brain. He looked so betrayed and hurt._

_"You're awake."_

_My head whipped to see a boy sitting on the ground, tending to the fire. I didn't say anything at first, my heart pounding. Wait a minute, these clothes... they weren't mine! My throat closed on me, a million thoughts passing through my mind. What if he-he did something- to me, with me, unconscious and-_

_"I didn't rape you if that's what you're worried about."_

_I breathed out, watching him carefully. How could I possibly tell if he was lying? Hm, it's not like I had much of a choice. I turned on my side, a yell catching in my windpipes. Everything hurt... the sound of a gun, the bullet tearing through my flesh... of course I'd killed before for Ross, but I'd never imagined it'd feel anything close to this. The boy held out a small plate with food. I didn't take it, suspicion worming up my system. I'd been in this situation before, some strange guy offering me food when I was twelve. The next day, I'd woken up to find that he'd sold me to some creep... I managed to kill that guy... but I'd had the element of surprise. Something told me it wouldn't be the same with this kid._

_"How old are you?" He asked suddenly._

_"Fuck off," I growled._

_"I'm not going to force you to eat, but you should keep your strength up while you're healing. Although, again, if I were going to do anything to you, I would've done so already."_

_I glared at him, a part of me knowing that he was right. Sighing, I took the plate and practically inhaled the food. He watched me curiously, not making a sound. In a few seconds, what was an entire plate of food was gone. My stomach ached, but I couldn't tell if it was because I'd had too much or not enough._

_"What was this?" I asked, looking at him._

_He rolled his shoulders._

_"Rabbits. I've been killing them lately."_

_"... why?"_

_"Fun. Usually I make art with the entrails, but I figured I'd cook it for you."_

_Oh. Well, shit. Little baby psychopath on my hands? That was a first. He picked up his head._

_"What happened to you?"_

_Could I really trust him?... He had helped me and he seemed genuine. I shrugged, avoiding eye-contact._

_"A little bird screwed me over..."_

_"Hm. Do you want to talk about it?"?_

_I looked at him, chewing my lip thoughtfully. My lips twitched up. I guess if I wasn't giving specific information, it was okay, right?_

_"I used to call him Karasu. The name just kind of fit, y'know? It means raven... He has an amazing voice, his hair reminds me of a bird's head, his entire face is so bird-like and he has this crazy little birthmark... I dunno. He really is just- a raven. I don't know if I can explain it."_

_He searched my face for a second, his head tilting watching the fire, the flames reflecting in his onyx eyes._

_"Nice. Raven feathers are some of the most amazing I've ever seen... there's something poetic about them. Truly artistic... Do you actually care about him?"_

_Did I care about him? I didn't 'love' him. Not in the traditional sense... I loved him the way a cat loved her mouse. He was my first chase, the first target that I really had to get invested in. I knew things about him no one else knew and the same went around. When I didn't answer, he cocked his head until I snorted._

_"Well, one thing's for sure. I'm not giving his name to Ross. If he dies, it's going to be by **my** hand. No one tries to kill me and get away with it."_

_The strange boy grinned, admiration sparking behind his eyes._

_"When you're feeling better, do you want to go raven hunting? Just to blow off some of that steam?"_

_"... That'd be nice. Thank you."_

* * *

Light's perspective

I sighed, rolling off of Mikami. Swiping my hair back, I cracked my neck, stretching out all of my muscles. Holding my face between his hands, he kissed me softly on the lips, eyes shining adoringly. 

"You're so perfect," he whispered reverently.

Honestly, I'd never been too keen on the whole 'lover worships their other lover' notion. But in that moment, I had to admit that it was nice. Huh, I was wary when I first met him, always on-edge and ready for people to have ulterior motives... It didn't seem like he had any. He just genuinely cared. Mikami leaned in, brushing strands of black hair excitedly out of his face.

"Hey Light, do you want to see something cool?" He asked in a hushed voice. 

"Yeah, why the Hell not?"

I stretched, fully aware that his eyes were scanning me, his pupils dilating. Slipping on a robe, I waited patiently for him to get dressed too. This little house tucked between two large apartment complexes was tiny in comparison to the rest of Paris. But it was homey and cozy. The perfect definition of small yet sweet. 

He led me out to his editing room. A place filled with computers and cases upon cases of cds containing original sounds. A few instruments were strewn in the corners, but it looked like he stuck mostly with technological music. He dug around one of his drawers, producing earbuds and instructed me to put one in an ear while he put in the other. I did, trying to keep the smile off of my face at how excited he looked. Mikami intertwined his fingers in mine. His palms were warm, making me sigh.

"This is my- my magnum opus, if you will. I've worked on this piece for months, trying to tweak and perfect it. It's still not done, but, Light... I've never felt this way about anyone before, I feel like I can trust you. And I know you'll understand."

I bit my lip, scanning his face. Although I had dated in the past, no one had ever said that to me before... it sent my chest twisting in a million different directions, trying to decipher how I felt about the wide-eyed handsome man in front of me. Heat rose up my cheeks.

"Yeah, yeah, you sap. Play the song."

I froze when he hit play.

S-screaming.

Gurgling.

Crying.

My entire body locked, all of my systems coming to a screeching halt. _What the fuck?_ I looked at him, but his eyes were closed, swaying to the sounds of what must've been over a dozen people dying. His mouth was open in pleasure, his head tipped back. My heart raced, vision blurring.

 _What the fuck_...

Before I could register it, Mikami pulled me into a deep, almost suffocating kiss, holding the back of my head. I quivered, my eyes darting. It felt like the kiss was sucking my very soul out, along with the frightened sounds surrounding me. Everything felt distant and discombobulated. A girl shrieked so horribly that if it could, my blood would literally curdle, the sound making my stomach turn. There was so much pain and anguish... my eyes misted. _These were peoples' last moments_. _Holy-... t-this was their last moments_!

It slowly died down and faded, the last sound being someone's ragged, squeaky breath. W-was I shaking? I was vaguely aware that Mikami was holding me in a tight hug, lips attached to my neck. I flinched when he gently sucked on the soft part of my skin, languidly dragging his tongue up my windpipe before pecking my nose.

"I love you so much," he breathed.

 _I wish I was in Japan_.

"I-I... I love you too. Wow, Teru. You made this all by yourself?"

 _I want my Mom... Dad... I-I want Sayu! I want them! I want to see them!_ It was impossible, of course, but a part of me expected Dad to come busting into the house with the NPA, ready to save me. 

I took a pause, steadying myself, "You're composing is unparalleled to anyone else. I'm honored to meet a legend before he becomes one."

Mikami gave a happy sound, pressing his forehead against mine. I bit my lip to stop it from quivering.

"I, um, I have to go," I sighed regretfully, "I have work tomorrow and I need to sleep."

"Why don't you sleep here?" He offered with a tender smile. _Aw shit, "_ maybe you could even help me brainstorm other ways to improve the piece?"

"Right... yeah... of course... I'll, I'll get back in bed."

I was _very_ much aware of him following me back into the bedroom, snaking his arms around my back and resting them on my stomach. It took all I had not to squirm. There was a knock at the door. Mikami grumbled, throwing it open and talking to some girl. Something about a basement?

"No. I won't have a chance to play with her until tomorrow," Mikami exclaimed exasperatedly. My eyes widened. _He has someone trapped in the basement?_

The girl on the other side stiffened, her gaze shifting to me. I consciously wrapped the robe tighter around myself. Her nose wrinkled.

"Did you just tell him everything?" She scoffed.

"It's okay. He loves me! Light understands."

Her eyes narrowed, inspecting Mikami quizzically.

"Don't you dare let your dick ruin my opportunity with Karasu-"

"I wouldn't dream of it! You worry too much! Just relax, I'll have my sounds tomorrow!"

She huffed, turning on her heel. I exhaled, slowly sitting on the bed. Mikami shot me bedroom eyes, but I gave a nervous laugh.

"I'd love to, but I really do need to sleep..."

"Oh. Okay, yeah. No problem."

A shiver ran over my body as he cuddled against me. I felt dirty. Disgusting. I'd had sex with this guy... sex with a monster. My throat closed on me, my entire body shaking. 

Home... I just wanted to go home.

* * *

"L!" Your voice rose an octave, " _wake up_!"

It wouldn't be so scary if he was sleeping, but he was simply watching you, his very soul missing. You trembled, looking around. Okay, okay. There had to be something you could do. Stiffening, you glanced down to see the necklace, the sapphire sharp... sharp enough to pick the lock? Maybe...

"L," you rasped, twisting to expose your nape to him, "I-I need you to pull the chain with your teeth. If you pull it hard enough, it'll break, fall, and I could try picking the lock."

"A?" He whimpered, swaying. His head tipped back, a wail ripping through his throat, "A!"

"L! Can. You. Understand me?"

He swallowed, giggling drunkenly and kissing your forehead, his lips cool.

"I love you," he moaned, "I love you so much."

"... I love you too," against your will and fear, a small smile crossed your lips. 

The door opened and your head whirled. Kira stomped down, angrily shoving potato chips in her mouth.

"Goddamn idiot," she grumbled through a mouthful of food.

You watched her warily, not daring to speak up. Kira shook her head, not even looking at you and instead pacing.

"What kind of a goddamn- after everything we've been through! How could he not even _tell_ me that he was telling him?!"

L groaned, looking at her in confusion.

"Kira?..." 

Kira's head whirled in the both of yours' directions. Your breath caught at the pure _anger_ and _spite_ in her eyes as she surged forward. You writhed, your heart jumping. Her lips curling, Kira grabbed the front of your shirt, tugging you harshly. You yelped, shrinking under her glower.

"I wish I could kill you," she hissed, "just to see the raw pain and anguish on L's face."

Next to you, L was leaning against the pipe, his gaze distant and still unfocused. You sputtered, searching blazing amber eyes, your palms sweaty. 

"B-but you can't... I'm Mikami's prize," you added in a growl.

Her entire face twitched, eyes torn. You exhaled shakily. Maybe she didn't care... maybe to her, hurting L was more important than whatever alliance she had with Mikami... Kira glanced at him, her eyes slits.

"You love this woman, don't you?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

L snorted, that drunk expression never leaving his face. He sleepily bobbed his head. Kira looked back at you, her breathing hard. You trembled, just noticing a knife in her hand. 

"K-Kira-"

"Screw it."

She plunged the knife into your sternum.

A scream ripped from your throat. L straightened, still struggling but suddenly much more alert. His face fell in horror.

"No! Y/n! Let her go!"

Kira's eyes snapped in his direction, her lips up as she carefully twisted the knife. White, hot pain flared up from your center, making your mind blank. You couldn't focus on anything else! It felt like you were being ripped apart! You gave out another shriek, your throat tight and aching. There were heavy footsteps and Mikami crashed through the door, his eyes wide in disbelief.

"What the Hell are you doing?! She's _mine_!"

Her hand fell away from the handle, leaving the knife still embedded in your sternum. You whimpered, the world taking on a hazy vibe. L nuzzled your neck, whispering encouragements, but his words wavered and dipped. Kira rounded on Mikami, her voice a low snarl.

"You know how long I've wanted to have L like this! Powerless and suffering until I eventually kill him! He. Loves. Her. How could you just claim something so essential to him?! Greedy bastard!"

Upstairs, you heard a door, presumably the front, slam. Mikami blinked in confusion and Kira shook her head in disgust.

"I'm going to go kill Light before he can speak to the fucking police."

 _Light_? Kira roughly pushed past Mikami, bounding up the stairs two at a time. 

You drew in a ragged breath, curling in on yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Japanese, Karasu means raven and crow (it can be used to mean both).


	22. Right Here

"I can't, I can't focus," L groaned softly, his body moving sluggishly.

You nodded, your throat dry. You understood... you just felt so- so sleepy... 

Blood dripped from the knife, splashing against your fingertips. You had the notion that you wanted the knife out, but the second your fingers touched the handle, L yelled fearfully.

"No!" He gasped, "it's staunching the bleeding. Don't move it!"

"Oh," you giggled weakly, bobbing your head, "okay..." So, what? Suddenly you were stuck with a knife in your sternum?

L shifted, breathing heavily.

"Okay... y-your plan-"

You had a plan. Right, right. His teeth grazed your neck, sending pleasant tingles along your spine.

"When this is over, we have to go to a beach," you mumbled, "and drink out of coconuts with little umbrellas and shit."

L laughed softly, taking the chain of the necklace between his teeth and giving it a hard pull. You almost gagged, sending him a teasing glare. His cheeks flushed.

"Sorry," he winced, trying to take the chain again.

After a few more harsh tugs, it snapped, the necklace hanging from L's teeth. Your eyelids fluttered, a deep exhaustion settling through your bones as he went to work on the locks.

* * *

Light's perspective

I ran. At that moment, it didn't matter where I was going, but I was gone. My phone was still somewhere in Mikami's house, leaving me to just book it. I cursed, my French still rudimentary, and in my blind panic, all of the street signs looked the same. Said the same thing... gibberish.

That girl was following me... I know she was. Maybe even Mikami too. Skidding around a corner, I crashed and yelped, pain flaring up my arm. Hot tears sprang to the corners of my eyes, my limbs stiff and painful to move. _Home. Mom. Dad. Sayu. I have to make it back to Japan_ -

"You ran away?"

Whimpering, I crawled backwards. Mikami was looming over me, his features twisted sadly. He tilted his head.

"I-I thought you loved me!"

There was a long knife in his hand.

My chest heaved, the tears blurring my vision.

"Please just let me go home," I whispered, "I swear I'll never tell anyone! I just want to go home!"

Mikami sobbed, the knife shaking in his grip.

"Why did you run away from me?!" He wailed, rearing back the knife.

A scream caught in my chest.

A gun fired.

My eyes widened as Mikami's face went slack with shock. There was a bullet wound in the middle of his forehead, a trickle of blood leaking down his skin. He slumped, crumpling onto the pavement. I whirled my head, heart racing. There was an older man and one around my age, both sporting guns. From the looks of it, the younger one had been the one to fire, a thin trail of smoke curling from its barrel. M-Mikami was dead... I just saw him die in front of my eyes... holy crap, I was shaking.

"NO! TERU!" 

I looked in the opposite direction. That girl from the house was standing there, tears rolling down her cheeks. She let out a grieved cry, her body hunching.

The older man stumbled, gazing at her incredulously.

"Kira?..."

Their eyes locked. I exhaled, glancing between them. They knew each other? Who was these two men? Who was she? Kira squeaked in terror, her fingers ghosting over her chest. The old man seemed too stunned to speak. Turning, she dashed, melting into the darkness. He stuck out a commanding finger.

"Don't let her escape, B!"

'B' glanced at the old man in annoyance, but didn't say anything, tearing after her. I looked down at Mikami's body, his onyx eyes stuck open. Covering my ears, I hung my head, trembling. _Home... home, home, home, home, home_.

"Son... that girl, do you know where she was operating from?"

Numbly, I nodded.

"P-people. T-there are people in the basement. There's screaming. A-and choking. In bed with a monster, I-I'm in bed with a monster..." _I can feel the cotton sheets. It used to smell nice, like jasmine, but right now it's tainted with blood. His arm's around me_ -

A high-pitched whine escaped my throat. It felt like my mind was ripping apart at the seams. I was vaguely aware of the older man tenderly touching my shoulder, sighing heavily.

"Listen to me, Son. You'll be alright. But I need you to tell me where the people in the basement are."

* * *

You groaned when L slung your arm around his shoulder, supporting you on your feet. L touched his temple to yours.

"It's going to be okay, we're going to get you to a hospital."

All you could do was nod, your legs weak. Everything was spinning. Fuck... you felt so tired...

He lugged you, grunting with the effort. L was skinny and although he had lean muscles, he couldn't support you. You slumped, almost falling. He gasped, catching you and deciding it was better to stretch you across the ground. 

"Y/n? Can you hear me? Are you conscious?"

You whimpered, your lip quivering. Why you? Why did people want to hurt you? What had you ever done to deserve-... a low wail built up in your chest, all the events and fear swirling together and making you shrink. Your mind strained, almost cracking under the pressure. The horror. L wrapped his arms around you, passing long fingers over your scalp. You were rattling in his grip, your teeth chattering together. Maybe if you pretended that everything was okay, you'd wake up in your bedroom, nestled in his arms? But-

"Blood. There was so much blood," you mumbled.

"I know," his voice wavered, pressing lovingly into your hair, "I'm so sorry you had to see that... had to experience all of this... I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, stay here. I'll look for a phone."

"No!" Panic clawed up your brain at the thought of being alone. He looked at you with his large grey eyes, his body stock-still. You shivered, feeling like a little kid. The sluggish logical part of your brain knew that it was important that he call for help, but your knuckles were white with how hard you gripped his sleeve, your illogical side winning out, "please don't leave me alone. I don't want to be alone! Please don't leave-"

His eyes darted around your face, your desperation. You didn't want him to leave...

"Okay, okay. I'll... I'll stay."

Your grasp on his hand tightened, your blood leaving stains on his porcelain skin. L himself was shaking, looking over your wound. You shuddered, Kira's vengeful face flashing in your brain. Everything hurt... oh God, why you? It was quiet, the silence unsettling. After all the noise and the sounds of your pulse racing, the quiet made you want to shrivel. Disappear into the void.

" _L?!_ "

" ** _Watari! Down here! Hurry! We need help!_** "

You opened your eyes meekly to see B, Light and Watari crashing through the door. B and Light froze in their tracks. B's mouth fell open in a gape.

"Bloody Christ."

Hm? Oh, even with the knife stopping most of it, you were laying in a puddle of your own blood, was that why? It was warm and sticky, coating your hair.

Watari's eyes steeled determinedly. Pushing past B and Light, he sped-walked briskly, steely blue eyes scanning you. You were shocked when you saw inklings of worry in his gaze. L was breathing heavily, looking up at the old man from the ground pleadingly.

"Help," he rasped, the fear palpable in his tone. You weren't sure if you'd ever heard him sound like that.

"My son," Watari's own voice was cracked with emotion. He quickly buried it though, rushing to your side, "Light, call an ambulance. B, stand guard. L, I'll need you to assist."

You stared up at the ceiling. It felt like you were swimming, like you weren't in control of your body. You weren't even crying... you-you didn't feel anything. Did your face go slack? Watari's voice sounded far away. Kira- Mikami- using people's last moments as music- it was so much. 

"Shock and trauma. L, I need you to hold pressure to her sternum."

Soft hands with long fingers pressed a cloth to your sternum. You breathed raggedly, feeling a flash of relief that you knew it was L. That he was right there.

"Kira's alive," L said urgently.

"I know. She escaped, but B managed to neutralize Mr. Teru Mikami from the music hall."

"He's the Ribbon Raven Killer," L conceded, his voice still on the edge of panic.

Watari leaned over you, his edges fuzzy.

"Y/n, can you hear me?"

"L- L?" Did he leave?!

"I'm right here," he murmured, cool lips touching your forehead. 

Leaning into him, the world dipped in and out until you went unconscious.

* * *

L's perspective

I stood in front of her door, looking through the small window into her room. Her back was to me, her body curled in a fetal position. My throat bobbed, my eyes misted. The doctors had told me that the trauma might change her... just the thought sent me reeling.

Watari gently touched my shoulder, his face grave.

"I'm sorry. I know how much you love her," he croaked, "we've already contacted Daedra and she's on her way."

"I... I just want her to be okay..."

He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly, nodding.

"Son... there's something we have to talk about."

My eyes slid in his direction. He inhaled deeply.

"Kira is still at large. It's not safe for you in France anymore. I've made arrangements for us to go to Belgium so we could at least be close but not in the same country as her. Y/n... she'll have to stay here until her wounds have healed enough. Then we can talk about where she can go."

"... You just want to leave her here?"

"She's not well enough to transport."

What?... 

"But Kira's in France! You know Y/n will be the first person she goes after!"

"But you'll be safe," he replied cooly. His voice had a finality to it, saying he wouldn't accept argument, "she'll be well-guarded."

"B-but I need to protect her!"

"You can't," Watari said sharply, "look what happened, Son. Kira could've easily killed you. You have a concussion and according to the doctor, it's a miracle that you don't have a brain-bleed."

Her voice swirled in my brain, begging me not to go. To stay.

"She's scared and hurt... She needs me-"

"The jet is already prepared. We're leaving now."

He still wasn't listening to me.

I looked at him, my entire body trembling. It felt like everything was crashing together, my skin cold and clammy, stress picking at my brain as my arms wrapped around myself defensively, the thought of just leaving making my knees buckle and sweat prickle the back of my neck. This was better. It seemed like being around me was bringing her nothing but misery. Sighing, I nodded, my head tilted down. Watari was already starting to walk. My feet trudged, heart jumping uncomfortably. It was okay. I was doing this for her own good...

But... she hadn't wanted me to go... _Please don't leave_. 

She needed me.

Something washed over me. 

I stopped, looking up at him.

''No."

Watari faltered, his eyes wide.

"What?"

I squared my shoulders, meeting his eyes seriously, my voice confident.

"I'm done."

He seemed stunned, a myriad of emotions flashing over his face.

"L-"

"I said I'm done."

 _All he ever used me for was my brain. All he ever cared about was keeping his asset safe. I've spent my entire childhood and young adult life as a puppet. For him, for Interpol, for everyone_.

_I'm done._

Turning, I started walking for her room. 

"Son-"

"I'm not your son."

Ignoring anything else he said, I slipped into the hospital room, breathing out. My heart was racing, electricity traveling through my fingertips. But through it all... freedom... I closed my eyes, my mouth falling open.

Freedom.

I was free... My knees almost gave out on me, but I managed to move, each step away from the door as terrifying as it was exhilarating. 

You were staring at your pillow. The door opened and you assumed it was a doctor, not bothering to shift. Everything felt off... like something was wrong with you, but you couldn't identify what. A piece of you missing. The bed sank, making you blink. L-? As if answering your question, a thin, pale arm draped over your abdomen, softly drawing circles on your stomach. You sniffed, wiping at your nose.

"With um, with Kira still around, I thought they'd move you to a safe location..."

In fact, you'd been sure of it. It seemed like the most logical step and after all... you were- you were deemed less important than him. L sidled closer, his breath warm on your neck. 

"I'd never just leave you like that," he rumbled.

The words sent your entire body crushing, shrinking in on itself. He was staying? Against your will, you cried, your stomach heaving and a lump so large in your throat that it was hard to breathe. L tightened the hug like a blanket, holding his lips to your temple. The tears just kept coming, drowning out all of your thoughts until you were sobbing loudly, digging your fingers into his arm.

"I'm right here," he whispered.


	23. Reunions and Promises

You were crying, unable to stop it, all of the stress building up in your brain. L passed a finger over the back of your neck, humming softly. You bit your lip, trying to hear him... Gaeta's Lament... a sad smile broke across your lips. It felt like so long ago, back when you didn't know his name and he was nervous about singing. L tucked a few strands of your hair away from your face,

" _Alone she sleeps, in the shirt of man. With my three wishes clutched in her hand... The first that she be spared the pain that comes from a dark and laughing rain..."_

The hospital room was so quiet, making L's voice sound louder than it actually was. Leaning into him, the tears slowly stopped as he sang quietly under his breath, his low register calming you. 

The two of you fell asleep, you tucked in his body heat, his heartbeat soothing. Here, it was almost easy to forget about Kira. About insane serial killers and disapproving adoptive fathers. Here, it was just you and L... his nose buried in your neck and exhaling warm breaths.

"Ma'am, if you don't step away, I'm afraid I'll have to take you into custody."

L groaned, his shifting making you wake up. You blinked against the harsh sunlight, squinting when it bounced off the white walls.

"Well, it seems like we've come to a stalemate. You want to me to leave and I'm not."

Your brow furrowed. No way.

"Ma'am, we have orders not to let anyone in this room-"

"Is that why there's a man in a skimpy hospital gown caressing my sister?"

You snorted, a breath of life returning to your body. After everything that happened... Daedra... L tripped out of the bed, scratching at his hair, even more messy than usual, an explosion around his scalp. The bandage they'd tied where Kira had hit him just seemed to make his hair somehow even more chaotic. He yawned, sliding the hospital door open.

"Mm, it's quite alright. What's your name?"

"Daedra L/n."

"Yeah, I figured. Let her in."

You hissed, struggling to turn your body with the dull ache from your bandages. Daedra gaped, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Hey, Bun," you grinned weakly.

She looked a lot like you, her eyes the same, her hair a shade lighter. Daedra's eyes misted as she crossed to your side, enveloping you. You trembled, inhaling her scent. Familiarity. Love... home... Wrapping your arms around her, you smiled serenely. 

"Don't you ever do that to me again," her voice wavered, "I was so scared for you..."

You chuckled, squeezing her hand.

"Pfft, I do what I want," you joked.

She rolled her eyes dramatically, tenderly fluffing your pillow. Turning, Daedra rose an eye at L. He was crouched in one of the seats, watching silently and intently. Daedra pursed her lips.

"You the asshole who used my sister for bait?"

L winced and you shook your head, touching her wrist.

"We worked it out."

Daedra still wrinkled her nose, crossing her arms. She scanned L slowly, nodding thoughtfully to herself.

"If you hurt her, I swear to God-"

"I would never," he cut off definitively, his gaze meaningful.

She faltered, not saying anything at first. Daedra took a cautious step in L's direction, drumming her fingers until a bright smile graced her lips. Seeing it made your chest hum happily, made you feel safe. L blinked, obviously not expecting such a reaction. Daedra's head craned towards you, worry instantly flashing in her gaze. 

"Y/n, you want some lunch?"

"Fuck yes. I'm starving."

Daedra held out a hand for L. He glanced at it warily, gingerly taking it and yelping when he was pulled to his feet. Satiated that he was in your good graces, Daedra's features were friendly, open and welcoming. 

"Come with me. I've got to examine you!"

A loud snort escaped your throat. You knew exactly how that'd go down. L would be a curious lab experiment until she decided she'd had enough of keeping the poor guy under a microscope. Now when that would happen was up for debate. L cried out in surprise when she pulled him out of the room, his feet practically flying off of the floor. You leaned your head back against the pillow, fiddling nervously with your thumbs. Kira was still out there... somewhere. Waiting for one slip-up. One chink in the armor to slip through and wreak havoc. What if she already knew where you were? N-no... Watari would make sure the hospital was secure. 

You'd overheard people talking. Mikami was dead. Technically, the Ribbon Raven Murders were solved and closed. If L was still here... did he quit? The thought sent you reeling, knowing on a certain level that it was true. You bit at your lip. Anyone would hate being so controlled, but did he hate detective work itself? You hummed to yourself thoughtfully, settling back down.

Light...

Your eyes popped. The last you heard, he was being treated for shock. Apparently Mikami had tapes of people screaming. A shudder went up your spine, grateful you'd never heard Mikami's 'music'. 

Struggling to the wheelchair, you grunted, moving into the hallway. The guard trailed you from behind, keeping enough of a distance so you didn't feel so watched. 

Knocking softly on Light's door, your brow furrowed when you didn't hear a response. One of the passing doctors looked up from his clipboard.

"He's still in shock. We're hoping he'll snap out of it soon enough-" he opened the door for you and you froze.

It was true, Light was curled up in a fetal position, staring at the pillow. You pushed the wheelchair closer, your lips twitching sadly.

"Hey..."

Light drew in a sharp breath, amber eyes sluggishly going over you. There was something so broken that made your heart twist. He swallowed, not answering at first. You moved a few inches closer and he shivered, holding onto his arms. 

"I feel so dirty," he mumbled, "I- I had _sex_ with that-that _thing_. And I wanted it... I-I thought I was falling for him."

You opened your mouth to answer, but he twisted around, giving you his back. _He really was... he doesn't to grieve, but a part of him is._ His voice was small.

"They all sounded so scared. And you- you would've ended up as just another scream..." 

Touching his shoulder, your heart cracked when he flinched, sniffling. Your fingers ghosted to the bandages on your chest.

"Someone hurt me, just to get to Ryuzaki-"

"I know he's L. The old man was saying that in the basement."

Your lips quirked, "heh, you're pretty preceptive."

Light huffed out a small laugh, nodding. You inhaled.

"Someone hurt me just to hurt L... that feels so... I don't know... it's like I wasn't even a person. Just a means to an end... hm, at least with Mikami, he wanted to kill me for me," you giggled weakly, you shoulder shaking with the effort of not breaking down.

It didn't work and your shoulder hunched, tears sliding down the bridge of your nose. Light's eyes softened. 

"You want to talk about it?"

* * *

Daedra wouldn't take her eyes off of me, scanning my head.

"What happened to you?"

I pressed on the bandage self-consciously.

"Gash from a pipe."

"Hm. So how'd you meet my sister?"

Without looking at her, I glanced over the various sandwiches, wrinkling my nose. It was probably best if I started eating healthier- nope. I grabbed a bag of cookies. 

"One-night stand," I murmured, trying to sound casual. 

A part of me was expecting her to react the way Watari had. It was probably best if I prepared myself to be hated.

Daedra's eyes widened excitedly though.

"Oh my God, and then the both of you fell in love?! That's so romantic!"

My eyes widened. Seriously? Huh... okay...

She kept asking questions and I struggled to keep up, swirling a thumb around my lips. Daedra was so inquisitive, I wasn't sure how long I could evade talking about my personal life. Although, if I'd quit, did I really need to worry about it anymore? At the very least, I wouldn't have to worry about our protection disappearing. Watari and I may be at odds, but he'd still never just leave me out in the open to fend for myself. That I was sure of.

"By the way, that guy by the vending machine's been watching you ever since we came into the cafeteria."

I stopped, glancing subtly over my shoulder and wincing. B. How did Daedra notice him? As far as I knew, she hadn't taken her eyes off of the sandwiches! Her eyes glinted mischievously.

"You pick up a thing or two," she said cryptically, as if reading my mind, "this guy... you know him? Is he a friend or enemy?"

"Not a friend... but not an enemy either," _hopefully_ , I silently added, "I'll- go talk to him."

Daedra tilted her head, looking ready to protest, but I was already moving in B's direction. His frayed blond hair hung over his eyes, masking his gaze. B crossed his arms, moving out of the cafeteria, silently beckoning me to follow him to a more private area.

The hallway was long and empty, giving me a foreboding feeling. B swept his hair away from his face, looking at me with striking grey eyes. My breath caught. He looked so... sad. He shook his head ruefully.

"How could you not tell me about Kira?" He exclaimed, "my brother almost died and I never _knew_. Why'd you let me give you such a hard time over the years? Blaming you for not being there when A died, making fun of your 'breakup'. Why didn't you tell me any of it?"

I didn't answer at first, the memories from that night swirling in my brain. My knees felt weak and unsteady, the world tipping uneasily.

"I'm going back to my room-"

"Oh, no you're not! We're doing this, L! Right here and now!"

"I was broken," I whispered before I could stop myself.

B's eyes snapped in my direction.

"What?"

"Spent and broken," tears prickled the corners of my eyes, stinging, "I felt so _ashamed_ of myself. You always looked up to me, how could I show myself as some broken, human kid to you? I wasn't _supposed_ to break. I was always supposed to be the unbreakable genius... I love you, B. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts and you'll never know how sorry I am that I failed you."

My knees really did give out on me and I slid to them, hanging my head pleadingly. A lump had formed in my throat, making my breathing choked. He was going to hate me. B would scream in my face and leave. He'd leave me and I'd still be a broken wreck- just a damaged thing that failed everyone.

"I was supposed to protect you. I was supposed to protect A-"

Failure. Why was I such a failure? I squeezed my eyes shut, my chest heaving. Images flashed in my mind, him as a little boy slowly acclimating to Wammy's, healing from the horrors of his foster homes. Never. Not one moment did I actually manage to protect him. All I ever wanted to do was protect him. All I-

B surged to the ground, enveloping me. I let out a high-pitched squeak, too stunned to do anything. Even though he was four years younger than me, he towered over me, making me seem small and frail by comparison.

"L," he croaked, "you didn't fail me, and you didn't fail A... I'm right here. I love you, Ely."

The old nickname made me sag in his grip, my fingers clutching his shoulders. B... my little Bedbug... I passed my fingers through his straw like hair, marveling at how it slipped through my digits both smoothly and roughly. B laughed wryly.

"I guess I'll have to find some way to make my hair black again."

"No, don't," I breathed, tugging on a few strands, "I love it. It reminds me of Mom. You look so much like her."

I squeezed my eyes, remembering soft blood hair mixed with cool grey eyes. Sometimes, it was hard remembering what her face looked like. But now that B had blond hair, it was almost easy. Like all I had to do was look at him to be reminded. Now it was B's turn to shake. He'd been too young to remember our parents, relying on old photos and having to fill in the blanks himself. He gently pulled me so we were both sitting against the wall, me resting my cheek on his shoulder. We simply sat like that, leaning against each other, our legs stretched out. B squeezed me.

"We're all we have," B whispered, "the last ones who remember Mom and Dad and-and A. L, I need to hear that you won't shut me out."

My lip quivered.

"I promise."


	24. Mischievous Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Semi-public sex? Basically trying not get caught lmao.

At some point while you were with Light, L, B and Daedra made their way to the room, arms laden with lunch and treats. Daedra beamed.

"Must say, big sis, I approve!" She declared, pounding L's back.

L yelped, almost dropping the food. B snorted, swiping a finger through a jar of jam.

"Yo, Ely, don't you dare fuck things up with Y/n, she's way too good for you as it is," but there was a gentle teasing behind it.

Your cheeks burned as Light rose an eyebrow. He looked over L.

"Ely?" 

L deflated, "if you laugh, I'll kick you."

Light chuckled, holding up his hands peacefully. Your chest swelled. It was nice seeing him laugh. Hopping to the chairs, B stretched out, tipping the jar back in his mouth.

"So what are we going to do about Kira?"

That made everyone shift uncomfortably, the mood scattered. Daedra's eyes darted, looking like she wanted to ask about this 'Kira', but didn't want to get in the middle. Relatable. You nibbled on a bagel thoughtfully until L sighed.

"I suppose the best thing to do would be to smoke her out. Have her make herself vulnerable... but I honestly don't see how we can do that. She's not an impulsive person. She won't come after Y/n or I if she knows she can't get away."

Hm... have Kira make herself vulnerable? You scratched at you chin thoughtfully. L shook his head, massaging the area just under where his patch was.

"I suggest we all get some rest and reconvene in a few hours. Kira will come after us, but not now. She's still trying to assess the situation."

"And it sounded like she was genuinely torn when Mikami died," Light whispered.

No one responded to that. 

You started pushing your wheelchair towards your room, but L stepped around, thin lips tugged up tenderly.

"Allow me?" His low voice purred.

You licked at your lip, straightening and pretending to act regal and dignified.

"You may, good sir."

L huffed a soft laugh, standing behind your chair and gripping the handles. Daedra looked like she wanted to follow, but ultimately smirked.

"I'll stay here with these two," she gave B a sideways glance, "potential brother-in-law? Is that how it works?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the term," B replied breezily, an impish grin on his mouth, "good to meet my next partner-in-crime, Little Sis."

Your and L's cheeks burned bright red as L practically threw the wheelchair towards your room. The second he closed the door, the both of you burst out laughing, doubling over. He wheezed, breathy and snorting, pushing his bangs away from his face.

"Those two are going to make our lives a living Hell," he squeaked in-between laughs.

Your stomach was aching, unable to breathe. Hissing out and trying to calm yourself, you giggled. The thought of Daedra and B causing trouble made you crack up all over again. L paused, staring at you fondly, sighing quietly. You met his eyes, your heart doing small flips. He blinked, his fingers ghosting over your bandages.

"Do they hurt?"

You shrugged, not wanting to admit that there was always a little sting, even with the pain medication. 

"I'm okay," you assured him, intertwining your fingers with his. 

L gaped, squeezing gently on your hand. His large eyes sparked with a spot of mischief.

"The doctor doesn't come for another two or three hours, right?"

Instantly, your blood went hot. The heat flushed through your entire system. Beaming, you pecked your lips against his cheek. The skin was smooth, sending a thrill up your spine. Turning your head so your lips were an inch from his, you hummed to yourself.

"That's right... and I think Daedra and B are giving us some... alone... time."

L's gaze sparked. You were a bit surprised by his boldness, sighing happily when enveloped you, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder. He softly nibbled the skin, making you moan and throw your head back, fingertips pulsing with energy and electricity.

"L-" you groaned, gripping his arm.

He puckered his lips and you thought you might become a puddle then and there. As you leaned into the lips, you faltered, your brow scrunched. His breathing was slightly different than what you recognized. Pulling away, your breath caught seeing his red eyes. L blinked, quickly adverting them and chuckling lightheartedly.

"I-"

"Are you okay?"

L winced, holding his arms around you almost protectively. You swayed in his grip, taking in his sharp features, his grey clouds stormy and dark.

"I was worried about losing you," he whispered, "I'm still worried about losing you... Kira's out there somewhere and I don't know how to find her."

"Hey." You pressed your palm against his face, swiping your thumb underneath his eyes. He leaned into and nuzzled your touch. You smiled, "like you said, she won't attack tonight. It's not like there's much we can do... a couple of hours _alone together_ isn't going to be the end of the world. We'll figure it out."

L face brightened. He touched your chin in awe, tracing your jawline.

"You're right," he murmured, "... I love you."

Your eyes misted, the words more sincere than any guy who'd said them to you. Tilting your face upwards, L stole a passionate kiss, his tongue working throughout your mouth. A groan vibrated in your chest, your arms wrapping around his neck and somehow managing to push him even closer in the kiss. He led you backwards until the bed met your back and you were looking up at pale features, at long fingers skimming around your jaw and neck.

His neck craned downwards, tongue flicking over your windpipe. You gasped, arching into his exploring mouth. L's hand glided under your shirt, carefully avoiding the bandages and pressing down on one of your nipples. You let out a high-pitched squeak, digging your fingers into his shoulder. He pinched and kneaded it, his breath quickening.

"God, I love you," he growled, a deep huskiness vibrating your body.

A grin worked up your lips. You weren't sure if anyone had ever loved you like this. Someone who... someone who... you blinked, abruptly coming down from your high. Touching the sides of his face, you forced him to look at you.

"Is this what you want?" You whispered.

He cocked his head, eyes dancing.

"To make love to you in a hospital room with the potential danger and excitement of being caught? Yes. That is, in fact what I would like. Would you?"

Rolling your eyes, you huffed out a laugh. 

"That's not what I mean... and you know it. Did you ever like being a detective?"

L's gaze flickered, sadness making his face drawn and older than it really was. He was still stretched on top of you, his body pressing against yours, the muscles poking at you through the rather weak gowns. For the longest time, L didn't answer, just stared down at your face.

"The first murder I solved was my parents'," he breathed, swallowing thickly, "it left me with a such a rush. I felt untouchable... for a long time, I thought detective work was my calling. It might still be, but with all the people around me- all the purpose got sucked out of it. All the meaning and the rushes of excitement." He tenderly brushed your hair away from your face, "I don't want to be a robot who just does one thing for my entire life, never making connections or trying new experiences. I want to feel alive." 

Your eyes misted. Bringing him back down, you kissed him, the kiss a sweet assurance on both sides. He gripped your hair, licking at your lips in need. You responded with a mewl, latching your nails, sure you were leaving indentations. His other hand slowly traveled down, slipping under the gown. A throaty sound caught in your throat, your mind instantly blanking from the way his finger curled and rubbed, so agonizingly slowly and gentle that it made you whine.

"L," you complained, bucking your hips. Fuck, why was he going so slow?

He smiled into your neck and your eyes narrowed. _The bastard's doing it on purpose_! But you couldn't say anything, even your very thoughts were scattered when he pushed the digit deep, your walls clenching around him. Your toes flexed and curled, nerves burning.

"Need you," you gasped, your limbs shaking as the knot tightened in your stomach.

L added a second finger and you cried out, the knot tightening and breaking, static filling your mind. You threw your head against the pillow, panting. L drank in your sounds, his fingers still buried, his wrist rocking. Holding his forehead to yours, he looked at you with large, saucer eyes, blown black with lust.

"I suppose we'll have to be quiet," he warned with a twinkling expression, challengingly teasing, "we wouldn't want your sounds to attract anyone."

Your eyes narrowed at the playful jab. He fluttered his lashes innocently. The thought of someone even knocking on the door made your fingers buzz. Holding onto his chin, you snorted.

"I guess that depends on how well you do your job."

"Ooh." His brow quirked, trying to think of a comeback.

When he couldn't, he settled on top, twirling your hair around his finger. In one swift motion, he entered, his eyes rolling back. You gripped his hips, sinking your teeth into your tongue to keep from crying out in pleasure. He was so full, like the two of you just fit together. L waited for you to adjust, your limbs trembling in anticipation. Resting your forehead on his shoulder, you nodded for him to go, clenching at his back. He gripped your sides, exhaling shakily.

L moved slowly at first, grinding and gyrating downwards. He slowly picked up speed, ever mindful to keep you in a position that didn't mess with your bandages. Your eyes glazed over, unable to focus on anything else but his soft grunts You arched, your thighs quivering with the force.

"Oh, God, L," you rasped.

He scratched down your sides, earning him your needy croak. It was all building, a pressure just below your skin and making you warm. A scream built up in your throat. His eyes widened as he kissed you, practically inhaling your sound. You held onto him, both of your hips jerking and thrusting against each other as he spilled, letting out a throat noise a mix of a growl, gasp and sigh. L stroked your outer-thigh, leaving goosebumps as he sporadically jerked, riding out the orgasm. You twisted your neck to gaze at him, your eyes wide and trying to stop the giggle.

"What the fuck, I can't believe we just did this," you said in disbelief. The careful, composed detective taking this kind of risk? Well, it wasn't like you were going to complain. 

L was breathing heavily but he nodded, his hair sticking to the back of his neck. It was a handsome sight, messy in just the right ways that framed his slender features. L's teeth grazed down your cheek, his member still sunk to the hilt.

"We still have some time before we have to reconvene with the others," he mumbled breathlessly, "would you... like to not get caught some more?"

Shifting your body sensually, you squeezed yourself around his member. His eyes lidded, mouth falling open.

"I'd love to." 

* * *

I tipped the bottle back into my mouth. Ever since Teru was killed and realized as the murderer, the house was swarming with cops. I didn't have a place to stay. Staring at the fire, I shrank, hugging my knees close to my chest. No doubt Y/n was in a hospital. Whether L was still with her or had been taken to a secure location was up for debate. Normally, I wouldn't touch this situation with a ten foot pole. Too many variables could go wrong. Too many guards and employees willing to give their lives to protect the detective. 

Standing up, I roared, throwing the bottle across the junkyard. It smashed, scattering into thousands of tiny pieces. Swaying, I cackled at the fire, Teru' face filling my mind. The only person in this world who I remotely cared about. Gone. I needed to get to them while I still knew where they were... how... my eyes lit up with a plan.

It was devious. Perfect.


	25. Smoking Gun

"How are you feeling?" L asked worriedly, standing about a foot away.

You waved an unconcerned hand, but still hissed when you tried moving without the wheelchair. Okay, so it hurt. You almost stumbled, but L caught you. He breathed out, lean muscles straining with the effort to support you.

"Pretty soon, you'll be healed enough to travel," L mumbled encouragingly.

You nodded excitedly. Belgium sounded nice. Safe. The sooner the both of you could get to a different country, the better. It'd been a week. Light had been discharged not too long ago, but he was staying in France until you were well enough to travel, wanting to see you off.

B and Daedra had fought valiantly, but it was currently past visiting hours. L offered to call Watari to pull some strings, but B held up a hand.

"The longer you're away from that asshole, the better."

L smiled gratefully. 

With each passing day, a small ball of dread in your chest grew and grew until you were paranoid that Kira might be in the bathroom every time you turned on the light. Every corner and shadow harbored her, her smile crocodilian and waiting. A shiver went up your spine and you swayed, already starting to lose your balance. Not really being able to move for a whole week ensured that this small exertion made you exhausted. L gasped, quickly catching and helping you back to the wheelchair. He smiled, but for all his abilities to hide his emotions, you could see the worry and fear behind it.

"That was pretty good progress..." He stretched, his lanky limbs twisting. You watched the muscles on his abdomen tighten, the corners of your lips twitching. Sighing, L brought his arms back down.

"Dinner?"

"That'd be nice, thanks. I'll take... whatever looks the least gross."

L laughed, pushing his bangs out of his face. _Goddamnit, why are you so handsome_? L kissed you slowly. He didn't like the sweets in the hospital, meaning his thin lips were starting to lose that taste, but you didn't mind. They were soft and amazing.

"I'll be right back," he whispered, "you want to play chess when I do?"

"You just want to play chess because it's late and I'm tired so you'll win," you accused playfully.

He smirked, smoothing a few strands away from your face.

"Movie then?"

"Sounds good," you beamed, nuzzling his nose. L sighed, looking like he didn't want to go downstairs, his lips peppering up your jaw. You moaned, pushing the area closer to his mouth. L teasingly leaned back, his eyes sparking seductively.

"I'll be right back," he rumbled, leaving the room.

You pushed yourself towards the bed, cursing at how useless you felt. Your chest still stung and throbbed, every movement reminding you of the knife being plunged. 

It was hard to believe someone could be this vindictive and cruel.

Turning on your side, you hissed out a pained breath. It'd be alright. Soon, you'd be going to Belgium and you'd feel much more secure. Exhaling harshly, you looked around the white walls. Huh, this place really was both your salvation and a prison... boredom took over and your eyes slipped shut.

Kira's perspective

I slunk, my lips curling. It was easy avoiding hospital security to get to the surveillance room. Hell, it was easy finding this nurse's outfit. The poor dear was tied up, slowly bleeding out in a place where it would be impossible to find her. Peering into the surveillance room, I grinned. Three men? That was it? I took them out in about a minute. The last one was on the floor, blood spraying out of his neck. He looked up at me with large, terrified eyes. Smiling sweetly, I slashed the blade across his throat again, watching his eyes go distant and empty. 

Pathetic.

The real challenge would be L's personal security. Highly trained elite secret service who wouldn't hesitate to shoot if they perceived me a threat. My fingers flew across the keyboard, my teeth sinking into my lip thoughtfully.

Okay, bingo.

There was L leaving a room. Two of four guards at the door trailed him about thirty feet behind. The room was... His or hers? Considering that half of the security actually stayed by the doors, I had to assume hers. No doubt L had told them to be extra vigilant for her seeing how she was injured. A thrill of excitement went through my stomach. It felt so good... the knife, the squelch when it entered. A serene smile crossed my lips. _I'm doing this for you, Teru_. 

Your perspective

The dream was pretty nice. L was on top of you, his skin warm and pulsing. His tongue rolled in your mouth, steely grey eyes soft and loving. He tenderly touched the side of your face, fingers lingering on your skin.

You gasped, abruptly pulled out of sleep by a blaring alarm. Fire? Instant suspicion flared in your stomach. How convenient that the fire alarm went off just a minute or two after L left your side. But... it's not like you could stay there... on cue, you heard the guards barking to a doctor, something that this wasn't secure and the doctors responding that a fire alarm was a Code 1 priority. 

Moving into the wheelchair, you looked around in awe at the large, intimidating crowd. It was organized, but the hallway was still flooded with patients, some of which couldn't walk. Doctors stood off to the side, keeping order and peace. Even with that, you could tell the two guards were still getting antsy, no doubt missing the other two. You knew the feeling, wishing L was by your side. They stayed tightly to you, a large hand gripping your shoulder, as if you'd magically disappear. Pulling out his walkie-talkie, the guard kept eyeing the crowd suspiciously.

"Copy, copy, how's Alphabet 1 doing? Over."

Against the situation, you snorted.

"Alphabet 1?"

For just a second, his eyes sparked in amusement, but he squashed it when the voice on the other answered.

"Copy. It's harder and less secure getting out of the cafeteria. What about Violin 3?"

"Who's Violin 1 and 2?" You giggled.

He dramatically rolled his eyes, describing the situation of how the hallway was moving at a snail's pace. For how urgent a fire alarm was, it was still difficult moving the entire wing outside at once. You exhaled, trying to shake out your nerves. You were probably just being paranoid... would Kira try something this bold? _Well, she is a bold person_...

Almost as if answering your question, there was a gun shot somewhere from behind.

Any order instantly turned to pandemonium.

You gasped, gripping your wheelchair's handles as those that could walk on their own scattered, fighting to get to the front and towards the stairs, screaming bouncing off the walls. Doctors and nurses were busy with the patients who couldn't move, roaring out orders at each other. The guards cursed. The gun shot came from the left, but the dangerous mob was streaming to the right. One of them started pushing you opposite to the crowd, probably making an executive decision to get you back to the room.

You didn't even realize you were hyperventilating until your vision was swimming, your grip clutching fearfully. All around you, people were screaming, trying to shove each other out of the way to get to the staircase. 

"Um, Andrew?" Your voice wavered as you looked at the guard.

His eyes flashed in alarm, but he shook his head.

"You're safe with us, ma'am."

No sooner had he said it when there was another shot. His eyes widened in surprise, a bullet tearing through his chest. The guard pushing you froze, his face falling in horror as Andrew crumpled. Seeing a guy actually die made the crowd's craziness go from 50 to 100 in a second. Hyperventilation threatened to take over again. You scanned the hallway, but couldn't see Kira... 

"I, I- don't-"

"Our black suits," Bernard answered gruffly, his grip on your wheelchair tight, "look around. Everyone is wearing either white, mint green or baby blue and she waited until after visiting hours... she must be wearing something similar to blend in."

Someone slammed into Bernard, yelping and twisting, trying to get away. Bernard's nostrils flared. 

"If we move back in the direction of the room, I'll probably die," he whispered, "we have to go with the crowd."

You tried not to whimper, nodding. Bernard pushed you into the flow, with people shoving and crying. You shrank, your heart pounding, every nerve in your body wanting L. Daedra... Light... B... Tears threatened to pour down your cheeks as Bernard violently shoved someone out of the way.

"Can you walk down the stairs?" He yelled urgently.

You blinked, your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

"I-I can walk from one side of the room to the other about three or four times before it gets too hard to breathe."

Bernard weighed the information, nodding once and helping you out of the wheelchair. He snarled for the people in the staircase to move, his large and imposing body easily forcing a passage. You grunted, your feet wobbly and exhausted from having practiced before. You faltered, your socks sliding on the granite steps. You cried out as you fell, your fingers slipping from his. Pain shot up your body as your limbs hit hard edges, no doubt leaving bruises. Bernard whirled, trying to catch you, but the mob simply surged downwards, taking him further down the stairs. 

To keep yourself from being trampled, you grasped the railing, your knuckles white with the effort. 

"Bernard!" Your scream got lost in the crowd's noise.

At this point, he'd been swept down a few levels, out of sight. You faltered, looking up and down the stairs. Gritting your teeth, you started walking with the flow again, getting caught up in the pushing. You yelped, trying to regain control or somehow slow down, but they were stampeding, shoving you against the railing and carrying you down. Terror numbed your brain, making your vision blur. All the people seemed to blend together, just a cacophony of sound and pushing bodies.

On the landing, someone grabbed you by the hair. A shriek echoed your throat as you were roughly tossed through a door. You landed hard, your cheek on the ground. Your fingers were trembling, but you managed to push yourself up a little, enough to look around. At this point, this wing was empty, leaving you with a foreboding feeling in your chest. You stayed on the floor, taking in the coolness of the tiles, not wanting to look up. You knew. Of course you knew. You were stuck in a random wing, no guard, exhausted and having difficulty breathing with a madwoman standing over you.

Kira grasped your hair, jerking your head up. You cried out, risking meeting her eyes. They were blazing, dangerous and cold, a venomous smile lighting up her features.

"Oh, Y/n, you had I are going to have a lot of fun."

Her face got closer, the smile taunting. Your eyes narrowed. Adrenaline rushed your veins as you sank your teeth into her nose. A metallic tang coated your tongue. Kira reeled back, shrieking and dropping you. Your body felt like lead. Heavy and dragging. Somehow you struggled to your feet and ran down the wing, throwing yourself around the corner, your chest exploding in pain. It hurt so badly. Your breath was wheezing and your nerves burning, begging you to collapse.

But you didn't stop.


	26. No Choice

L's perspective

The second the fire alarm blared, Jerry and Stanford were by me in a second, large and imposing compared to my thin frame. People crowded around the double doors, trying to find enough space to get out as patients and doctors streamed down the stairs and past the cafeteria. My heart skipped worriedly, clenching Y/n's sandwich a little too tightly. She was up there on the 11th floor... so close yet so far. I could only assume that Bernard and Andrew were taking care of her.

Screaming.

I stiffened, my eyes widening. Stanford exchanged a furtive glance with Jerry, pushing to the doors. Outside, the orderly evacuation had turned into a frenzy, people crying and throwing each other to the ground in a mad scramble.

"What's going on?" He barked, hailing my doctor. 

I grunted, shoving past a few patients to be able to hear. She looked frantic, her hair disheveled and harsh bags under her eyes. She was breathing heavily, eyes shining with raw fear. My stomach dropped nervously.

"Shooter," she panted breathlessly, "On the 11th floor. I think someone died. It's a stampede! The people escaping from the 11th floor made the people the floor above panic, which in turn made the floors below go wild. It's insane..."

The 11th floor... Y/n... I swayed on my feet, my eyes going to the white tiles on the floor. Kira, it could only be Kira. And I was-I was here? Getting a fucking sandwich and a bag of cookies?! Stanford seemed to have the same realization, holding the walkie to his mouth.

"Andrew? Andrew, come in, over."

Silence. My heart echoed in my ears, the cafeteria spinning. Stanford looked at Jerry before speaking again.

"Bernard? Bernard, come in. Over."

A ragged voice! I straightened, my eyes wide.

"Stan? Hey... ugh, where... I got swept up in the mob. They-they were everywhere. I was trying to protect her, but they carried me, stomped on me, kicked me... I think I might have a broken rib. And my ankles in a-a weird angle. But I'll be fine."

Stanford's eyes flashed in alarm, but he nodded seriously.

"And you don't know where Violin 3 is?"

"I'm on the 4th floor. She hasn't come down yet... she's somewhere between here and the 11th floor. It was Kira. Andrew's dead. You need to secure Alphabet 1."

"Copy that. We'll move Alphabet 1 to a secure location."

I stiffened.

"What about Y/n?"

Jerry hesitated, looking at me uneasily.

"Sir, you're our number 1 priority. We have to get you to a safe place and guard you until you can be transported to a well-protected facility. Bernard will try his best to find and secure Violin 3."

Hot rage boiled up my stomach. My eyes went to dangerous slits, making his own dart nervously. My glare intensified.

"Andrew's dead, Bernard has a broken rib and Y/n's too hurt to hold off for much longer. One or both you will go find her. _Now._ "

Stanford chewed his lip regretfully.

"I'm sorry, sir. But we have our orders. Jerry and I are entrusted with your life, Bernard and Andrew, Y/n's. We can't make up for their mistakes. You're too important."

There is was again. What else was I supposed to expect from people who Watari had hired? Flashes of hatred shot up my veins. Jerry grasped my arm and I started.

"I'm not leaving her with that psychopath!" I tried wrenching my arm out of his grip, but he was strong.

"Sir! You're not-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as I twisted, my leg swinging up and crashing into the side of his face.

Jerry yelped, stumbling back. Stanford's eyes popped. He tried grabbing me too, but that only resulted in a few quick and calculated kicks to the shin, calves and groin. He doubled over, moaning in pain. Not giving them the opportunity to recover, I threw myself out into the hallway. People were still trying to get down, but at this point, it was more like people desperately crawling over each other, making it more slow going.

I bit my lip. If there was anything good about being severely underweight... it'd probably be this. Holding my breath, I ran, nimbly hopping onto peoples' backs and wincing.

"Sorry! Sorry, so sorry."

It'd taken years of practicing my balance, but I decided to go for the railing to avoid the crowd, my feet expertly taking me up the thin metal. 

The real question was whether or not Kira was just as well trained.

* * *

The lights in the wing flicked off. It almost made you stop running, but you didn't. You knew that the second you stopped, your limbs would give out from exhaustion. The wing was long, seemingly endless. If everything went well, there would be another staircase on the other side and you could keep going down!

You just kept running until a bullet whizzed by your ear. Skidding, you threw yourself into a side-hallway, your heart racing. Okay, so it looked like you weren't getting to the second staircase anytime soon... you looked around this side-hall, your heart falling. There were about 8 rooms, 4 on each side and a window at the very end. _The window's too high. There's no way I can jump down and survive_.

A deadend...

The sound of Kira's running footsteps spurred you into action. You surged into a random room, third on the left and quickly shut the door behind you, pressing your ear against the wood. She stopped at the mouth of the hall and you breathed out, looking around the room. It was mainly empty save for an IV-holder. Grabbing it, you cursed softly. It was heavy, but it was too clunky to properly carry! 

You pressed yourself against the wall next to the door, your heart racing. Your palms were sweaty, sliding on the cool metal of your makeshift weapon. Outside, Kira was giggling.

"You might as well give up," she cooed, "we both know you're not making it out of this alive. I'll deliver your head to L."

You swallowed heavily, your knees buckling. So tired... you just wanted to stretch out and go to sleep. 

The door opened and instinct took over. You roared, swinging the holder. Kira gasped, instantly going into some martial arts stance and twisting it out of your grip. You didn't let that stop you, allowing your momentum to take you forward and violently grip her hair.

Kira yelped, wrapping her hands around your wrists and bringing her knee up. You gasped, the action taking your breath away. You tried stumbling back, but she was still gripping your wrists. Before you could register what was happening, she turned the two of you and tossed you against the floor.

You slid, pain flaring up your side. Forcing yourself to your feet, you snarled, backing up. She was blocking the door, her lips curled and amber eyes taunting.

"Hm, looks like it's finally it for you."

The fear was so intense, but you straightened, forcing a laugh.

"Oh fuck off, Bitch."

A battle cry ripped through your throat. You ran at her, no strategy or form in mind, just desperation at this point. Her eyes darted and she blocked your attack, but you managed to roughly pull her hair, throwing her off her balance. Screaming, you bit her shoulder. Kira shrieked, trying to pry you off. You were vaguely aware of her punching your abdomen, but the pain was distant. Kira took your arm, brutally twisting it. It made a loud pop, sending flares of agony to your shoulder. You crumpled, your vision swimming. Kira swayed, trying to catch her breath, gingerly touching the bite-marks. You didn't give her a chance. You lashed out, wrapping your fingers around her ankle and pulling.

Kira cried out, crashing to the floor. Struggling to your feet, your abdomen exploded in pain. It almost made you collapse, but you managed to limp out of the room, hunched over in an awkward run for the stairs.

The hallway to the stairs were so long... you gasped. L's head was poking out of one of the side-halls. He made a motion for you to keep running and ducked away out of sight. Blinking, you did it, shooting past him. Behind you, Kira was dashing at a terrifying speed. Just as she was passing L's hall, he jutted out a leg, tripping her. Kira sprawled across the ground, grunting. She expertly flung herself back to her feet, reaching for her gun.

You threw yourself at her before she could, clinging to her back and dragging her down with you. L swung his leg up, about to bring it down on Kira's torso, but she twisted out of the way. L's eyes popped as he moved in an awkward way to avoid kicking you, losing his balance and falling. She yelled, jumping and bringing her entire weight down on his leg. L threw his head back, his scream sending your blood curdling as a loud _snap_ broke the air. L sobbed, holding onto his leg. Kira hopped back, slapping at her waist for the gun.

It was gone. 

You inhaled sharply, scanning the ground to see that it slid about twenty feet away. Everything hurt but you slid yourself across the floor, your hand outreached. Kira flung herself in the same direction, bringing a fist down on your back. You shrank, whimpering, but she kept going, getting the gun and rolling to her feet, breathing out.

Everyone froze.

She pointed the gun in your direction, her hand shaking. Kira's eyes were blazing, insane and horrifying. You were rooted to the spot, staring down the barrel. L stood slowly, his leg hanging uselessly behind him, holding his hands where Kira could see them.

"Please," he rasped, "you don't have to do this."

"Oh, but I want to," Kira snarled, her gaze scathing.

L winced, his eyes flickering over her features. There was something almost sad in his eyes. He looked at you for a fraction before taking a step closer to her.

"Why would you want to kill an insignificant woman, when you can fuck me? Aren't I the greatest prize possible? The greatest detective in the world... there's no one in the world like me and you have the chance to dominate me. I'm the ultimate challenge."

Kira chuckled, her brow up, unimpressed.

"Get over yourself. You're not that desirable."

"Wrong," he breathed, limping closer, "I'm not _lovable_. You never did or could love me, but desirable? That I am. And look at me... I'm hurt, I'm not a threat."

Kira's eyes went to slits, the gun still trained on you. L tilted his face, swaying in front of her. Kira hesitated, her eyes flickering in uncertainty and apprehension. L leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. They were so close that their foreheads were touching. You shuddered, unable to take your eyes off of that gun. Her finger was halfway down the trigger. Even at such close proximity, L wouldn't be able to do anything before she was able to fire. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to stay steady on your feet.

L glanced at you for just the briefest moments before he was back to idly twirling a strand of her hair. Kira stared at him, her eyes cryptic.

"Admit it to yourself, Kira. You're incapable of love. What we have is different, unique. The only true equal rivals in this world. That's-" he licked at her bottom lip, "what you find so alluring. Why you can't pass up clashing against me even after 9 years apart... And why we're so drawn to each other."

Her eyes went distant, probably debating his words. She slowly caught his mouth, moaning softly. His eyes snapped in your direction, stormy grey and urgent. They flashed from you to the stairway, the message loud and clear. _Get out while she's distracted_. You blinked, slowly backing up. B-but... you couldn't just leave him! You stopped, starting to shake your head. His brow furrowed, more intent. Asking... no... begging... you to leave. Did he have a plan? You were quiet as you scurried for the stairs, your chest pounding. 

At the door, you stopped, looking back. L's side was to you, you weren't even sure if he knew that you were still there. The gun slipped out of Kira's hands as she wrapped her arms around his torso. It clattered to the ground, too far away for you to get it and too far for L to stretch down to. She arched her back, letting out a growl. Kira moaned when L gently cupped her chin, his lips moving up her jawline. His other hand slid up, fingers tangling in her scalp. 

Your eyes widened, a sudden thought coming to you. That position with his fingers-

 _Oh my God, is he going to_ -

L buried his face into her shoulder.

He did.

In one fluid motion, L snapped her neck.

You gasped, a loud _crack_ filling the static air. 

You stared, your pulse echoing. Kira crumpled, a small heap on the floor.

Your hands flew to your mouth, your stomach heaving and turning against you. Somehow, you managed to keep your food down. Now... now an uncomfortable, eery silence settled over the wing. You stared at her, your eyes misting.

L stood in shock, staring down at the body. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. You carefully stepped up to him and his eyes flashed in your direction, defensive and scared, almost as if he didn't recognize you.

"L?"

He shuddered, shrinking. When you stepped forward, he flinched, looking up at you with large eyes. They were glassy, reflective and sorrowful.

"She would've never stopped," he whispered, "s-she would've never-"

Surging forward, you enveloped him, turning him so his face was away from the body. Kira's neck was stuck in an unnatural angle, her amber eyes already glazed over in surprise and betrayal. You tightened your grip on him, holding his head to your shoulder. He was still shaking, his knees wobbling so much that you thought for a second that he might collapse. 

"She would've never stopped," L sobbed, wrapping his arms around you desperately.

"I know," you murmured, "I know... you saved both of our lives, L. Everyone we love... you saved them."

He nodded numbly, pulling away. There was a myriad of emotions in his eye, and- and so much self-loathing and shame that it made your breath catch. A tear rolled down L's cheek.

"Y/n... a-a part of me... a part of me liked it. When I was kissing her," he covered his face, hunching his shoulders, "oh, God, what's wrong with me?!"

"Hey! Look at me. L, look at me."

His hands were trembling, but he managed to bring them down and meet your eyes.

"Come on," you said gently, pulling him away from her body, "let's... let's get downstairs. Daedra and B probably heard that the hospital was dealing with a situation."

L sniffed, nodding.

"I want B," he admitted more so to himself.

Hooking an arm around him to support him, you nodded tenderly.

"And I want Daedra... let's find them, okay?"

He simply bobbed his head.


	27. Not Forever

By the time that you were hobbling down the stairs with L, police were at the hospital and order had been restored. B and Daedra were in the hospital waiting room, Daedra gnawing on her nails and B pacing like a wild animal. When they saw you, their eyes lit up. You smiled tiredly, your knees wobbling. You were sapped of all your energy... swaying, you collapsed. L yelped. Without you supporting him, he crumpled too.

There was yelling all around, but all you could focus on was L's face. He looked at you with soft eyes, gently touching your chin. His edges were blurred and you could've sworn he said something, but you faded into unconsciousness.

* * *

Moaning, you opened your eyes, looking around the hospital room. Your arm was in a sling, bruises littering your body. Great. Just what you needed.

You sat back on your pillow, staring at the window next to you. L's tear-stained face filled your mind, his voice echoing.

" _A-a part of me... a part of me liked it. When I was kissing her. Oh, God, what's wrong with me?!_ "

You swallowed thickly, twisting the sheets in between your fingers. It-it hurt... the thought that he got _any_ pleasure from kissing her. Shivering, you shook your head. You needed to find him. You needed to talk to him and see him...

It was relatively easy finding his room. Poking your head in, you saw him sprawled out on the bed, his leg raised in the air. His eyes were distant and hollow, his hair more tussled than usual. 

L glanced in your direction, grey eyes widening. He quickly adverted them, tugging at his shirt.

"... Hi." He croaked.

"... Hi..."

He looked at you nervously.

"How are you feeling?"

"It hurts, but... I'm getting better. You?"

L's eyes darted. He shrank, sliding a hand through his hair. You wheeled yourself by his side, slowly reaching out and touching his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut, obviously attempting to compose himself. You felt a pang in your chest.

"I can't imagine having to kill someone," you whispered. _And so personally too_. 

It hadn't even been you who snapped her neck, and yet, you were sure that the image would be burned in your brain forever. But he? He _did_ the action. L sniffed, hunching his shoulders. His eyes were rimmed red and you weren't sure if he'd actually gotten any sleep lately. 

"I love you," he rasped, "more than- more than I can ever say."

"I know," you murmured, scanning his features. Steeling yourself, you tilted your head, "... talk about it."

At his expression, you shrugged.

"Your feelings for me, for her, just... talk. I promise I won't get mad."

Grunting, you maneuvered yourself onto the bed, your arms pressed against each other. L quietly rested his cheek on your shoulder, idly gliding his fingers over your palm. He didn't say anything for what felt like the longest, the silence sitting heavy in the room. 

"What Kira and I had wasn't love. I see that now. I-I don't know what I had with her. But- it... it wasn't love."

His eyes misted, confused and lost. You squeezed his hand.

"What did kissing her feel like?"

He flinched, hanging his head. 

"Dangerous... lightning. Electrifying and powerful but I knew one wrong move would lead to my death. And yet, that's what made it appealing." He looked at you with a small smile, "kissing you is so different. You're like-" He scrunched his brow, trying to find the words until he smiled, "a wolf. Beautiful and fierce, protective, you love your pack with everything you are and it's incredible. Kissing you is like kissing a danger that I know for a fact won't hurt me."

Your lips twitched, mulling over his words. You lightly pushed his shoulder with yours, chuckling.

"Are you saying I have dog breath when we kiss?"

He blanched, stuttering.

"No! No, that-that's not what I-"

"I'm messing with you," you giggled.

He deflated, laughing weakly. The two of you simply sat there, staring at the blanket until he inhaled deeply.

"I'm not even sure what was going through my mind when I killed her. How messed up is that? I killed someone and I don't even know what I was thinking while I was doing it."

"L..."

There was so much you wanted to say, all swirling in your brain and impossible to articulate. All you knew was that he looked exhausted. L swiped at his eyes.

"I've seen photos of a lot of crime scenes. I've even gone to some after the body was removed, but... it just felt so different."

You enveloped him, nodding into his scalp, your own body shaking. He was so skinny and small in your grip, leaning into you. Your voice wavered.

"I thought I was going to die," you whispered, "I've- I've never been so afraid. L, no matter what happens, always remind yourself that you were there for me at the most terrifying point in my life."

His eyes shone gratefully. L's neck craned and he gently kissed your lips, moving his mouth along yours. You returned it, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper, needing to taste every section of his mouth. L swayed, slowly pulling away and touching your chin in awe.

"What's going to happen to us?" He murmured.

Still hugging him, you tenderly ran your fingers through his hair. L hesitantly touched your arm, looking up at you with torn eyes. 

"I was thinking about moving in with Daedra," you admitted lowly, "just for a little while. Until I'm healed and have had some time to process... all of this..."

"... Does that mean we're over?"

"No!" You cupped the sides of his face, forcing him to meet your eyes as you smiled reassuringly.

"L, you're not getting away from me that easily. This isn't over..." you pressed your forehead against his, "I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you too," he breathed, leaving feathery kisses up your wrist. 

Before you could respond, there was a quiet knock at the door. L glanced over apprehensively.

"Come in."

Watari.

He stood in the doorway, his eyes drifting over the two of you. You straightened, ready for him to berate you again or demand you to leave. Instead, he stumbled in and your breath caught. His eyes were red and his immaculately groomed hair was scruffy. Your nose wrinkled. Had he been _drinking?_!

"L... I found out what happened from the guards. B wouldn't-wouldn't let me see you. Are-are you okay?"

L bit his lip suspiciously, rolling his shoulders. Watari looked at you and you blinked in shock. There was no malice in his expression.

"Y/n, I am _so_ sorry that you've had to go through this." He gave a shaky bow, "if I hadn't failed at neutralizing Kira all those years ago, both of you would be safe and unharmed. How I've treated you is atrocious. I was scared that you were like Kira and that this time, I wouldn't be able to protect L. But I was never able to protect him. I'm sorry."

You gaped. _Well this is new_. Watari slowly straightened, wiping at his eyes. He locked gazes with L.

"I didn't know anything about your condition, I was terrified you, you might've- I'm so sorry. L, I could never lose you. N-not because you're some asset, but because you're my son."

L didn't say anything at first. He drummed his fingers thoughtfully, not saying anything for what felt like the longest time. You smiled tightly, moving back into your wheelchair.

"I'll come back in a few minutes."

"Wait," L touched your shoulder, "please, stay?" He looked up at Watari, "... Y/n and I were just talking about getting lunch."

Watari blinked.

"I'll get some right now."

* * *

You hesitated, Daedra helping you pack your bag. You were going to be staying with her in Spain. L was taking a break from cases and he and B were going to try patching things up with Watari. The idea of being separated was bitter, and you stared at the floor longingly. Yesterday, it seemed like a great plan. But right now, all you wanted to do was hug him and never let go. Daedra zipped up your bag, noticing how downtrodden you were.

She smiled, enveloping you.

"This is good," she whispered, "it's good getting a break from each other."

"But I don't want one," you sighed.

She gently stroked your hair, her eyes kind. 

"Trust me, you don't want to go on in a relationship with so much fresh trauma."

You nodded, not saying anything. Kira had been dealt with quietly, almost as if it'd never happened. It had happened, though. But you just couldn't get her face out of your brain. Her stuck-open eyes and the unnatural angle of her neck. You knew deep down that Daedra was right. How could you and L just go on as if nothing happened? How long would you get flashes of him snapping her neck before it started to affect how you felt about him? 

Maybe this was for the best.

B met you in the hallway. He shifted uneasily on his feet, jutting out a hand holding a jar of jam. You blinked and he smiled sheepishly.

"Don't be too much of a stranger."

Chuckling, you took the jar from him, turning it over in your hand.

"Whoa. Fresh-made, no preservatives. This is some gourmet shit."

He winked.

"What, you think I'd give you some shit shit? It'll be weird being in the orchestra without you."

You laughed, covering your face. Wow, the orchestra felt so long ago. In a past life. Your lips twitched.

"It'll be weird not going back to it..." Maybe you could find other ways to play the violin. 

You followed Daedra to the entrance of the hospital and paused. L was standing off to the side with his own bag, talking to Watari. Watari saw you and excused himself, stepping towards B. Exhaling, you and L moved to each other, shuffling your feet. 

"It's not forever." L clarified.

"No... it's not."

He swayed, his eyes pooled and reflective. Wrapping your arms around him, you buried your face into his shoulder. He smelled sweet again, like chocolate and strawberries. Long fingers tangled into your hair, passing lovingly over your scalp. Every touch made a fire ignite under your skin.

"I love you," he rumbled, his chest vibrating yours. 

Holding onto the sides of his face, your breaths mixed, your legs turning to jelly. 

"I love you too."

Pulling his face into a deep kiss, you felt like your limbs might explode. He returned it, resting his arms against your waist while he deepened the kiss, his tongue moving and dancing with yours. L pressed his forehead to yours with a sad laugh.

"I better hear you playing on some big radio station."

You choked out a laugh, your insides threatening to break down on you.

"And I better not hear of a single new case," your chastised lightly.

L rolled his eyes dramatically. You combed your fingers through his wild locks. Daedra cleared her throat behind you.

"We have to go, we'll miss the train."

Already? So soon?

"Oh, okay."

You regretfully untangled yourself from L, instantly missing the warmth. You lingered for a second, taking him in. His soft white shirt and ivory skin. Even with all the rest he'd had lately, there were still dark circles under his eyes. So deep that they almost looked like makeup. Not knowing what else to do, you held up a hand.

"Bye."

He gave a gentle smile.

"I'll see you."

That made your face brighten. Inhaling for some resolve, you followed Daedra out of the door, acutely aware of L's eyes on your back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh we're getting there. They're not completely written or finished yet, but I'd say there's going to be about 4 chaps left :)


	28. Living Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pining. So much pining lmao.

B's perspective

"Oh for fucks sake," I growled, massaging the bridge of my nose.

L and Watari were sitting on opposite sides of the table, glaring at each other. Watari huffed.

"B! Tell L that I want to go to an area with a cooler climate. All three of us burn easily."

L scoffed, bristling.

"And tell Watari that I want to go to a tropical locale! I'm sick of all these dreary and drab places that _he_ picks!"

Jesus Christ, when did I become mediator?

God knows I didn't want to be mediator! Literally anyone else! This job was suited for quite literally anyone else! I sat back with a sigh, deciding to just watch the show play out. Watari straightened.

"Old architecture and museums!"

"Beach and fun! The whole point of this is to _loosen up and bond._ ** _Over. Fun! We are going to have fun, Quillish Wammy_** _!_ "

"I don't find sand everywhere _fun_!"

"If it's not from World War II, you don't find anything fun!"

 _Holy shit, I'm the stable one_. I rested my chin in the cup of my hand, simply observing. It'd been 6 months since L had been discharged from the hospital. He was pretty much healed and after months of physical, emotional and family therapy, we were all having... a vacation... that was going about as swell as it sounded. I rolled my eyes, blowing a strand of hair out of my face while they squabbled. 

"Maybe we should split our vacation in half and we could each get what we want," Watari said definitively.

L shook, his eyes blazing.

"You're doing it again! Trying to dictate the situation! I will not live under your thumb-"

" _My thumb_?! I want a fair compromise!"

"OH NOW YOU WANT A COMPROMISE?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN I WANTED A COMPROMISE ALL MY LIFE?"

"L LAWLIET, THAT'S WHY WE'RE DOING THIS INFERNAL VACATION!"

Uuuuuuugh I wanted some jam. Rubbing my eyes, I groaned.

"I'm getting some jam, anyone want anything?"

They didn't seem to hear me, their voices continuing to rise. Whatever. Standing, I inhaled deeply and slammed my hands on the table. They jumped, looking at me with wide eyes. My lips pursed.

"You two are acting like children. We're going to Italy. Watari, it has all of the things you'd like and L, the beaches are nice and the landscape can be mediterranean. As for me, I'll be visiting the birthplace of jam..."

L stared at me.

"... Jam?"

"Hm. The first recipe for jam appears in the first cookbook, a Roman text from the 1st century AD."

Watari gaped.

"Why am I not surprised that you know this?"

I smirked.

"You shouldn't be."

L's perspective

There was a gentle knock at the door and all three of us looked at it. Watari tilted his head.

"Come in."

Little Near poked his head into the room. Most his age would've probably been nervous about all the screaming, but he seemed indifferent. His eyes slowly passed over all of us before settling on me.

"You're not a detective anymore."

I squirmed in my seat, instantly uncomfortable. This was something that I was constantly avoiding, I could recognize that now. It was also the biggest reason why I was putting off contacting Y/n. I wanted her to see me as someone who knew what I wanted. Hell, I wanted to know what I wanted. My lips pursed, but I tried to keep my voice friendly.

"I-... I don't know. I might go back to it someday. I might not. I really just don't know."

He stared at me unblinkingly for what felt like the longest.

"Mello and I wish to take the mantle."

Watari's mouth fell open in shock. B straightened, touching his chin in interest. Hissing a breath, I shook my head.

"Being 'L' is so much pressure. Nate, you're only 13. And Mello's 15. Just enjoy being kids, alright?"

"We don't want to." For the first time, there was a twinge of indignant emotion to his voice, "we want to be detectives. And we want to do it our way."

... Huh... was it better in encourage or discourage this? On one hand, wasn't one supposed to support a child's dreams? But on the other... we were the ones who instilled those dreams...

"And Mello wants this too?" I asked slowly.

Near nodded, "he was too scared to ask you himself, so he sent me."

"Shut your fucking mouth, I'm not scared of anything!" Mello yelled from the hallway.

A laugh bubbled up in my stomach. It slowly died down seeing the intensity on Near's features. Sighing, I glared at Watari.

"They'll need resources. And help. _Help_. If you push them or try to control them, I'll get involved. As it is, I'll be periodically checking in."

Watari faltered, looking like he wanted to retort. But he deflated, nodding quietly.

"I'll do better this time..."

* * *

Italy was beautiful. Crystalline blue waters and the perfect temperature. I flexed my feet just as B joined me, offering out a small bowl of jam. I politely rejected.

"Thank you... for playing referee between Watari and me. We're getting better. The therapy's helping, but-..."

"It's a long process," he nodded understandingly, "no one expects you two to suddenly change over night and kick all your flaws, miraculously becoming the perfect father-son dynamic."

I swallowed, grateful that he understood. As people passed us on the beach and girls glanced my way, I sighed.

"How do you think Y/n's doing?"

"You haven't kept tabs on her?" He sounded genuinely surprised.

I tightened my lips.

"B, it's not like I'm going to stalk her or something." I said softly, wrapping my arms around my knees, my gaze going distant, "do you think- do you think she's happy?"

"You mean happier now that she doesn't have to deal with your crazy exes and insane life?" 

I didm't respond.

His stance went gentle and he touched my shoulder reassuringly, his fingers lingering.

"Hey, Ely. If it's meant to be, the two of you will find each other again. Just relax. Try to enjoy life."

Try to enjoy life. Right. How was I supposed to do that? It really was like B could read my mind. He easily hopped to his feet, flagging down some women sitting by the edge of the water. My cheeks flushed with heat, turning a deep scarlet red.

"What are you _doing_?" I hissed.

"Loosen up," B chuckled, patting my arm, "we'll just invite them out to dinner! That's it."

The entirety of the dinner, I stared at my food, thinking about her. About what Y/n would say about this beautiful place and the amazing food. One of the girls nudged me, sidling against me with a seductive look. Giving her my most polite smile, I kept eating. What was this girl's name again? I felt bad, I hadn't been paying attention when they gave them and now some unknown nameless girl was looking at me with hungry bedroom eyes. I stuffed some pasta into my mouth, reeling.

I wanted sweets.

I wanted Y/n.

This vacation sucked.

The closer she tried getting to me, the more I slid away.

Sighing, I put on a happy face, saying I had to go. 

* * *

Your perspective

Your brow furrowed. Pacing nervously, you tugged at your hair.

"I don't like this, Daedra," you murmured, "what if I mess up? There's so much riding on this!"

She took a moment away from her immaculate bun, smiling reassuringly.

"Y/n. You'll be amazing. No one plays the violin like you!"

"Pfft, you're only saying that because we're sisters," you growled.

Checking her outfit in the vanity mirror, she gracefully moved over to you, kissing the top of your head.

"Just because we're sisters doesn't mean it's not true," she said softly.

You smiled at her reassurance. Yeah. You could do this! _Just don't think about the scout outside in the crowd_. If you nailed this show and the scout liked what he saw, the door would be opened for a multitude of gigs, you playing and Daedra dancing. A stern lady with a clipboard poked her head in.

"You ladies ready?"

Daedra blinked, eyes flashing in your direction. You gave a weak smile. _Ready as I'll ever be_.

You stood backstage, the instrument heavy in your hand. Daedra was doing some last minute stretches, her body bent in half as she easily touched her palms to her toes. A sudden thought flashed through your mind... _I wish L was here. To see me do this. To cheer and root me on_.

You squeezed your eyes shut and pictured his face, your chest instantly aching. What you wouldn't give to have that voice of his accompany your violin! But... you weren't ready. Therapy was going well, but you still... you wanted to be better when you met L again. You wanted to be able to say that you could wholly give yourself to a relationship without the night terrors or the random lingering body pains. Just thinking about it made Kira's body falling replay over and over in your mind... it didn't make you miss L any less. 

Trying to shake out the thoughts, you followed Daedra onto the stage. 

Not so ironically, the songs you'd been writing over the past six months all had some underlying sad tones which you associated with lost love, pain and separation. Really taking inspiration from your own life. Yay. 

As you started playing the first few notes, you couldn't help picturing his face. His maddeningly handsome, deviously intelligent face. As you played, you got lost in the memories. Of the feeling of his skin on yours. His seemingly natural sweet scent. Low, luscious voice. Daedra danced nimbly on the stage, every move graceful and flowing with its own energy, telling a story even without lyrics. On your final note, Daedra did a controlled collapse onto the stage, hanging her head for the spectators.

Your eyes widened when they stood and started clapping, whistling for more. You flushed, heat rising up your skin. Daedra easily snapped into a standing position, her smirk mischievous in all the right ways.

It happened. The scout came and started talking about all of the things he could see happening in the both of yours future. You and Daedra exchanged looks, her face bright and in disbelief. Wow... you were about to be discovered! Carrying your violin back to its case, a guy shot you a dazzling smile. All you could do was give an unsteady one in response. S-should you? You tucked your hair behind your ear. It had been six months...

Shaking your head, you kept moving, a tight pang in your chest. 


	29. Second Night Stands

**3 years later**...

Your fingers flew over the strings, your bow moving at impossible speeds. Daedra twirled and twisted, her limbs graceful as she moved across the stage, jumping in the air, her legs fully extended. You finished with a loud note and Daedra folded in on herself, pretending to collapse, but it was all very controlled. Graceful and beautiful.

Everyone in the auditorium rose to their feet, clapping. Grinning, you bowed, twirling your bow dramatically. Daedra easily popped to her feet, every movement mesmerizing as she curtsied. 

Moving backstage, you went into your dressing room, wiping off the makeup, exhausted. The two of you had been touring for about 7 months now and had more recently gone international. Right now, you were in Japan. You played the music, she danced to it... and the audience loved it.

Smiling, you softly knocked on her dressing room door.

"Hey, Bun? You want to go out drinking tonight or something?"

"Ooh, yes please! Give me a few minutes, this outfit is impossible to get off!"

The two of you found yourselves in this strange club, the style throwing you off with a bunch of pop art and a melodramatic aesthetic. But it was nice. The two of you danced, Daedra obviously attracting more attention with the way her hips swayed and swooshed sensually. You were content just bopping, jumping a little in place and smiling shyly at anyone who looked in your direction. At some point, you sighed, moving over to the bar. Daedra was still on the dance floor, grinding with a gorgeous woman. Just looking at them, you were _fairly_ certain Daedra would be abandoning you for the night.

Like the rest of the strange aesthetic, it wasn't a typical club bar, offering unique alcoholic consumptions. After going over the menu with a scrunched brow, you smiled helplessly.

"I'll have the uh, the strawberry-daiquiri sundae chocolate unicorn vomit... yeah. That sounds good."

"I've tried it. It's too sweet. And that's saying something."

You whirled around, your heart seizing. 

L...?

He was standing behind you, his lips quirked in a genuine smile. Your mouth fell open. Holy shit, he looked so different. 

His hair was still tussled, but it was a controlled and obviously intentional tussle. Otherwise, the strands were silky and shiny, framing his face handsomely. Although he was still incredibly pale, there was a light dusting of color on his cheeks. Along with that, his eye-bags had almost disappeared, just leaving a light stain under his eyes. Even his clothing was so different. A black v-neck and not-quite skinny but skinnier dark blue jeans. You breathed out in shock, your heart instantly beating faster.

"Hi, Y/n," he rumbled with a low chuckle. 

You swallowed, all your thoughts scrambled.

"L. Oh my God... how are you?"

You numbly hugged him, your pulse echoing in your ears. He felt soft, all those familiar angles and muscles pressing into you as he hugged back. You slowly dislodged yourself, laughing in disbelief.

"What's been going on? D-do you want to have a drink?"

You paused, glancing around the insanely loud club with all the writhing bodies. What was he doing _here_? As if reading your mind, he snorted.

"Every Saturday night is Club Night with B. It all seems to follow the same formula. I come, dance, and then that happens," he pointed to a lounge area.

You followed his finger to see B in the distance, tongue _deep_ down a girl's mouth, groping each other almost too graphically even for a club. L took a sip of a drink.

"And then I get drunk, sometimes beat up because I can't keep my snarky mouth shut and the cycle continues every Saturday."

You grinned, placing your chin in the cup of your hand. The bartender came back with your concoction and you stared at it in shock. It really was like a unicorn had vomited all over the dish. You poked at it, your nose wrinkling. L watched you, a fondness sparking in his eyes. Subtly pushing the concoction away, you smirked.

"Interesting cycle... you never leave with anybody?"

L's brow quirked, a playful gleam in his expression.

"It's not really my thing. I'm waiting on this one girl. Now _she's_ a catch."

You bit your lip, excitement shivering up your spine.

"Oh?" You asked innocently. 

L wrinkled his nose affectionately.

"Yes. She was beautiful and kind and intelligent... and I missed her for so long..."

A lump caught in your throat. You idly swirled your spoon, watching the colors mix.

"And she missed you. She's... been doing better. For a while, she considered contacting a guy she loved, but... was worried... that... she'd been gone too long. That he might've moved on."

L swallowed. His eyes softened.

"He hadn't. But he was so scared about messing it up a millionth time. He wanted to hold on to her smile and was scared that if he messed up again, the last thing he'd see of her would be hatred... Y/n, I love you... my feelings haven't changed since then and they're not going to."

You gaped, a pleasant thrill racing up your body. Smiling, you spooned some of the unicorn vomit into your mouth, trying to hide your dark blush.

"Well. Maybe it's time we faced our fears?"

His eyes widened, a myriad of emotions flashing over his features. L sidled closer, placing a hand on either side of you, his lips inches from your ear.

"If that's the case... You know, I saw this really nice hotel about a block away."

Your brow twitched, a little smirk playing at your lips as you leaned into him.

"I don't know, leave my sister and the safety of the club to follow a strange man into a hotel? How do I know you don't have- perverted-? intentions?"

He mocked hurt, his lips curved.

"Perverted? Me? I'm insulted, good lady, I am a perfect gentleman!" 

"Oh I'm sure you are. A one-night stand with a mysterious and perfect gentleman," you pretended to consider, giggling when he gently nibbled at your earlobe, "very well."

Daedra glanced over from the dance floor, almost tripping and falling when she saw L. You made a motion that you were leaving and she nodded in a daze, watching the two of you go with wide eyes. L did the same with B and he froze, giving a wide smile as he waved in disbelief...

You gasped, the wall meeting your back. His body was pressed against yours, lips sucking nipping your own as if he'd been starved of them. Well. You'd been starved of him, as well. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you deepened the kiss, your heart pounding in your ears. His hands were exploring your body, his face buried in your shoulder. 

"God, you're so beautiful," he murmured.

Your chest swelled, fire under your skin. Even years after you'd last seen him, every word he said made your legs turn to jelly. Pulling L as close as humanly possible, you wrapped a leg around his waist, letting it hang there lazily. L looked at you with lidded eyes, licking at his lips as he gently held your leg, bringing up higher. Your eyes widened, your entire body pulsing with need and desire. Holding your leg, his lips grazed along the inside of your thigh, leaving the muscle quivering under his mouth. You moaned, digging your fingers into his scalp. He ran his tongue upwards, slowly sinking to his knees as he lifted your dress, your leg finding its way back to the floor.

"L," you whined, squirming.

He was going so fucking slow, his fingers sliding against your underwear and leaving you whimpering.

"Tease," you admonished.

L smiled deviously, every languid and slow stroke making you writhe in anticipation. Finally, he was bringing your panties down. You felt the garment slide to your ankles and you threw your head against the wall, panting. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Just him holding onto your legs. And then- oh fuck, his tongue.

You yelped, holding onto his strands as his tongue slipped into your folds, poking and twisting along your walls.

"Fuck..." you sighed, your mind blanking. 

L pursed his lips and you thought you'd die then and there, your skin bubbling and thoughts scattered. 

"Y/n," he groaned, grasping your hips.

He dragged his tongue in a stripe and you lost it, crying out as you came, slapping at the wall, at his back, anything to hold on to. He lapped at it, swallowing and eating you out. L was up in seconds, kissing you. You could taste yourself on his tongue and before you could cool down, his fingers were already working at your entrance. You mewled, hooking your fingers against his shoulders, pressing your forehead into the crook of his neck. 

Pulling back to look at him seductively, you smirked, sliding to your own knees and starting to undo his jeans. L gasped, his hips gyrating with your motions. While you brought down his jeans and underwear, he practically tore off his shirt, easily discarded it and standing naked in front of you. Doing the same, you shivered, the night air causing goosebumps along your skin. Looking up at him, you smiled.

"I missed this," you chuckled.

He grinned.

"Me too..."

Licking at the end tentatively, you were satisfied by the long, dripping moan you drew from him. He planted his hands onto the wall, arching into your mouth, his eyes screwed shut as his chest heaved. It was a handsome sight... him already in pieces and all you'd done was lick at him. You took more of him into your mouth, until he hit the back of your throat. He hissed, his member already twitching in his mouth. 

"Thrust, I need to-"

You bobbed your head, the motion making him whimper breathlessly. A hand found itself to your scalp as he carefully rolled his hips, thrusting gently. Your eyes fluttered, making encouraging sounds. God, you just wanted to ravage your mouth and throat. Leave nothing behind. After a few seconds, he was thrusting in full, his bucking and sliding in your throat. The friction made your throat warm and you thought you'd gag, but you managed to stay relaxed, dragging your nails down the outside of his thighs. 

L growled and came, his hips jerking sporadically. You swallowed it eagerly, dislodging yourself and trying to get your bearings, still riding on cloud-9. Wincing, you touched at long scratch marks you'd left on his legs. He shrugged, smirking.

"It's alright. Just the first souvenir... I hope you'll give me more," he added huskily.

Your lips went up.

"Only if you give me some," you sighed.

Wrapping his arms around you and supporting you, your breaths mixed.

"That can be arranged," he murmured, practically carrying you to the bed.

The soft sheets met your back, your heart beating fast. You were already so wet for him again, needing to feel him. He crawled over you, his body buzzing with energy. L paused, examining your features and running his palm tenderly down the side of your face.

"Did I ever mention how much I love you?" He mumbled.

Your cheeks burned as you bit your lip.

"Sap," you teased, twirling his hair around your finger, "... I love you too."

L's eyes brightened. 

"May I fuck you?" He asked faux-innocently.

Your brow furrowed, the situation rather familiar. 

"To tomorrow."

L entered swiftly and you moaned, scrabbling at his back, sure that you were leaving the same wicked scratches in his pale skin. He didn't seem to mind and stayed still while you adjusted, his fingers latching into your hips. They were pressing so hard that you were sure it'd bruise, but you wanted more. You wanted him. L moved slowly, rocking his hips. Even so, every slide made you see stars, blowing your brain to pieces. 

"L," you groaned, pulling his face forwards. 

His lips attached to your neck, gently sucking on the skin as he moved faster, the bed creaking and slapping against the wall. He grunted, the sound skin against skin filling the static air. You let out an incoherent sound, wrapping your legs around him, urging him deeper, moving in rhythm with him.

"Y/n, fuck... oh, _God_."

His hips bucked, each movement making you yelp and squirm in pleasure, a knot in your stomach tightening until you were sure you'd fall apart, shaking under the force. L nipped at your shoulder and you screamed, arching into him and coming, your mouth open and gasping for air. L kept thrusting, but his movements were becoming erratic. He let out a deep, lustful sound you didn't even know he could make and came too, his warmth filling you. 

You clung to him, both of your hips swaying, jerking every once in a while. It was so perfect... like your bodies just fit. 

He stroked your hair away from your face, his gaze clouded over. You touched at the crook of your shoulder in awe, already feeling a forming hickey. 

"That was," you slurred, unable to think.

He was still deeply buried in you, not moving and just staying there. Clumsily kissing your forehead, he carefully moved out and pulled you against him, burying his face into your hair. You were still panting, sweaty and exhausted. Resting your ear over his heart, you grinned tiredly.

"I swear to God, Lawliet, you better be here in the morning," you giggled.

L laughed, his fingers drawing lazy patterns along your stomach, his tongue outlining the shell of your ear lovingly.

"Wouldn't think about leaving," he sighed.

And he didn't.

Sunlight sliced across your eyes. The first thing you felt were the cotton sheets, still smelling like sex. L was sleeping against you, his limbs tangled with yours and his face pressed into your scalp. Watching the way his chest rose and fell, you smiled to yourself, a giddy feeling running in your chest.

"I love you," you whispered, snuggling into him.


	30. Hopeful Futures

"It's beautiful," you complimented sadly, walking into the foray, "are... you sure you want me in here?"

Watari was waiting in the limo. You were inside the old decrepit house with L and B. They were looking around, at each other, their eyes welled. B waved a hand, smiling.

"I don't mind. It already feels like you're practically family."

Grinning gratefully, you followed them deeper into their old parents' home. After years of neglect, the structure had been overtaken by weeds, mold and small critters. The wood was old and rotten... it was almost hard to believe anyone had once lived there. They'd been avoiding revisiting the interior, always staying on the outside. This was- this was the first time since their parents died that they were stepping foot into the rundown house. The house itself wasn't too large or too small... you meant it. It was beautiful. Even after nature had decided to reclaim it. 

L stopped in the hallway, picking up an old picture with shaking hands. You moved next to him, watching as he cleaned the dust from the surface...

It was a picture of a woman holding a young L, looking at the camera with a bright expression. She had vibrant green eyes and black hair tucked into a slightly messy braid, loose strands hanging around her face. 

In the picture, L was just a baby, small fuzz on his head and silvery grey eyes curious and intrigued by the camera. You rested your chin on his shoulder as he sighed, shaking his head.

"I miss them," he rumbled, carefully putting it back.

You nodded, slowly walking among more pictures. The pictures went up to L being about 6 years old. He was beaming and waving at the camera, racing around the house, eating ice cream, having fun in a pool. There were even some pictures of a baby B, his hair as black as L's at the time. You stopped in front of a picture of a little kid with brown hair and dark brown eyes, somehow looking so different from the other boys yet so similar.

"Is this..."

"A," L affirmed, touching the picture frame longingly, "he was such a happy and bubbly kid."

He sniffed, hunching his shoulders. You gently touched his back reassuringly. L leaned into you, his eyes screwed shut. 

From somewhere in the house, B peered from around the corner, his expression unreadable.

"Hey, L... come check this out."

The two of you followed him into an old children's room. There was a crib in the corner, presumably for B and a bunkbed on the other side of the room. B smiled wistfully. L's lip quivered, his knees buckling unsteadily.

"Oh yeah," he croaked, "... Mum and Dad were talking about getting me my own bed in one of the rooms because I was getting older..." He numbly picked up a fallen stuffed toy, a small rabbit full of dust, the color faded after years. He turned it over in his hands in awe, squeezing the toy's stomach. 

L shuddered, a tear slipping down the bridge of his nose. B cleared his own throat, excusing himself and practically running from the room. You blinked, enveloping L, feeling him trembling in your arms. L buried his face into your neck, shivering.

"A part of me wonders how different everything would've turned out if they... hadn't..."

You nodded understandingly.

"I'm here for you," you assured, running your fingers through his locks.

He touched your hand lovingly.

"... Thank you..."

* * *

You twisted in bed, rain softly pattering outside. The two of you had been together for about a year now, and you loved every second of it. Touring with your violin and Daedra, L had even slowly gotten back into a bit of investigating, promising he wouldn't push himself too far. Living with him felt like you'd been living together you whole lives. Every quiet moment and loving touch just felt... right. The feeling of his body, his pulse, the way he spooned you after and more often than not prepared hot chocolate while you were sleeping and he had insomnia.

That was happening now. Your eyes fluttered open to see the bed empty, and yet the amazing smell of chocolate and melting marshmallows wafted through the cracked open door. Grinning, you wandered into the kitchen, seeing him methodically measure different toppings and additions, each measurement perfectly calculated. Chuckling, you wrapped your arms around L from behind, nuzzling his neck. Without looking back, he pressed into you, laughing softly.

"You were supposed to be asleep. I was going to surprise you with hot cocoa and some cake in bed."

"Oh?" You giggled, "Well I'm here so-"

"Yes, but I was looking for a certain type of _ambience_ ," he purred playfully.

Your brow quirked as you kisses the back of his neck. L groaned, pressing his nape to your mouth, his pulse instantly fluttering.

"And since when have you cared so much about the 'ambience'?" You giggled into his skin.

His lips tugged up, but his gaze was distant.

"Ever since... I was going to ask you to marry me."

You froze, staring at him, your eyes impossibly wide. L shrank, looking at you with large eyes. He fumbled, taking out a little black box from his pocket, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I-I hope you like t-the ring. I was having trouble finding one so both B and Watari pitched in and I don't know, that seemed to triple the difficulty," he laughed weakly, his fingers shaking as he popped open the little case.

You were still in shock. You stared down at the ring, simple yet elegant and definitely the most unique ring you'd ever seen... the diamond was surrounded by others, the shape reminiscent of a water-lily and the band were vines that connect into a circular shape, with little diamonds interspersed throughout. Your mouth fell open in awe, your mind completely locked. 

L stammered, his cheeks a bright red.

"So, um, yeah and then we um went to this little outdoor mall, but they only fake stones, so then w-we left and went to-... oh shit, I'm supposed to get down on one knee."

"It's okay," you breathed, gently steadying him.

L swallowed, looking down at you nervously. 

"I'm so bad at this," he sighed, his grip on the little box tightening, "I just... wanted it to feel special."

"It is," you assured him, nuzzling your nose to his. He gazed at you with a soft and tender gaze, pushing your hair away from your face.

Beaming, you hooked your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. His lips were smooth and warm, sending a thrill up your spine. 

"Yes," you whispered into his mouth.

L gasped, cupping your face in shock.

"Y-yes?"

"Yes, you dummy!... I love you. Of course I'd want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He gave a small excited sound, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a clumsy spin. You laughed, your feet stumbling, but your eyes were bright. L crashed his lips into yours, pressing his forehead against your own.

"I love you..."

The wedding was perfect, B as L's best man. It was small, just a gathering of both of your closest friends, family basically absent. A part of you wished you could've had your parents there, but you'd accepted long ago that they simply weren't a part of your life anymore. Daedra was the only family you needed... and you were okay with that.

Daedra helped you adjust the dress, squirming excitedly as if she was the one getting married.

"Oh my God, you look so beautiful!" She chirped.

"You think so?... I'm so fucking nervous," you admitted shyly.

"Don't be, that guy adores you... I hope the two of you are happy for years to come..."

Your eyes misted as you hugged her.

Alright, seeing the Lawliet boys dressed up in tuxes was hilarious. B shifted uncomfortably, looking like he wanted to tear at the fabric and L didn't seem to be doing much better. His lips tugged up as he scanned you, his expression warm.

"Amazing," he murmured when you reached him.

Heat moved up your neck. 

"Handsome," you complimented back with a light laugh.

His chest puffed with the praise, intertwining his fingers in-between yours.

"Y/n... I'm probably the luckiest man alive to have found you. Before you, I was... bitter and shut off from the world. I didn't care about life in general and just lived for the game, something to occupy my mind. But... you helped me. Made me want to improve myself. I love you so much."

Your eyes widened at the vow, your eyes red.

"Thank you... L, I have loved every second of our time together. Even when we were in danger and separated, I never stopped loving you. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you..."

L was on the verge of crying himself. Taking the sides of your face, he tilted your head, pulling into a deep kiss. A promise of a loving and hopeful future. 

Together.


	31. Epilogue

L escaped from the room, looking at you in distress. You covered your mouth to keep from laughing loudly. 

Leiko and Aimi had completely filled his hair with bands and bright pink clips. It seemed as though they dumped glitter all over this black strands, making it shine. Aimi had wanted to bring out the scissors, but that's when L put his foot down. There was a wide tutu over his jeans and his white shirt was completely stained with reds, pinks and green paint. He looked traumatized, like he'd just come back from war.

"Glitter. There was so much glitter..."

You couldn't help it anymore and you doubled over, cackling. His eyes narrowed playfully and he hugged you tightly, trying to get the paint from his shirt to yours. You squealed, shaking your head.

"Gah! You're so mean!"

He laughed, nuzzling your nose.

"You can see just how mean I can get."

"Oh?" You purred, your brow quirking.

"Mhm," he leaned into you and you gently flicked his forehead.

"Nuh-uh. Shower."

L pouted but nodded with a sigh. He was about to ask you to join him when the door to the girls' room opened. Aimi was the youngest at three years old. Her hair and general features matched you, but her eyes were straight from L. Both of them had L's cool grey eyes. Aimi looked up at you.

"Mommy... Can I have a glass of water?"

From behind her, Leiko wandered out. She was six and looked like a little copy of L. She fluttered her eyelashes, nodding.

"I'm hungry..."

L grinned, pecking your cheek. 

"Well, if you have this, I'll be waiting." His lips twitched as he moved for the bedroom.

Getting them their things, you tenderly tucked them back into bed, pushing their hair away from their faces. Leiko's lip quivered.

"I don't want to sleep! I want to do piano," she whined.

You smiled. Aimi shook her head.

"Nuh-uh! Let's play Detective."

"Guys. It's late. Very late... go to sleep, okay?"

They hesitated, nodding with a groan.

"Yes, Mom."

Kissing their foreheads, you paused in the doorway, your heart swelling. Aimi had already fallen asleep, but you knew Leiko was just pretending.

"Good night. I love you," you said.

Leiko cracked open an eyelid.

"I love you too." She quickly closed it, would probably claim tomorrow that she'd been talking in her sleep.

Giggling, you moved to your room. L was already stretched out on the bed under the covers. He glanced up and smirked.

"Hey. The little monsters are finally down?"

You snorted, shaking your head. 

"I'll bet that in about an hour, we'll hear the piano even though Leiko thinks she's being so quiet."

He laughed softly, shifting as you situated next to him, propping yourself up on your elbow.

"What about you? What are you doing?" Your voice dropped an octave.

L's brow quirked playfully.

"Not much... just imagining you in some bikini, your skin absolutely _dripping_ wet."

You inhaled sharply, electricity shooting through your fingertips. Sliding closer, your lips ghosted over his.

"Oh?"

L nodded, his own lips grazing yours.

"Yeah. But some sand got in a hard to reach place and you needed my... assistance." 

You bit down on your lip when his finger slipped beneath your waistband. 

"L," you breathed, gyrating your hips to his touch.

He rubbed along your entrance, running the finger up your walls. You threw your head back, panting. L took the opportunity to attach his thin lips to your neck, softly sucking on the soft part of your throat. You moaned quietly, holding onto his arm.

"Y/n," he sighed, his low voice vibrating your skin.

You rolled the two of you so you were on top of him, straddling him. He looked up at you, eyes adoring.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured.

You flushed, heat rising up your face. Leaning down, you gently kissed him. He made a low sound, his hands sliding and gliding, every move and touch thrilling you. You'd never get enough of him. Never. He pushed into you, every thrust making your head pound and leaving your fingers tingling. You threw your head back, your heart racing. You felt complete with him inside of you... you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this guy... gasping, you came, your brain filling with static and him. God, you'd never get enough of him.

You slumped, the both of you breathing heavily and sweating. Touching his face, you kissed him deeply, feeling his skin as much as possible.

"I love you so much," you mumbled. 

L smiled. 

"I love you too."

* * *

Snow fell outside, soft and quiet. 

You were snuggled up to him, under one of the weighted blankets, two cups of hot chocolate resting on the small coffee table a few feet away. L had fallen asleep, his arms wrapped around you and his face buried into your neck. You craned your view to see his serene face. The bags under his eyes were completely gone, no remnants of the things that had so pronounced his insomnia. You slowly ran your hands through his peppered grey mixed with black hair, watching the strands slip through your fingers. 

The house had been quiet ever since Aimi and Leiko had moved out. But you didn't mind. They were happy and so were you, here cuddled with him.

Your fingers lingered on the side of his face, next to the laugh-lines around his eyes.

They fluttered open slowly, scanning your features with a soft smile. He touched your chin, running a thumb along your bottom lip.

L kissed you, and you melted, tightening your arms around him.

"I love you," the both of you whispered, settling in to keep sleeping, your limbs tangled together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I can't believe it's over already! I loved working on this story so much, it's definitely in my top 3 favorites :). Thank you so much to everyone who's read, commented, left kudos, bookmarks, everything <3\. You guys are amazing and I've loved every second of this :D


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